Face-Lift 1497

Guess the Plot

The Beastloak and the Mystic Maya

1. A Mayan, time-stranded from the Yucatan, fights monsters in an AI generated hallucination while an AI generated teenager finds himself stranded in the Yucatan trying to convince a mystic of the upcoming drought. Not clear whether they ever meet.

2. 16-year-old Elil wants to meet the legendary Beastloak, but he gets framed for a crime and forced by a phoenix to sign a contract agreeing to learn an ancient ritual that sends souls to the stars. Not clear whether he ever meets the Beastloak.

3. When K'inich Ahau, the Maya day sun, tries to take charge of the calendar, the night jaguar, who controls the night sun, is having none of it. The fate of the civilization is on the line. As they appear at different times, it's not clear whether K'inich ever meets the Night Jaguar.

4. The Beastloak, a Hindu Yeti, has been attacking villages throughout Kashmir. One village hires the mystic Maya to protect them with magic, and the Beastloak does bypass the village, but some claim it was a coincidence, and Maya should not be paid. Especially as it's not clear Maya ever encountered the Beastloak.

Original Version

Dear [Agent's Name],

The Agniakka Phoenix is up to something, for she stabs her two dear brothers and goes into hiding. [When you say someone's up to something, you normally mean their actions suggest that they might be planning do something bad. In this case the Phoenix seems already to have done it. Unless stabbing her brothers and going into hiding is just step one in her diabolical plan to rule the world.] Meanwhile, all his life, shy, curious, sixteen-year-old Elil has only ever wanted to meet the legendary Beastloak, superpowered humans who can tame nature. [When you say "meanwhile," we expect you to tell us something that's happening at the same time as the stabbing/hiding event, not something that's been going on for the past decade.] [Also, a 16-year-old who's never wanted anything except to meet characters from a legend? Even when I was half that age I didn't believe Superman and Spiderman were real.] But when an earthen pot carried by fireflies enters his room and a siren named Vasilisa alters his fate, Elil finds himself entangled in something far greater. [Normally we say that Bob enters the room carrying a pizza, not a pizza carried by Bob enters the room.] Elil and his unique bunch of friends are framed for a crime, [What crime?] and they end up signing the infamous Muglomaniyam Contract with the Goddess of Beasts, the Agniakka Phoenix herself. [Isn't the Phoenix in hiding? Last I heard, she was in hiding.] The contract requires them to learn the Punarjanam art, the art of rebirth and reincarnation, as one of its many conditions. [When the 1st paragraph of your query includes the words "Agniakka," "Beastloak," "Muglomaniyam," and "Punarjanam," it's a rare agent who'll make it to the 2nd paragraph.]

Elil and his friends have to perform the mythical Punarjanam Display— a ritual meant to guide a wandering soul to the stars. A soul whose blood is on their hands.  [Why is it on their hands?] As they struggle with their new powers [What new powers?] and the ancient forces at play, Elil and his friends must unravel the Phoenix’s true motives before they lose not just their freedom but their very souls. [What are the Phoenix's true motives? Because I find it hard to believe the Agniakka Phoenix cares whether one sixteen-year-old kid learns the Punarjanam art.] [Also, I'd get rid of the first sentence where she stabs two people and goes into hiding. That seems irrelevant, if not contradictory, to the rest of the query in which she plays an active role.

[Personalization]

The Beastloak and The Mystic Maya (87,000 words) is a YA fantasy novel that blends elements of Indian mythology, fun, and mystery akin to Roshni Chokshi’s Aru Shah and The End of Time, in a diverse, fairytale-esque, beast-worshipping world similar to Samantha Shannon’s The Priory of the Orange Tree.

The book also explores themes of identity, hard work, feeling not good enough, and lacking a sense of belonging, all of which are very personal to me.

As someone born and raised in India, I have an incurable love for Hindu Myths. While pursuing my degree in computer science, I stumbled upon animations, graphics and game design that inspired me to create my own fantasy world.

While, The Beastloak is majorly inspired by Hindu myths, I imagine this mythology of Beasts as a parent mythology of all myths (since all include magical creatures). That’s why unicorns, wyverns, fairies, etc. are included. Also, few names like Vasilisa, Foyerford, etc. exist because many Indian Christians have western names.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I have pasted the requested material and would be happy to provide additional materials at your request.

Notes

The material after your plot summary is longer than the plot summary. Most of it is unnecessary.

You can't hit us with all those strange words. Maybe in the book, but not the query. Call the Agniakka

Phoenix the goddess of beasts. No need to name the contract or the art or the ritual. Just say:  . . . they end up signing a contract with the Goddess of Beasts, requiring them to learn the art of rebirth and reincarnation. Then: Elil and his friends have to perform an ancient ritual meant to guide a wandering soul to the stars. 

More importantly, even if you address all the issues I've brought up, I don't know what your story is. What does Elil want? You start by saying he's always wanted to meet the Beastloak, but then you say he's entangled in something greater. Apparently the new goal is to learn a ritual in order to keep from being punished for a crime he didn't commit. Though if he has blood on his hands, maybe he did commit a crime.

Why doesn't the Goddess appear before him and ask him nicely to learn the ritual and perform the Display, instead of framing him for a crime and blackmailing him into doing it?

Where your title comes from doesn't have to be obvious in your query, but I can't help wondering if the Beastloak and the Mystic Maya play a bigger role in the story than you've let on.

Start over. Who's your main character, what's his situation, what's his goal? What's his plan to achieve this goal? What's stopping him? What will happen if he fails? What decision must he make that will decide the fate of the world, or at least of him?