Thursday, April 18, 2013
Sir Byron Wedderburn is an eighteenth century ladykiller who lives for the indecent pursuit of pleasure. He encounters Lenore, his true love, on the night of a summer solstice orgy. [As with the query, not clear if she was already his true love or this is true love at first sight.] She agrees to a rendezvous at midnight and joins the other guests. [When you meet your "true love" at an orgy and she ditches you to "mingle" with other guests, the handwriting is pretty much on the wall.] He regrets letting her go, searches uselessly [Futilely? Unsuccessfully? In vain?] for her, and is lured outside by a mysterious man, Vlad, who bites him and renders him immortal. [I was gonna say anyone who goes off alone with someone named Vlad is too stupid to live, but as he becomes immortal . . . ] Lenore finds Byron passed out and takes him to bed. She tells him they are both bloodthirsty immortal creatures, ["Both" meaning Lenore and Byron or Lenore and Vlad or Vlad and Byron?] but leaves him to hide from her violent master, also Vlad.
Byron lays [lies] in bed for weeks and misses Lenore. In his despondent state he shouts into the night and unknowingly summons two rogue fiends who are jealous of his power. [Has he demonstrated any power?] They seize [take] him to London, force him to drink toxic blood, and throw him into street slush at dawn. [That's the best they can do to their enemy? Toss him into street slush? Was London the closest place they could find street slush, or does London have the best street slush?] He dissolves for decades. [Say what? Is it the slush or the sunlight that makes him dissolve? If a sugar cube took decades to dissolve in a cup of coffee, you wouldn't even notice it was dissolving. And the coffee would evaporate before the sugar dissolved.]
Naked and alone Byron awakens in an alley in Los Angeles in the year 2012. [Is he still dissolving? How much of him has dissolved? Maybe just his clothes dissolved.] He is rescued by Gustave, [He's in an alley, alone. What does he need rescuing from?] another of his kind, [His kind? Why are we painstakingly avoiding the word "vampire?"] who helps him adapt to a power[-]driven twenty-first century lifestyle. [It's a last-chance power drive.] Byron longs for Lenore, and she visits him in a dream to warn of Gustave’s malicious intent. Byron considers him his dearest friend, and her warning makes no sense.
Lenore finally appears to Byron. She confesses that while he slept she and Gustave were lovers. She also warns of a spell Gustave holds that would allow him to trap the heightened senses of other immortals, or the doppelganger. [Say what?] This would give Gustave limitless power. He only needs a male and female of his rank, and they are perfect candidates. [He was Lenore's lover and Byron's best friend. Why hasn't he trapped their heightened senses already?] [What will Gustave do if he traps their heightened senses? This is key.]
Byron is not sure if Lenore still loves Gustave but can not make her reveal the truth. [Sorry Byron, but if the truth is No, she'd happily say so.] She disappears again. Gustave and Byron go to Palos Verdes to camp, but before they reach the cliffs rogue fiends chase them in a storm of bullets. [Rogue fiends again? What is a rogue fiend? Are these the same rogue fiends that threw Byron into street slush? What's their diabolical plan this time, to throw him into pond scum?] [Are there any fiends who haven't gone rogue?] Gustave kills his nemesis. Byron's worst enemy taunts him but Byron is not yet strong enough to kill him. [Who is Byron's worst enemy? Gustave? If so, why is he revealing his true colors to Byron now?] He vanishes.
Lenore has followed them. This confuses Byron. [Lenore disappeared and Byron vanished in the previous paragraph. Where are they now?] He is not sure if she and Gustave still love each other. Despite this she has planned a new adventure and Byron is happy to be with her again.
What happened to Vlad?
Why are the rogue fiends jealous of Byron's power? They have no trouble transporting him to London and tossing him in street slush. Seems like they're more powerful than he is.
Lenore calls the characters "bloodthirsty creatures." I would expect her to use milder terms, especially if she's including herself.
The last two paragraphs are all over the place. More like an outline of the last few chapters than the wrap-up of a story.
Why do Lenore and Byron meet at an orgy? Seems like a party would be just as good, and would inspire fewer questions about how these two can be in love.