Friday, October 26, 2012

Face-Lift 1080

Guess the Plot

High Noons

1. When Curly the Cross-eyed Cowboy gets called out for a gunfight in the middle of the day, he wonders if it might not be the last high noons he'll ever see.

2. Vampires decide they'll never be treated with respect on Earth, and head for the stars in a space ark. Unfortunately, when they finally find a habitable planet, it has four suns, and nighttime lasts about twenty minutes a year.

3. A gunslinger pulls his trigger at high noon and is sucked through a time vortex into the past. Shooting at a dinosaur the next noon sends him into the far future. Will he ever get back home? Does he even want to, knowing he may not have survived the duel?

4. The Noons lived at the end of the cul-de-sac. Some people said they were crazy - others claimed they were just inbred hicks. But Megan knew the truth. After all, she'd been delivering their weekly package of medical grade marijuana for years, which had just been declared illegal under L.A. law. Now people would find out what the Noons were really like.

5. High Noons-- Memoir of a schoolyard drug pusher who was also a ninth grade algebra teacher.

6. Dosequis-24 is a circumbinary planet--one that revolves around two stars. The discovery of priceless elements attracts competing mining companies, and brings greed and corruption to the provincial government. When a new Overseer of Mines with a mysterious past jets into town, it's a showdown between good and evil -- at High Noons.

Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

When the world political stage gets too hot for the undead, they commission a space ark and head out of the solar system to find a new home to rule. Who needs cryostasis to travel between the stars when you have immortality? Who needs genetic diversity if all your human servants are mostly food? But the course of true power never did run smooth--the real rhetorical question is: How well can vampires fare on a world with four suns?

A subtle melange reminiscent of Meyer's Twilight, Buchheim's Das Boot, and Colbert's I Am America (And so Can You!), none of which the author has read, High Noons is sure to annoy fans of all types and ages. But at least it will appeal to an audience niche of space-faring vampires. Maybe. If the plot didn't annoy them too. And it would appeal to vampires' stocks of home-grown "sheeple" for sure, but I don't think they can still read, so maybe they don't count either. C'est la morte....

The entire very rough 50,000 word first draft will be complete by Dec 1st. Although I've got my synopsis online so that any rogue literary agents and acquisition editors out there scouring the NaNoWriMo site for the next New York Times best seller can grab this gem of a book, I'd like to offer you the opportunity to grab it first! Otherwise you'll just have to wait for the bidding war after I've made a gazillion off of the self-published eBook sales.

In all humility,

Soon-to-be-rich-and-famous Author


Obviously someone answered the call to think about their NaNoWriMo project in advance so that the Evil Minions could steer them in the right direction.


Anonymous said...

I liked the part about genetic diversity. That was cool.

Anonymous said...

Curly the Cross-eyed Cowboy says, "Dagnabbit! If yer 30 days of writin is as pervocative as yer query, some agent er publisher might jist call yuh out. And HELL with humility! Jist hold the trigger down, fan yer hammer, and shoot at whatever targits yer see. That's how I always figgered it."

AA said...

Are the vampires sparkly? I really like my vampires sparkly.
<3 <3 xoxoxo

Team Edward!!!!!!

T.K. Marnell said...

I'm not sure if this is a 100% joke query or if you're really going to write this for NaNoWriMo. If the first, awesome. If the latter, we obviously need a little more to it than "Vampires in Space! Boom-chicka-boom-boom."

Soon-to-be-rich-and-famous Author said...

fThanks for all the help, folks! I'm all set for midnight. (Makes note to add sparkles, ice, and splash or two of hubris. Stirred, not shaken, with a twist of Boom-chicka-boom-boom and some planet down time.)

If a plot spontaneously combusts out of this, I'll be Bach! And Beethoven!

And apparently I am unable to prove I am not a robot...