Guess the Plot
Fangs for All the Kitsch
1. It's been 875 years, and Ian MacNeil is ready to retire from an active life of blood-sucking to Hawaii,
where an endless supply of young bodies awaits and he can admire his
massive collection of velvet Elvis paintings in peace. All he has to do
now is survive the roast his fellow vampires want to give. It's just a
few hours of jokes...isn't it?
2. When Bubbe, the senior center queen, became a late night snack for the
undead it put an end to her days of the senior special. But not
sleeping all night made her the number one buyer of the QVC. How much
kitsch can one vampire have?
3. Gus fakes his death and attends his funeral in disguise. There
he learns that Bidgette had a crush on him. To win her he must return
from the dead so he fakes being a vampire. But now he finds himself
dealing with actual vampire hunters with their cheap crosses and stakes.
Plus, Bridgette wants him to turn her so they can spend eternity
Bob's place is stocking more and more plastic werewolves. Cat doesn't
want to get involved, but when rookie detective Albert Mooney begs for
her help - and a date - she bites.
5. Two vampires buy a gift shop at Myrtle Beach. It's the perfect spot to hunt victims, but Vlad loves being surrounded by plastic mermaids and coffee mugs, while Ramon wants to convert the place into a fine dining establishment. Talk about your odd couple.
[No one wants their real query posted on a holiday, so here's a fake, written by Heather as part of a writing exercise.]
Amateur special effects artist Gus Parker is outed as a Twihard during
the biggest pep rally of the year, and he goes from social pariah to
almost drowning by swirly. To escape the torture, he fakes his own death
in an after-hours chem lab explosion. His demise makes front-page news,
and the turnout for his funeral is fantastic. When he sneaks in to
witness the eulogies from his classmates, he hears the one thing that
could have saved him: tearful homecoming queen Bridgette Johnson was
crushing hard. If he wants Bridgette—and he definitely wants
Bridgette—his only choice is to come back from the dead.
is predictably enthralled with the mysterious, brooding Gustav, but
faoing vampirism is exhausting. When he's not airbrushing himself
alabaster and rolling in body glitter, Gus strategically hides
painted-foam boulders around town, learns to drink pig's blood, and uses
every special effects trick in the book to save Bridgette from imagined
dangers. Hauntings, attacks by rival vampires, and even retribution
from a vampire hunter for loving one of the damned are all thwarted
without a hitch... at least until Bridgette starts blogging about her
unnatural love and Gus realizes a crucifix-wielding transfer student is
Gus can avoid a stake to the heart if he just comes
clean, but admitting the truth means getting arrested for fraud and
destruction of property, earning the hatred of the entire school (just
when they'd dedicated the yearbook to him), and losing Bridgette
forever. But Gus figures real-life vampire hunters can only mean one
thing: real life vampires. Gus uses all his Hollywood know-how to
convince the hunter he's too badass to take on solo, and then backtracks
his slaying spree to what might just be a hotspot for the actual
undead. Now, he must trick a vampire into siring him before the lights
come on and the reel winds down, but it won’t be easy. The other
vampires doubt his reputation, the hunter is hot on his heels with
reinforcements... and Bridgette wants to spend eternity together.
FOR ALL THE KITSCH, imagined at 75,000 words, is a paranormal romance
and my debut into the world of fake YA novels. The first five pages are
included, and the entire manuscript is available upon request. Thank you
for your consideration.
It's brilliant. Write it or give the Minions permission to steal it.