Thursday, June 24, 2010

New Beginning 762

August 25th Hey everyone and happy first day of school. Hot Pink Party girl has had one busy summer. Do you realize how many guys are willing to get to second base while completely loaded? Yeah, pretty much all of them. Okay, so one turned me down and I had to listen to him yap and quote biblical scripture for twenty tortuous minutes. If that doesn't put out your fire, I don't know what does. My summer total was over thirty guys and let me tell you I've seen more little firemen (some smaller than others) in three months than I thought possible. That's all for now. Check back later. I'll be posting my review of the best party of the year. Love, Hot Pink Party Girl

I closed my laptop before the courtyard got too crowded. I'd probably have at least thirty comments in the next ten minutes because Hot Pink Party Girl fit in to nearly every crowd in this school. Me . . . not so much.

High school is just like the solar system. We all have a planet that we're stuck on. No hopping over to another environment for a few months. Even the freakin' NASA people hadn't figured out a way to put a man on Mars, so change in the structural make-up of high school wouldn't happen in the two year sentence I still had left to serve.

Until the end of last year I belonged to planet "I'd rather be drunk or high than in school." The great thing about that planet is you sweep blissfully through all the angst of teen years. But if you leave for any reason, it all hits you at once.

It all came back to me once the drugs and alcohol had fully left my system. How I spent a year with a guy I thought I was in love with. How was I supposed to know the biggest jock strap in school, Dick Richards, would turn out to be gay? Who knew I would find him hooking up with my ex-boyfriend at his mansion when all I wanted to do was surprise him with my new tattoo? In retrospect, I guess "I LOVE DICK" isn't the best thing to brand onto your face to show your endless love for a man.

Opening: Julie.....Continuation: Anon.


Shoshana Beaubahna said...

That's my kind of continuation! I wonder if Hot Pink Party Girl has ever met Michelle 'Bombshell' McGee?

Evil Editor said...

It would be cool if HPPG turned out to be a guy, and we can't tell yet. If it isn't a guy, you might work that into paragraph 3 or 4.

P3 presents the solar system analogy and then explains it. The purpose of an analogy is to explain something in terms that are more interesting or picturesque; if you have to explain the analogy, maybe you don't need it.

I don't know if anyone will care or even notice, considering the narrator is a high school sophomore, but the analogy to the solar system isn't accurate. It implies that there are a number of planets (cliques?) and everyone's stuck on one of them. But in the solar system everyone's stuck on the same planet. Also, p3 says we're stuck on one planet. P4 implies in s3 that one can leave one's planet, and in s1 implies that the narrator did leave her planet at the end of last year.

High school is like Hawaii. Everyone's on one of the islands and no one has a boat. That's more accurate, but doesn't sound as teenish. Unless the story's set in Hawaii, in which case it would work great.

Working with the solar system analogy, I would combine p3 & 4 into:

High school is like a solar system.
Until the end of last year I belonged to planet "I'd rather be drunk or high than in school." (The great thing about that planet is you sweep blissfully through all the angst of teen years.)

Then add something that applies to your story, which might be: Then I decided to move to planet "I'm making all A's and getting into Harvard." Except, it turns out building a spaceship isn't as easy as it sounds.

Evil Editor said...

Unchosen Continuations:

So now I'm Hot Pink Party Girl instead of Jason Lutz, stoner.


Now in my third month "on the wagon," the angst was all around me, angstier than ever.

As I tucked my Macbook under my arm and stood up to head to roll call, Chet Michaels, sophmore hunk and leader of the track team, strutted past in his tight, crimson shorts. I felt my cheeks burning almost as red as his were.

Chet turned to me and waved. "Hey, Coach, see you on the field!"

I coughed and shuffled away to the staff room. This year I was headed to planet "you're so fired!" for sure.


So you’re like, WTF, when you wake in the middle of the night with an incredible itchy spot on your va-jay-jay, which by the way is so not cool, called herpes, because you felt the need to play with- like- over thirty little firemen. And they were so not worth it, because their hoses always dribbled dry way before the fire was put out… if ya know what I mean, girls.

And then you’re like, STFU, when you realize your grade point plummeted from 3.5 to 1.6 in just a year’s time. So you’re like totally faced with the reality you may be asking, "Would you like to Super Size that for just 69 cents?" for the rest of your life.


Now I was trying to stretch things out, to get everyone interested so they'd keep reading when I switched gears in a few weeks.

"Whatcha workin' on, Bob?"

It was Cassie, peering over my shoulder. "Just catching up with my prayer group, Cassie," I said. "We're all praying extra hard this week because this one girl in the group, her mom just got diagnosed with..."

"I know your little secret, 'Party Girl'," Cassie whispered in my ear. I knew that kind of whisper from back before I got saved. I clutched my backpack tighter.

"If you really want to get their souls," she said, "you'll need some juicier news than that." She bared a pair of vampire fangs. "Meet me after school, and I'll teach you about hot and pink."

Boy, talk about your theological dilemmas.


OMG. Maybe that bible beater wasn’t completely out of touch with reality after all. IDK. TTUL.


I'd had a crazy summer. The first annual Blogging Camp in the Smoky Mountains had been amazing. Cake Wrecks, I Can Has Cheezburger, Stuff White People Like ... all the big-name bloggers with book deals were there. I wanted in on the money.

I risked opening my laptop for a peek. Seven comments already: three claiming "first!", two calling me a slut, one guy's picture of his wiener, and a spam ad for biblical scripture online. Maybe a high school blog wasn't going to be the path to fame and fortune after all.


PicardyRose said...

I like this, although I think EE's clarification of the solar system is excellent. I'm not sure if HHPG is real or cyber, and I'm interested to read more.

word verification: foingeed, which I think constitutes third base.

angela robbins said...

Oh that continuation is just so raunchy... therefore, I loved it!

This book sounds cute and funny and something I would enjoy reading. Apparently, my brain is stuck in high school mode, because I love a good YA now and then.

It would be awesome if HPPG was a guy, that would make this completely unexepected and get a lot of hype. I agree with EE's comments.

Xiexie said...

This has a great voice. Good intro -- I'm intrigued and if HPPG is a guy, then that would be beyond grand.

Word ver: uncel. That's all word ver could offer? A typo?

_*rachel*_ said...

I like the idea of a "social lowlife" having a popular, flirty, uncharacteristic blog. (I also liked Locke, Demosthenes, Undercover Boss, What Would You Do?, and [on a more serious note] the White Rose, so my liking this idea should be no surprise.)

I'm getting on the bandwagon here: the narrator really should be a guy. It'd be fun!

I like EE's condensation. Cutting the overdone parts of the analogy frees you up for more important parts of the action, like making a smart-alecky remark about somebody else's planet.

The guy who quoted to her strikes me as a little strange. I know a lot of guys who'd turn her down for the same reasons, but my general estimation of them is that they'd give you the short version--"I don't believe in sex outside of marriage"--and then leave you alone unless you asked for further explanation. There are undoubtedly some who would give you the whole lecture, but my feeling about both sorts of guys is that they'd shy away from the situations that would get them to first base.

Unless drunkenness brings out the hypocrisy in some people. For me, I've known more celibates than drunks, and haven't much seen an overlap.

And honestly, most of that detailed critique is because, with the planets bit under control, I can't find much to help with and feel like I'm shortchanging you if my comment is too short and vague.

none said...

The narrator being a boy strikes me as the most obvious twist possible in this context.

Now, if they were a teacher....

Anonymous said...

Guys, I don't understand the upper case short forms. Please what do they mean?
STFU? IDK? TTUL? In Asia way too long. You lose language, spelling, grammar and don't understand what every one else gets. Thanks, please fill me in. Bibi

Evil Editor said...

Shut the fuck up, I don't know, Talk to you later.

Use Google.

ril said...

In Asia way too long. You lose language, spelling, grammar and don't understand what every one else gets.

Orly? YMMV.

ril said...

Shut the fuck up, I don't know, Talk to you later.

Use Google.

I'm thinking of having this made up as a sampler to hang on my office door.

Anonymous said...

Thanks! I'll STFU, TTUL and use Google. Never thought to check there. My "duh" factor is way up these days. Bibi

Julie said...

OMG! How did I miss this getting posted! This is mine and I LOVE all the feedback. I was laughing so hard coffee came out of my nose.

I'll look into planet stuff. Love the Hawaii idea.

Sorry to disappoint BUT HPPG is a girl. Its her alter-ego and since she's quit the party life her feedback is from hear-say and past experience. She also uses it as an outlet to give teens some very important messages (I know - yuck to the life lessons)

BTW - My book deal has been announced on PMP as of Wednesday, June 23rd. And its not for this book *sigh* so I don't know when I'll be able to finish this project but I hope to someday!

Thanks again for the GREAT and super funny comments!