Face-Lift 1014

Guess the Plot

I Wonder What the Title Is

1. Or as I was just saying about one of the junk cars in my yard, I Wonder Where the Title Is.

2. Shattered. The title is Shattered.

3. When Sandie MacMillian discovers she's a character in a novel, she vows to figure out the novel's title. That way she can borrow it from her local library, read it, and stay one step ahead of her pesky author.

4. When Jeff shot Renaldo outside Mark's apartment in Venice, Carlos knew it was time to date Melissa over at the bakery where she hid from sexual predators while having three-ways with strangely angelic men. Meanwhile werewolves are taking over the UK banking system while pay phones rampage through Mississippi, the President of Ecuador comes out as a lesbian gay vampire, and Chuck E Cheese is revealed to be Michael Jackson in disguise. Just another day for EE.

5. When a UFO piloted by Jerry Garcia accidentally abducts Ted and Medusa, they wind up on a journey entangling their own lives on a quantum level with stories about populist vampires and vegetarian Buddhist pirates in a book Medusa is reading, leaving Ted wondering if he's the main character. He begins to profoundly question the very existence of the Author.

6. Recently released from Bellevue, librarian Priscilla Penghas secures an entry position in Plattsburgh, NY. While restocking shelves at night, she discovers a porcupine reading books in the stacks and laughing uproariously. If she tells anyone, it’s back to Bellevue. Her belonephobia prevents her from approaching the porcupine. But she is dying to know what books he reads.



Original Version

“I Wonder What the Title Is,” [is] the story of a man in search of a plot. [Better title: I Wonder Where the Plot Is.]

Ted finds himself unwillingly transported to a blissful Utopian paradise, where he meets a stunningly beautiful woman named Medusa. Naturally all he can think of is returning to the cup of coffee he left on the porch. But seeing as he is now in Utopia, how can he win his way back home? There are no wrongs for him to right, no noble deeds to perform in order to prove his mettle, and no quests to embark on to achieve soaring heights of self-discovery via triumph over colossal odds. [Is there a better explanation of why he wants out than "naturally"?]

He is badly in need of a story line.

Fortunately, when a UFO piloted by Jerry Garcia accidentally abducts Ted and Medusa, they wind up on a journey entangling their own lives on a quantum level with stories in a “book” Medusa starts reading. Tales of populist vampires and vegetarian Buddhist pirates leave Ted wondering if he really is the main character after all. [Unless there are populist vampires and vegetarian Buddhist pirates on the UFO, I don't see why Ted would think he's the main character in the novel.] He begins to profoundly question the benevolence, nay, the very existence of the Author.

In the “novel,” Medusa reads about Camelia, who is sidetracked from an appointment she has made to become a vampire, when the ship she is visiting makes a hasty departure from the dock. The (ahem) honorable crew needed to make a swift exit in order to keep purloined chocolate below decks from the prying eyes of the port commissioner.

To pass time on their journey, Camelia picks up a book about zombies, and starts reading.

At this, Medusa gazes up from the page pleadingly, beseeching the Author not to yield to the worst of impulses by supplanting the narrative with yet another level of recursion.

But it is too late. The Author is long gone, and she succeeds merely in catching the eye of the reader, who no doubt is in agreement with her.

“I Wonder What the Title Is,” the first of the “Wonder” trilogy, is 55,000 words of fine literary meta-fiction. It’s a really cool because it has vampires, pirates, ninjas, zombies, aliens, and – Godzilla. There aren’t any helicopters or big explosions yet, [Are you suggesting the book isn't finished?] but I could add some.

Thank you for your time.


Notes

Is it just a coincidence that this arrived in my in-box on April 1?

I wouldn't mention that this is part of a trilogy. It strikes me as the type of book that seems clever the first time around, but not once the novelty wears off.

Ted "finds himself transported"? I like to see reasons things happen. Was he kidnapped? Did he fall in a rabbit hole?

I'd get Jerry Garcia out of the query and the book.

The query is too wacky. Here's a shorter version that may succeed in maintaining the voice while making the book sound like it is readable:

Ten years after kayaking through a wormhole into a Utopian paradise where he met a stunningly beautiful woman named Medusa, Ted Troob wants out. Bliss is fine for a decade or so, but Ted longs for some good old-fashioned conflict. Besides, there's no Starbucks in this place.

When a UFO piloted by vampire pirates accidentally abducts Ted and Medusa, their lives tangle on a quantum level with the novel Medusa is reading. Scenes with populist vampires and vegetarian Buddhist pirates have Ted wondering if he's the main character. He begins to profoundly question the very existence of the Author.

In her novel, Medusa reads about Camelia, who is stranded aboard a ship she is visiting when it makes a hasty departure from the dock. The (ahem) honorable crew needed to make a swift exit to keep purloined chocolate below decks from the prying eyes of the port commissioner. To pass time on her unexpected voyage, Camelia picks up a book about zombies, and starts reading.

At this, Medusa gazes up from the page pleadingly, beseeching the Author not to yield to the worst of impulses by supplanting the narrative with yet another level of recursion.

Too late. The Author is long gone, and Medusa succeeds merely in catching the eye of the reader, who no doubt is in agreement with her.

In a mere 55,000 words, I Wonder What the Title Is has vampires, pirates, ninjas, zombies, aliens . . . and Godzilla! And that's just chapter 1!