Sunday, April 08, 2012

The 3rd Annual Evil Editor Charity Auction

Each year Evil Editor holds a charity auction in conjunction with the Brenda Novak Online Auction for Diabetes Research, which begins on May 1. Although I provide numerous items to the Brenda Novak auction, there are always a few that they decline or that I feel are inappropriate for them. Here's an advance look at items I'll be offering this year in the Evil Editor Auction.

Name a character in your book Evil Editor

Change the name of any character in your book, whether it be a murder mystery, a horror/slasher book, or a historical romance, to Evil Editor! (No lit-fic, please.)

An Evaluation of Your Book's Title

Evil Editor will run your book's title by his minions, who will explain that it doesn't make them want to pick up the book, has been used by too many other authors, or simply sucks--but that it doesn't matter because the publisher will change it anyway.

Wake Up With Jesus

Get a good night's sleep for a change, knowing Jesus will be in your bed when you wake up. Evil Editor will arrange for Jesus (or someone resembling Jesus) to be in your bed when you wake up.

Reminisce about Evil Editor over Lunch

You and one other person will meet for lunch at a restaurant of your choosing and have a lively conversation about Evil Editor. Share your impressions, brag about your contributions to the blog, enjoy a hearty meal.

Transportation, meal and gratuity are the responsibility of the winning bidders.

An Evaluation of Your Font

Used to be courier was the default. Then Times muscled in. Now anything readable goes, but you are the worst person to decide if a font you love is readable. And Evil Editor is the best.

Take Evil Jr. to Dinner

You get to grill Evil Jr. about EE while treating him to dinner at his favorite grille.

Evil Jr. guaranteed to show up, but not to be truthful.

ARC of the Covenant

An Advance Rapture Coffer for those who want a look at what awaits. Winning bidder opens at their own risk.

An Evaluation of Your First Word

by Evil Editor, the world's most famous editor. EE has rejected more manuscripts after the 1st word than he can count. Among these first words were "Irregardless," "Eventually," "Bivouac," and "Archau'tnau." Don't risk a 1st-word rejection.

This is an evaluation of your work, not a complete line edit. Winning this read does not guarantee a sale.

The Filling of Two Plot Holes

The last thing your career needs is some snarky book reviewer saying your romance novel has plot holes the size of Hudson Bay. Evil Editor will fill in any two plot holes in one of your novels.

No novelizations of summer blockbuster movies, please.

Click label below for a look at previous years' auction items.


khazar-khum said...

If that first word critique were real, there's a lot of books that's never pass muster.

Also, you may be able to fill plot holes--but what do you do when confronted by plot canyons?

AlaskaRavenclaw said...

what do you do when confronted by plot canyons?

Dam 'em. Dam 'em to hell.

khazar-khum said...

AR, you have just won one (1) internet.

Anonymous said...

So - are we supposed to guess which of your generous donations will be deemed inappropriate by the foundation?

Tough competition. I reckon all of them could raise a few grand.

AlaskaRavenclaw said...

Oh dear, I'm not sure where I'll put it...