Friday, April 06, 2012

Face-Lift 1014


Guess the Plot

I Wonder What the Title Is

1. Or as I was just saying about one of the junk cars in my yard, I Wonder Where the Title Is.

2. Shattered. The title is Shattered.

3. When Sandie MacMillian discovers she's a character in a novel, she vows to figure out the novel's title. That way she can borrow it from her local library, read it, and stay one step ahead of her pesky author.

4. When Jeff shot Renaldo outside Mark's apartment in Venice, Carlos knew it was time to date Melissa over at the bakery where she hid from sexual predators while having three-ways with strangely angelic men. Meanwhile werewolves are taking over the UK banking system while pay phones rampage through Mississippi, the President of Ecuador comes out as a lesbian gay vampire, and Chuck E Cheese is revealed to be Michael Jackson in disguise. Just another day for EE.

5. When a UFO piloted by Jerry Garcia accidentally abducts Ted and Medusa, they wind up on a journey entangling their own lives on a quantum level with stories about populist vampires and vegetarian Buddhist pirates in a book Medusa is reading, leaving Ted wondering if he's the main character. He begins to profoundly question the very existence of the Author.

6. Recently released from Bellevue, librarian Priscilla Penghas secures an entry position in Plattsburgh, NY. While restocking shelves at night, she discovers a porcupine reading books in the stacks and laughing uproariously. If she tells anyone, it’s back to Bellevue. Her belonephobia prevents her from approaching the porcupine. But she is dying to know what books he reads.



Original Version

“I Wonder What the Title Is,” [is] the story of a man in search of a plot. [Better title: I Wonder Where the Plot Is.]

Ted finds himself unwillingly transported to a blissful Utopian paradise, where he meets a stunningly beautiful woman named Medusa. Naturally all he can think of is returning to the cup of coffee he left on the porch. But seeing as he is now in Utopia, how can he win his way back home? There are no wrongs for him to right, no noble deeds to perform in order to prove his mettle, and no quests to embark on to achieve soaring heights of self-discovery via triumph over colossal odds. [Is there a better explanation of why he wants out than "naturally"?]

He is badly in need of a story line.

Fortunately, when a UFO piloted by Jerry Garcia accidentally abducts Ted and Medusa, they wind up on a journey entangling their own lives on a quantum level with stories in a “book” Medusa starts reading. Tales of populist vampires and vegetarian Buddhist pirates leave Ted wondering if he really is the main character after all. [Unless there are populist vampires and vegetarian Buddhist pirates on the UFO, I don't see why Ted would think he's the main character in the novel.] He begins to profoundly question the benevolence, nay, the very existence of the Author.

In the “novel,” Medusa reads about Camelia, who is sidetracked from an appointment she has made to become a vampire, when the ship she is visiting makes a hasty departure from the dock. The (ahem) honorable crew needed to make a swift exit in order to keep purloined chocolate below decks from the prying eyes of the port commissioner.

To pass time on their journey, Camelia picks up a book about zombies, and starts reading.

At this, Medusa gazes up from the page pleadingly, beseeching the Author not to yield to the worst of impulses by supplanting the narrative with yet another level of recursion.

But it is too late. The Author is long gone, and she succeeds merely in catching the eye of the reader, who no doubt is in agreement with her.

“I Wonder What the Title Is,” the first of the “Wonder” trilogy, is 55,000 words of fine literary meta-fiction. It’s a really cool because it has vampires, pirates, ninjas, zombies, aliens, and – Godzilla. There aren’t any helicopters or big explosions yet, [Are you suggesting the book isn't finished?] but I could add some.

Thank you for your time.


Notes

Is it just a coincidence that this arrived in my in-box on April 1?

I wouldn't mention that this is part of a trilogy. It strikes me as the type of book that seems clever the first time around, but not once the novelty wears off.

Ted "finds himself transported"? I like to see reasons things happen. Was he kidnapped? Did he fall in a rabbit hole?

I'd get Jerry Garcia out of the query and the book.

The query is too wacky. Here's a shorter version that may succeed in maintaining the voice while making the book sound like it is readable:

Ten years after kayaking through a wormhole into a Utopian paradise where he met a stunningly beautiful woman named Medusa, Ted Troob wants out. Bliss is fine for a decade or so, but Ted longs for some good old-fashioned conflict. Besides, there's no Starbucks in this place.

When a UFO piloted by vampire pirates accidentally abducts Ted and Medusa, their lives tangle on a quantum level with the novel Medusa is reading. Scenes with populist vampires and vegetarian Buddhist pirates have Ted wondering if he's the main character. He begins to profoundly question the very existence of the Author.

In her novel, Medusa reads about Camelia, who is stranded aboard a ship she is visiting when it makes a hasty departure from the dock. The (ahem) honorable crew needed to make a swift exit to keep purloined chocolate below decks from the prying eyes of the port commissioner. To pass time on her unexpected voyage, Camelia picks up a book about zombies, and starts reading.

At this, Medusa gazes up from the page pleadingly, beseeching the Author not to yield to the worst of impulses by supplanting the narrative with yet another level of recursion.

Too late. The Author is long gone, and Medusa succeeds merely in catching the eye of the reader, who no doubt is in agreement with her.

In a mere 55,000 words, I Wonder What the Title Is has vampires, pirates, ninjas, zombies, aliens . . . and Godzilla! And that's just chapter 1!

10 comments:

AlaskaRavenclaw said...

I wanna read #4.

Darn. Down to hoaxes again.

Just because we mock them ruthlessly is no reason for people not to submit their queries, is it?

(Actually I suspect that whichever- minion-it-was who said people are self-publishing instead of querying was correct. But I wonder if agents' and editors' inboxes are becoming correspondingly less crowded.)

Mister Furkles said...

Well, it would be an improvement if the zombies were heifer zombies and the Buddhist should not be pirates. No reason to have two kinds of pirates. I recommend Buddhist golems.

We haven't had golems yet and it's just about their turn. Maybe there should be snakes on the ship too. And you could try cigar smoking puffins as well.

Jo-Ann said...

I think its about time those killer tomatoes made another appearance. And a kitchen sink.

khazar-khum said...

The big problem with wacky premises is that they just can't hold the tone. When anything can happen, nothing really does--it's too busy being 'random and 'quirky' to make any sense.

miles zarathustra said...

[query/novel author]

I like plot #3. It's definitely in keeping with the theme.

miles zarathustra said...

[query/novel author]

I like plot #3. It's definitely in keeping with the theme.

miles zarathustra said...

I'm not sure I'm capable of writing anything that isn't "wacky." Sorry! The problem is, to me it seems 'normal.' (Actually, I AM normal. Everyone else is a little weird, though).

But I'd like the book to sound readable, and I think it is.

Good call about "transported." "Stepped through an interdimensional doorway" is how it presently goes.

I like interdimensional doorways, because they can add excitement to a novel when things are getting dull. I don't understand why more authors don't use them. They're very handy.

Yes, Ted is a bit conceited in thinking he is the main character.

Other people weren't liking Jerry Garcia in the query, so I suppose you're right. I think he'll stay in the book, since it's only a brief cameo, and it sets up a line that seems to be worth keeping. Not that I'd want to disrupt the sense of realism.

No book is ever finished, but I guess I could keep the prospective agent from worrying about it. Since you asked (if only rhetorically), yes it's finished and it will be edited more or less to my satisfaction before I send out queries, other than for critique. (I say 'more or less,' because no book is ever finished)

I'll definitely be looking at the EE rewrite/plot summary to steal lines from. Hey, you get to ridicule, I get to steal. Fair is fair.

Thanks,
-= miles =-

Rashad Pharaon said...

Made me laugh, this is good. I like. The title, although strangely simple, is definitely an eye-catcher. I mean...can you imagine seeing that title sitting on the Barnes & Nobles New Releases table? I'd pick it up, just for curiosity's sake.

And if it doesn't make it to B&N. Well, then I guess no publisher wanted to know what the title was.

miles zarathustra said...

I definitely see how the rewrite makes the first part of the query more driving, although it doesn't describe the actual story of course.

I think it's good advice, but it puts me in a quandry, for two reasons:

1. "a man in search of a plot" always, always, always gets a good response, whether it's 1 person or 200 people, whether they're writers or not. There are 'darlings' I'm willing to shoot, but I have a really hard time with this one. I've been trying it out on people for 3 or 4 years now, and unlike many other punch lines I have tried, it's nearly 100% reliable in eliciting a spontaneous laugh.

So if leaving it in is a requirement, then I feel compelled to explain it. The truth is, the gimmick only really does work for maybe 30 or 40 pages, and then it morphs into the vampire/pirate story. I find vampires fun to read, and a heck of a lot of fun to write. It's a guilty pleasure. What can I say?

The story is more like Gregor Samsa waking up as a cockroach, and all he can think about is "but gosh, I won't be able to make it to work." (A crude and probably inaccurate summary from reading Kafka once about 30 years ago). Except, instead of turning into a cockroach, he's in Utopia. Or purportedly Utopia.

I've thought of taking out the "wonder" part and making it a short story, but the 'story-within-a-story' seems go work well with the vampire/pirate thing. I'm not sure I could write a serious book on those themes, but a semi-satirical one is fun. It's also fun to have the meta-fiction bleed over into the other story (so to speak).

2. "I wonder what the title is" came from a conversation years ago with Tom Lehrer in which he told me about a book called "What is the name of this book?" (you can find it on Amazon) So it's not very original, I suppose. I know, the publisher will change the title, yadda yadda, to which I say Pbbbbbtht! (that's a raspberry). I mean, fine, that's how the biz works, but I'm not sure I want to work with an agent/publisher who doesn't go along with the way it messes with people. I mean, that's kind of the point, you know?

Incidentally, I notice you added back the second 'is.' I pondered have this question (to 'is' or not to 'is') for hours, just can't put the two is's back to back. It might be more palatable presented as a subtitle:

I wonder what the title is
the story of a man in search of a plot

I'm curious what more of the minions have to say, so if you're hesitating please go don't be shy.

Evil Editor said...

If the title were What's the Title? you wouldn't have the double "is." And as it's not clear who "I" is in I Wonder What the Title Is, getting rid of the "I" isn't a bad idea.

A character in search of a plot would be more effective. "Plot" in "a man in search of a plot" could be interpreted as a burial plot.


The phrase "a character (or man) in search of a plot" will get the same reaction, even if the title is Ted Troob's Big Adventure or Teddy and the Pirates.

You could start the query "Ted Troob is a character in search of a plot," and give the title of the book at the end of the query.