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Guess the Plot

Monster Hunter Fraternity

1. Okay, it's not really a frat house, it's a tree house, where Jamie and his friends track Bigfoot and werewolf sightings, hoping to prove the existence of monsters. It was all in fun until the moon became full and stayed that way. Now the town's overrun with a mob of terrifying creatures that the boys must defeat . . . if they want to live.

2. When ten-year-old Billy McQuaid sees something strange going on in the abandoned orange groves near his suburban California home, he knows what to do: put together a team of kids who can help him investigate. But Ginny Fillmore wants to come, too, and she has a walkie-talkie set. Can they confront monsters and survive with a girl in the group?

3. Now settled across the US with families, mortgages, and desk jobs more mind-numbingly horrifying than they ever were, Frankenstein, Dracula, the Wolf Man, and the Swamp Thing decide to start a yearly retreat. While sitting on the back of a pickup truck, drinking warm beer and pretending to look for deer, the old friends reminisce about the good old days. But when Bigfoot stumbles across them, they'll have to reawaken the monsters within if they want to get home alive. Or undead, depending.

4. Sean and Brendan, a pair of exchange students, try to join Sigma Xi. Blackballed for being geeks, they seek revenge in a Guinness-fueled killing spree, only to find that Sigma Xi is home to a pack of zombies. Joined by fellow losers, they form their own fraternity, dedicated to destroying the zombies before the Physics Department becomes a brains buffet.

5. In a bid to get lucky, the virgins of Alpha Alpha Alpha adopt a manly-man "monster hunter" theme for Halloween, disguising the House, as well as themselves, in gladiator bondage style, which seems to be very exciting for the two dozen scantily clad whip-snapping Medusa sex-pots who join them. All signs point to a lucky night, until the lads realize those snakes are real.

6. Minimum: a Grendel. That's what it takes to get into the Monster Hunter Fraternity, to bag a monster. Lions are for sissies. Grizzly bears, for a girl scout merit award. Bob Lout really wants into the club. He has a plan to snag a vampire, but can he convince his wife, Bertha, to hang around the Drac Klub in a low-cut dress, offering up a jugular, just so he can get the coolest tie tack ever?


Original Version

Dear Agent,

I am seeking publication of my YA novel MONSTER HUNTER FRATERNITY. It is complete at 70,000 words.

At Monster Hunter Fraternity, a treehouse in Blafford Hills, Ohio, Jamie and his three closest friends research and track sightings of everything from Bigfoot to Werewolves, wanting nothing more than to prove the existence of real monsters. After two years of hunting, however, all they have is a grainy photo of something dark and furry [It's never a good idea to carry your camera in your underwear.] they saw in Black Rock Forrest, [Forest?] a picture mostly obscured by Jaime’s forefinger. [I think that was his middle finger.] [By the way, is Jaime Jamie? Or one of the friends?] But lately, Jamie notices something odd – that recent monster sightings are surrounding Blafford Hills – unaware that his weekend pastime is quickly turning more serious. [If he notices it, I wouldn't call him unaware. Besides, it's more dramatic if you finish the paragraph: His weekend pastime is quickly turning more serious.] [Even more dramatic: His weekend pastime has become a bloodbath rivalling in scope the Massacre at Wounded Knee.]

Jamie can’t figure out what’s attracting the creatures. Is it the new girl in class who looks like a vampire? Or the full moon which never seems to change? Whatever it is, monster sightings soon breach the town’s border – family pets are missing, and frightening noises can be heard throughout the night. [The dash suggests that missing pets and noises are examples of monster sightings. There are three different kinds of evidence, so use a comma.] As the town is overcome by a mob of creatures more terrifying than anything they’ve ever heard of, Jamie and his friends are forced into battle with them. When they discover what these creatures are after, a secret that’s been hidden in Blafford Hills for years, they in turn discover what it means to be true Monster Hunters – because their lives depend on it.

Thanks


Notes

I don't see the YA crowd wanting to read about four kids in a tree house talking about wolfmen. Maybe an actual college fraternity on a campus overrun by monsters. As it is, I'd put your audience in the 9 to 13 range, which makes this middle grade. Title: The Monster Hunters Club. As a middle grade book, I'd say it's a good query.

Is there a reason these kids, rather than adults with guns, are forced into battle with these creatures? I'm not saying there has to be a good explanation (especially if it's for a younger crowd), but if there is one, you might work it in. I assume it isn't the old story that none of the adults believe the creatures exist so it's up to the kids; when the town is being overcome by a mob of terrifying monsters, someone's bound to notice.

Geezer 1: Our town's been destroyed. Half the people are dead with their throats ripped out.
Geezer 2: My grandson says it's a mob of monsters.
Geezer 1: Cute. Got any pictures of him?