Face-Lift 651

Guess the Plot

The Lesser Species

1. Cows have had enough. It's time to knock humans to the bottom of the food chain.

2. Aliens land on earth and refuse to communicate with humans. Strange gases start coming out of their ships, killing any human who comes near them. One scientist realizes the chemicals in the gas are pesticides, and the aliens are carrying tanks full of the stuff to rid the Earth of . . . the lesser species.

3. A man is abducted from Earth by the Galactic Council and put into a zoo with other lesser species. He escapes and rigs the next election so that he becomes Galactic President. But once in power he realizes he'd just as soon have a plate of nachos.

4. Dogs vs. Cats. The final war that will end the debate once and for all.

5. Christof flexed his legs. It was time for the revolution. His army's carapaces gleamed. He was proud of them. So began his war against the lesser species. One day the Earth would again belong to Christof, king of the cockroaches.

6. Biologist Harold Carter is obsessed with the reproduction of the monotremes. He's spent decades in Australia, studying. Meanwhile his wife and children grow increasingly distant. Will he return to soul-crushing suburbia, or stay in Australia with his beloved platypi?



Original Version

While there’s no doubt we humans are happy to wallow in our own importance, what would happen if we were sent into the galaxy where everyone else regards us as The Lesser Species? [We're already regarded as the lesser species by cats. And, of course, sharks.]

Mistaken for Earth’s leaders, Lucy and Peter are abducted by the Galactic Council as part of an outreach project for lesser species. When they end up at a natural zoo, an unhinged journalist orchestrates their escape and leads the reluctant pair on a quest for excitement. [If the Council wants a couple Earthlings in their zoo, why would they care whether they get Earth's leaders? They ought to go for Penn and Teller or Yo-yo Ma and Tina Turner. Much more entertaining for zoo visitors. Wait, professional wrestlers!] This includes seriously annoying a man who owns a religion, [The best example you can come up with of their quest for excitement is they annoy a guy?] and convincing a group of rebellious programmers to rig the next election. On a parallel quest to find Peter, his fiancée Wendy and her friend Mark spend most of their time in a spaceport security line, with a short stint as the pets of reality show stars. All four meet up at the Council where, despite a horrid press photo and inane campaign speeches, Peter is elected Galactic President.

The Lesser Species accompanies these four travelers as they try—and fail—to make sense of their place in the galaxy. Lucy sets out to raise the bar for the human race, but only manages to raise the bar on her weirdness scale. Mark applies scientific reasoning to all problems, and still loses all of his luggage and one of his shoes. Wendy discovers that big breasts and a winning smile really are tickets into anywhere. [Especially if you ever want to be published.] Peter never learns to duck when the galaxy tosses something unexpected at him. But at the heartwarming conclusion, they realize that relationship drama, hot showers, and nachos are what make life as a Lesser Species not so bad.

A science fiction satire of 73,000 words, The Lesser Species would be appreciated by those who (like me) regret that Douglas Adams can’t add a sixth book to his Hitchhiker Trilogy.

As a computer engineer, I spend most of my time writing about real science, but over the past five years, I’ve added fiction to my repertoire. One of my science fiction stories won a Southwest Writer’s Award.

I’d be pleased to send you my completed manuscript. Thank you for your time.


Notes

The tone is right for the type of book. This could get results, but I'm not thrilled by some of the details. For instance, the third paragraph is listy, which is okay, as the plot is finished, but the items in the list aren't especially funny or interesting. Except the breasts, of course. If you could make Lucy's more specific and Mark's less boring it would help. I don't consider it ironic that a guy who applies scientific reasoning to all problems loses luggage and a shoe. Typical absent-minded professor.

The previous paragraph doesn't need the horrid press photo or the waiting in a security line:

On a parallel quest to find Peter, his fiancée Wendy and her friend Mark become celebrities as the pets of galactic reality show stars. All four eventually meet up at the Council where, despite a series of inane campaign speeches, Peter is elected Galactic President.

If you also dump annoying the guy, or replace it with something that is exciting I'd be more excited myself. (Possibly just telling us what they do to annoy him would be enough, if it's funny.)

Cartoon 422

Caption: Whirlochre

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New Beginning 659

The heavy wooden doors, engraved with the image of a dragon, swung slowly open on their iron hinges, revealing a lone figure, a man. Immediately the two guards that had been leaning against the door fell to the ground. Dead.

The intruder cleaned and sheathed the twin short swords he carried, one on either side. He was fairly tall, with straight black hair, crystalline blue eyes, and golden-brown skin that rippled over muscle and sinew. His attire was dark and austere. His only accessories were the two short swords, and a rather large one slung across his back and concealed in black cloth. The most curious thing about him was the rough sack he was carrying.

“They just don’t make doorkeepers like they used to,” the man said wryly. He sauntered into the torch-lit, yet perpetually gloomy and shadow-haunted throne room, wherein sat on a black wrought-iron chair the very person he had come to see. “Greetings, Gripgrim, Lord of Thardus,” he called out in a deep, resonant voice. He over-bowed, more in mockery than respect.

“Welcome, surly warrior,” said Gripgrim, “to The League of Cliché Spouting, Stock Fantasy Characters.”

A scrawny thief sharpened a dagger in the corner and said, “Join us . . . or die.”

“Stay your hand, thief.” said a bearded dwarf. “You can catch more flies with honey than--”

“Silence!” cried an elf as he shot a venomous stare in the dwarf’s direction. “Does your foolishness know no bounds?!”

“Enough! Time is of the essence,” declared Randolph the wizard as he placed a magic amulet on his staff. “Let’s lock and load.”


Opening: Brett Wade.....Continuation: Matthew

Synopsis 16

This synopsis goes with the Face-Lift that appeared July 3. If you haven't read that yet, and you like to play Guess the Plot, scroll down now, as you are about to encounter spoilers.





Hang The Thief - Synopsis
Genre: Fantasy
Author: _______________

A misguided and outcast scholar unwittingly is used by a demon to open gates that bring great evil into the world. The deities as a result awaken and give their faithful the power to save lives. [How long have the deities been asleep? It would be annoying to discover that the reason your prayers have gone unanswered is because the gods have been hibernating for three millennia.] Monsters enter through the gates and natural disasters also occur which kill hundreds. The gates also allow magic to enter the world which gives mankind the power to cause great good and great evil, including the ability to create and use the undead. [Is that an example of great good or great evil? Because if I could use the undead to read slush, that would be good.]

On the day the gates open, Ehlana is seventeen years and adrift in her world without hope or purpose in life and she joins a thieves’ guild for the easy money. Six years later, Ehlana sees two people enter the sewers. [Are you just hitting the highlights of the book?

Scene 1. Chaos reigns as monsters are released into the world.
Scene 2. Six years later two people enter the sewers . . .

Are the monsters still around? What's been happening for six years? Not specific events if there aren't any important ones, but what's the world like? Are people and monsters coexisting? Are monsters killing people right and left?] She is spurred to action when she discovers that one of them is a notorious assassin. She follows the assassin into the sewer and learns that an evil cult is worshipping there. She takes this information to the watch and a high priestess. [Hi, I'm with the local thieves' guild, and I'd like to report a worshiping violation.] With their help she infiltrates the cult, learns of their plot to kill a court official and helps the watch seize the coven. Not all of the cult members are arrested and her life is now in danger. [If the authorities needed someone to go undercover, why would they choose Ehlana? Why not one of their own or at least someone who's never been a member of a criminal organization? And why does Ehlana care if some court official gets killed?]

Ehlana leaves the city for her protection and goes to the Bashkir region where she becomes the clans’ bard and learns their ancient language and that of the gypsies. Three years later [The book keeps starting over. Is there a connection that holds all the parts together besides the fact that Ehlana is in all of them?] the world stands on the brink of war partially due to the catastrophes caused by the gates. Ehlana has dreams and is advised to go to a temple to discover their meaning. She and her guide are joined by a barbarian priestess who believes Ehlana is a child in prophesy. [She's at least 26 years old by now.]

Ehlana learns through visions that the gates need to be closed [It's been over nine years since the gates were opened, bringing death and destruction and monsters upon the land, and no one has thought of closing them yet?] and in order to find out how they must go to the Anaran Academy and Library. There Ehlana using her abilities to read ancient texts and decipher riddles hidden in songs, learns how to close the gates. Although she hates magic and those that use it, she is not convinced they should be closed, because the gods’ gifts would cease as well. [Gates open = Monsters + natural disaters + evil magic (includes undead) + good magic. It's three to one.] She chooses to forsake her destiny but changes her mind when an undead army annihilates the Bashkir region. [Okay, okay, I'll close the lousy gates. Jeez, you'd think nine years of monsters and zombies was the apocalypse or something.]

Ehlana along with friends travel to place the gates were opened and she performs the ritual necessary to close the gates but is killed by the demon’s death knight before she succeeds. The gates are only partially closed. [That's it? The end? She's killed? After failing? That's like Gollum grabbing the ring from Frodo and shoving him into the fires of Mount Doom. Like Westley, Inigo and Fezzik getting killed and Buttercup marrying Humperdinck. Like Babe losing the sheep herding contest and Farmer Hogget selling him to Oscar Meyer.]


Notes

The opening of the gates begins the chaos. The closing of the gates will end the chaos. In between, we want to know about the chaos. Closing the gates doesn't seem so important if all you tell us about the nine years they've been open is that Ehlora spent six years as a bard and then helped prevent one guy from being assassinated. And someone almost went to war with someone. Is the zombie attack on Bashkir the only thing that's happened that's bad enough to spur Ehlana to action? Is studying in the library the only thing Ehlora does to try saving the world?

I see it as a problem that your main character accomplishes absolutely nothing. She has to succeed. If she fails, you may as well scrap this book and write one about the character who comes along later and gets the gates closed. That's the character we want to read about, not the one who accomplishes nothing.

What do the monsters look like? The Incredible Hulk? Dinosaurs? Calling them monsters makes it sound like a kids book. What are they?

Cartoon 421

Caption: Mother (Re)produces

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Saturday Film Series

This screen is smaller than last time I embedded from Youtube; if it's still too wide, I'll replace it with a link.

Face-Lift 650

Guess the Plot

Hang the Thief

1. Fong the Assassin, Peng the Counterfeiter, Chung the Procurer and Ling the Literary Agent already control four-fifths of organized crime in ancient China. Can they recruit the one man they need to make their underworld empire complete?

2. Vingh Pho came to America to start a new life for his family, but after the store he worked so hard to open is robbed by a local teen, he is willing to risk his own freedom to see justice served.

3. Mr. Wong stole her heart. He wrecked her car. He painted her house black. He emptied her bank account. And he took her dog. That was the last straw. Now Nan Chan has called her gang o' sisters: Mae, Jane, Naomi, and Big Bertha -- to extract commensurate revenge. And these ladies always get their man.

4. Bored with her unfulfilling job as a bard, Ehlana seeks answers from a barbarian priestess who tells her she is the chosen one who will save the world. Immediately she decides to seek different answers, but not before an army of zombies destroys the city. Also, a thief.

5. When the letters U and I turn up missing from alphabet soup cans at crime scenes, homicide detective Zack Martinez knows two things: he's on the trail of a kleptomaniac serial killer who was traumatized by a childhood word guessing game; and he'd better remember to pick up his wife's Andy Warhol comforter from Hang's Dry Cleaning.

6. Won Bak Hang is wanted throughout the kingdom for his brazen acts, including stealing the sacred bronze bells of the sky dragons. But beneath his thieving clothes he's actually Won Lu Bang, the Emperor's favorite son. Can he stop the sky dragons before they attack, or will his last theft be his own life?

7. CEO Lisa Madarossi is convicted of embezzlement and sentenced to thirty years. She's let out in five on a plea bargain, but the only job she can find is hangman. When several of her friends are given the death penalty for corporate malfeasance, she helps them plan a massive prison break at their execution. Hijinks ensue.


Original Version

HANG THE THIEF is an epic adventure about an extraordinary woman living in a medieval/fantasy world who with the help of friends attempts to usurp a demon’s plan to destroy her world.

Ehlana, a gregarious young woman, is adrift in her world without purpose or hope for a better life when gates to other worlds are opened. They cause catastrophic natural disasters and allow mythical monsters to enter the world of Craie. [Nothing improves a woman's opportunity for purpose and a better life like the arrival of mythical monsters.] But, they also allow magic to return, giving mankind the opportunity to do great evil, including raising the undead and great good. [It sounds like great good is a second example of great evil.] [Who are the undead? The dead? If so, are all of the dead undead? Or are just the living dead undead? In other words, can you raise the dead, or just the undead, and if the latter, can the dead become undead and then be raised? This would be less confusing if you'd just call them zombies.]

Ehlana accidentally discovers an evil cult’s plot to assassinate a court official and helps the watch apprehend the coven. Not all the leaders are caught, however, and Ehlana leaves the city for her safety. In Bashkir, Ehlana starts a new life and becomes a bard, [at which point my novel enters what I call its boring phase.] fulfilling her dream of becoming part of a royal court but remains unfilled [Unfilled?] and restless.

The world becomes more dangerous and desperate due to civil unrest [A world in which natural disasters and mythical monsters have just been introduced becomes more dangerous because of a few protest marches?] and from those that would use magic for evil. Dreams haunt Ehlana and a gypsy woman convinces her to seek answers at a temple. She is guided there by others, including a barbarian priestess who believes Ehlana is the fulfillment of prophesy. There visions forewarn the destruction of the world unless the gates are closed and she is advised the fates have chosen her to do so.

However, self-doubt and moral doubts plague Ehlana – she does not believe in fate and questions if this should even be her responsibility. Shouldn’t the queen or priests be responsible? She decides to forsake her destiny but before she does an army of undead destroys Bashkir. Devastated Ehlana travels to another country to seek answers in ancient tomes and songs. [Lemme get this straight. When catastrophic disasters and monsters show up, our heroine flees to Bashkir. When she's told she must save the world from destruction, our heroine says, "Screw that." When an army of zombies attack Bashkir, our heroine flees to another country. Are you absolutely certain you've chosen the best character to focus the story on?] The demon, however, has not been lying dumb in his lair and has learned of Ehlana. Realizing she is the child of prophesy, he will send his most powerful minions to stop her. [I like a villain who has powerful minions.] [I also like a villain who gets mentioned occasionally. Is the demon responsible for everything? Because one could get the impression he has been lying dumb in his lair. Whatever that means. The demon has a lair?] [You make it sound like the demon sent his zombies to destroy Bashkir before he knew of Ehlana. Why?]

Follow this unconquerable spirit as she [flees danger and disaster across the continents.] develops the courage and the skills necessary to save her world. Only two questions remain - [1. Will a hero show up in time to keep Ehlana alive? and 2. Does the demon have an opening for an experienced bard?] who will win this epic tale of good vs. evil and is it too late?

HANG THE THIEF is a 106,000 word fantasy adventure and I am interested in finding an agent to represent it. Thank you for your consideration.


Notes

This is too long. And it's all set-up. Here's the only set-up you need: The demon Rokoko has opened the gates to hell, and Ehlana is the one prophesied to close them. No gypsy, barbarian priestess, cult, coven, etc. What's her plan? Who's helping her? Is there any way this bard can defeat a demon who has an army of zombies? Does she have magic on her side?

Start over. Give yourself nine sentences in which to convey the plot, and make sure at least six of them cover the period after Ehlana accepts that she's the chosen one. Or is that book 2?

Cartoon 420

Caption: Mother (Re)produces

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New Beginning 658

Waurubr T’Saurakil, Consul to Earth of the Third Kimust Empire and captain of the Gaia-class space ship Daughter of Nausk, shook with rage as he gave the order to open fire. ‘This is for Hamari,’ he thundered through his side-mouth, as the first of the electromagnetic pulse devices detonated three thousand kilometres above the surface of the planet below. ‘And this is for Tureni’, as, ten milliseconds later, the anti-proton particle cannons - carried by autonomous micro-scout craft in higher orbits - obliterated the entirety of the planet’s satellite communications and feeble space-based weapons in a single all-spectrum flash of annihilation. The second wave of EMP weapons finished off the few electronic devices still operating on the planet after the initial blast – mainly those military systems the humans foolishly considered to be ‘hardened’ – leaving only a few subterranean facilities still operating. Waurubr, his anger now abating, instructed the ship’s synthetic control-mind to show him a selection of images of the destruction he had wrought. He growled with satisfaction at flying craft falling from the sky, roads blocked by immobile ground vehicles and, most of all, at the simultaneous blinking out of lights across the whole of the dark side of the planet. He briefly considered a last assault to dig out the buried electrical activity coming from the human government forces but, after a moment’s thought, decided that it would be more of a punishment for the planet to leave them be.



Mike sighed in exasperation as his boss, Tim, walked into the room. “What’s wrong?” asked Tim.

Mike threw his hands in the air and said, “I received this block of text via an intergalactic broadcast channel and I can’t decipher it for the life of me!”

Tim took a look at the message. “Hmm, let’s see...Waurubr T’Saurakil? Kimust, Nausk, Hamari, kilometres, Tureni . . . Ah, don’t worry about it, Mike. This text is clearly written in an alien language that no human could possibly comprehend. But you get high marks for effort--I would’ve stopped reading after the first line.”


Opening: Fred.....Continuation: Matthew

Cartoon 419

Caption: Anon.

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Face-Lift 649

Guess the Plot

Cyborg Harrow

1. For years Cyborgs had been quietly integrated into society. Now they're being terminated, their parts recycled for scrap metal--and the cyborg running the program doesn't know he's one himself.

2. When Steve Harrow wakes to find a psychopathic killer and a cop in his bedroom, he convinces them to settle their differences by playing video games while encased in rubber costumes. But Harrow's handler, General Ascot, has other ideas for the killer and the cop. He wants to convert them into human computers capable of controlling world finance, killer satellites and soulless assassins. Can Steve, who is part machine himself, prevent the General and his platoon of death-dealing cyborgs from enacting their plot for world domination?

3. Farmer Harrow chose to become a cyborg rather than live as a quadraplegic. Now he must defeat a zamboni in a cage match to win the love of a vending machine.

4. The teenage daughter of a mad scientist deals with school, homework, and figuring out how to attract a boy when she has to recharge her batteries every few hours. On the plus side, she has laser cannons in her eyes.

5. The boys of the Upper Fifth are in trouble! Molesworth hasn't downloaded his Latin prep, Derbyshire's titanium bowling arm is in for repairs, and now Potts Major has picked up a wetware cybervirus from one of the girls at Android Roedean. Will they be ready for the crucial cricket match against Bionic Eton?

6. In a dystopian future Britain, only those with technologically augmented brains and bodies can win a place at one of the country's top schools. Half-boy, half-machine Tom Brown struggles for an elite education in a society where a high metal content is a must.



Original Version

Dear Agent,

Steve Harrow is a man with a history, a man of parts. He writes computer war games, creates costumes for Sci-Fi movies, talks to computers and dreams of colonizing the galaxy. But that all might end today when one of his friends, a psychopathic killer nicknamed Jack the Sprat, surprises him with a wake-up gunshot and the crooked cop chasing Jack shows up wanting to split the loot -- one way. [What loot?] [Why doesn't the killer just call himself Jack Sprat? A sprat is a fish. Jack the Sprat sounds like Felix the Cat or Rocky the Flying Squirrel or Howard the Duck. But they were a cat and a flying squirrel and a duck. Is Jack a herring?] [Also, can Jack the Sprat eat fat, or just lean?]

But dying does not fit into Steve's plans. [Who said anything about dying? Why is Jack there?] He's planned in advance for occasions like this [What made him think occasions like this might arise? Who is this guy?] and the killer and the cop end up playing video games while completely encased in rubber costumes; no small recruiting feat. [Like most editors, I sometimes lie awake nights wondering what I would do if a gang of disgruntled authors were trying to get into my house to kill me. My plans range from pushing a dresser in front of the bedroom door to running up to the attic and cowering quietly behind forgotten boxes of slush. The chances that I might convince the intruders to let me encase them in rubber seems like a long shot.] Steve is definitely a man of more parts than any man alive. He is already part machine and must one day sacrifice his flesh and blood body to computer chips and metal. [Thus completing his conversion from cyborg to X-box.]

General Ascot, Steve's military handler, [Don't generals have better things to do than act as handlers for guys who write game programs? Can't the general delegate this to a colonel?] wants the killer and the cop converted to human computers capable of controlling worldwide finances, killer satellites and soulless assassins. Ascot has an entire Platoon ready to be transformed into death-dealing cyborgs and subhuman automatons, willing and able to do his bidding. [Willing? When you place an order for a terminator, you shouldn't have to specify whether you want it to be willing or unwilling to do your bidding. "Willing" should go without saying. I'm surprised they even make unwilling ones.]

[Hey pal, this cyborg you sold me just sits around all day watching soaps instead of killing my enemies.

Oh, did you want the kind willing to do your bidding?] The only man standing between Ascot and his dream of hegemony is Steve Harrow.

CYBORG HARROW is a 21000 word SciFi novella of surprises, of cross and double cross. [SciFi is now known as SyFy. Supposedly this is less offensive to aliens and/or nerds.] A day when no man can be taken at face value and any man might lose his humanity and become a cyborg. [I don't mind that that's not a sentence, but it would be a better non-sentence if it started with "Of," so I suspect from the start that it's not gonna be a sentence.] In a world one step from the end of humanity as we know it, one man stands for human life and its future. [And that man, apparently, is a cyborg.]

The first 5000 words are attached. Thanks for your time and effort.


Notes

Isn't it a little unusual for someone who designs costumes for movies to have a military handler?

When you say any man might lose his humanity and become a cyborg, I get the impression it's something that just happens out of the blue. Someone has to do it to you, right? Do you lose your humanity when you become a cyborg, or do you become a cyborg when you lose your humanity?

I'm writing a book in which it's discovered that Barack Obama is a cyborg. Then the people have to decide whether to impeach him or to stick it out and hope he doesn't plan to destroy humanity.

Is one platoon of cyborgs really enough to doom humanity?

If Steve is a man of more parts than any man alive, does that mean he's the only cyborg?

The first sentence is too vague to make me care what it means.

Why is Steve the only man who can save humanity? Can't he go to the press or the government and blow the whistle?

Cartoon 418

Caption: anon.

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New Beginning 657

Stuart Nash grasped the metal handrail with both hands, convulsed, and through streaming eyes watched the remains of his breakfast vanish into the churning waters of the North Atlantic. Another spasm ran through his slight frame, but there was nothing left in his stomach to come up. He spat, vainly trying to clear the foul burning taste from his mouth. Beneath him, the research vessel Waylander surged and rolled as the vast cold grey waves jostled her. Spray prickled across Stu's face and the backs of his hands, the only parts of him exposed to the elements. His grip on the rail tightened. Before him there was only an endless vista of wild iron-grey sea, clouds scudding across a sky only a few shades lighter. Stu looked weakly out across the sea, and hated every square foot of it.

There were footsteps on the deck behind him, and a warm voice said, "Oh, shit, Stu, not again, man?"

"Afraid so, Zack," Stuart moaned. "I told you at the start, I don't sail well. I wanna go home."

"I don't blame you, " Zack said. "But wouldn't that look bad? I mean, you are the captain."


Opening: Steve Wright.....Continuation: Faceless Minion (mostly)

New Beginning 656

It’s not easy to recognize a vampire. Forrest didn’t even recognize one when it fell out of the sky and landed at his feet. This happened at night, as most interesting things do, and this night Forrest was walking home. Home was an apartment (one of many) in a tall building, which rose (one of many) above dirty concrete and dirty grass in a housing project. Forrest, eleven, scrawny and mouselike, walked back to his mousehole, while above him pond-froth clouds swirled around the yellow moon. Coming home to a drunk-too-much father wasn’t something Forrest looked forward to, but he was used to it. The upside of the situation was that Forrest was never expected home on time. Forrest sometimes wondered if he was expected home at all. As he walked along the cracked sidewalk, a boy landed spread-eagle in front of him. Forrest stopped and stared, and eventually kicked the body.

"Ouch." The boy opened his blood-red eyes and saw Forrest standing over him.

"What's your problem?"

"Oh, I thought you were my brother. He likes to jump off the roofs of the (one of many) buildings at night. He's a douchebag," Forrest explained.

"Hasn't he killed himself yet?" The boy asked, getting up suddenly and dusting himself off. He stepped over (one of many) leaves on the pavement, and stood oddly close to Forrest.

"No, it's a little strange, isn't it?" Forrest mused, completely oblivious to the fact that this stranger was smelling his neck. "But Mama always said, life is like a box of...Hey!"


Opening: Zachary Hudson.....Continuation: Shoshana Beaubahna

Cartoon 418

Caption: anon.

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New Beginning 655

Sandy broke into a run, trying to catch the silhouettes as they moved further down the endless mirrored hallway. The faster he ran, the faster the shadows shrunk away. He feared what lay beyond his sight. Panic swept over him suffocating his cry for them to stop but they disappeared, beyond his reach. Then, as if he had crossed some invisible threshold, the mirrored hallway vanished and Sandy found himself standing in an enormous circular stone room with no visible ceiling.

The walls were covered in grotesque art, depicting pain stricken faces and tortured corpses trying to escape from their stone tomb. They rose to an unthinkable height before falling into darkness, but failed to open to the night sky. He ran to the middle of the room and his feet became lead, unmoving, as if stuck in quick sand. In a panic he searched for what was holding him in place. In the shadows he saw them, each in a separate cage against the wall to his right. Their mouths hung open and their bodies slumped in despair. They pleaded for rescue with their eyes, but he could not even speak their names.

He knew who they were, knew their names, knew their families, even the dreams they had for their children. But they had failed, and were now forever banished to this hellish dungeon where, inevitably, their flesh would rot and their souls turn to dust.

One icy hand clamped upon his ankle. Already it was too late; they were dragging him down, and before the sun rose he too would be reading slush for Evil Editor.


Opening: Jeffrey Baird.....Continuation: Khazar-khum

Face-Lift 648

Guess the Plot

Hybreed Rising

1. Geneticists create wolf/man hybrids. Also known as werewolves. One thing leads to another and soon an inter-species war looms, threatening to destroy all life on Earth. Also, the usual shadow organization with its own agenda.

2. The secrets of the industrial metal music neoplastic underworld are revealed with interviews and historical notes of some of its greatest contributors: Low Distortion Unit, In-Fused, Dual Proform, Skinny Puppy and Ooomph, as well as some up-and- coming new artists like Frequency Construct and Luser Dazed.

3. All the farmers around Oskaloosa Iowa told Frank he was crazy to let them put a chemical storage facility on his land, but with his vegetables dominating the fair circuit, it looks like Frank will get the last laugh . . . until the deer start growing fangs.

4. Four vikings set sail across the Atlantic hoping to establish their new strains of sweet peas in the new world. But when the manuscript containing their research falls into the hands of an Imperial agent, the last Roman legion rows out after them.

5. Geneticist Judith Fancher perfects the world's fastest growing yeast, but when she uses it in her chocolate souffle recipe, she--and the entire town--get an unpleasant surprise. Now it's up to the National Guard.

6. Mankind destroyed the world, but from the ashes and stew of chemicals and poisonous air rises a new breed, the hybreed...who will stop at nothing to search out and obliterate the remnants of man. Can one reporter from the Galaxy News Network save us from an army of mutants?


Original Version

Greetings,

I am seeking representation for my novel, Hybreed Rising, the first in a series called The Hybreed Chronicles. [I can tell you've formed a strong attachment to the word "hybreed," but if you can't somehow manage to break free of it, this project and your writing career are essentially doomed.]

By the 22nd century the American Empire has ruled the Earth for two hundred years, and now it is on the brink of a paradigm shift. [According to my calculations, this means that by the 20th century, the American Empire had started ruling the Earth. Which is pretty much how Americans see it, but not entirely accurate. So either the math is off, or this is planet Earth but with a completely different history--which makes it Rigel IV.] Christopher Hansen can do a little 'shifting' of his own, but he doesn’t know how or why. When he is forced to put aside his version of community service to find answers, help comes from a most unlikely source: Department 118 of the American Empire. With their aid Chris discovers an inner threat to the livelihood of his kind [His kind has a livelihood? I can think of many livelihoods shapeshifters (if that's what he is) would be good at: hitman, female impersonator . . . Elvis impersonator . . . but it's hard to believe all shapeshifters' have one livelihood.] and an outer threat to their very existence – both of which are set against him. What’s more, exposing the threats may lead to the destruction of life on Earth through inter-species war. Can Chris neutralize the dangers to his kind while keeping his life and values intact? [When the stakes include the elimination of all life on Earth, screw values.] What are the true intentions of Department 118 and the Empire toward his people? Will Chris ever find a place where he can belong? [And most importantly, will I ever clarify what the hell I'm talking about?]

Hybreed Rising is the first book of an epic tale wherein werewolves play an integral part, but don't be fooled: This is not part of the horror or paranormal genre. The story is set in the future where America is an empire, so it might be considered Commercial Fiction or Alternate Reality. [I've had the feeling I'm in an alternate reality for some time now.] It is told in two parts which correlate fluidly and offer further installments. Part One (38,364 words) sets the stage, introduces the main characters, and allows them to meet and overcome challenges. [This sounds like a new season of Survivor.] [Part Two is the Tribal Council, right?] Part Two (50,892 words) brings in lycanthropic cultures [Wait a minute . . . Did you say lycanthropic cultures?!] (you read it right: lycanthropic cultures), a shadow organization with its own agenda, and a grand battle between tribes of werewolves. [Survivor would be much more interesting if it had tribes of werewolves. Or maybe one tribe of werewolves and one tribe of zombies.] The story addresses moral and ethical issues, [Like, is it wrong to vote a tribemate off the island just because he tears out Jeff Probst's throat?] and also offers mystery, action, and humor (bad puns included). [Bad puns are never a selling point.] The full manuscript (97,615 words) [Part 1 + Part 2 = 89,000 words. Apparently this is one of those novels where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.] and a synopsis are available upon request. Novellas which explore the adventures of Chris and his comrades are also available, [as are flash fiction pieces and limericks,] and a novel-sized sequel is currently in development.

My name is ______________, but I use the pseudonym _______________. I’m nowhere near as interesting as this story. [Anyone more interesting than his story should trash the story and write his autobiography.] I believe wolves and werewolves are among the most misrepresented and misunderstood creatures in literature and cinema. [I might buy that about wolves, but werewolves? How do you misrepresent a werewolf?] My aspirations include discussing these subjects [You aspire to discuss the misrepresentation of werewolves?] and other related storylines, seeing my works published, and perhaps building a fan base. [For you or for werewolves?] One of the short stories based on this storyline appeared in the final issue of Fang, Claw and Steel, and another appears in beginning issues of Is this Reality? Magazine. [Hard to believe a magazine that publishes werewolf stories can't come up with a better name than Is this Reality?]

I posted queries and excerpts on internet forums to gain feedback on my innovative take on werewolves. Many readers commended my portrayal, which incorporates self-awareness, unique cultural aspects, and authentic wolf characteristics [like fangs, claws, lungs that can blow a house down, and an uncanny resemblance to Red Riding Hood's Grandma] into the creature. Hybreed Rising effectively re-envisions werewolves while telling an endearing, entertaining story with strong, relatable characters. Testimonies from readers are available upon request. [It's always helpful, when a query is too long, for it to have a paragraph like that one, where I can just say delete the whole thing.]

Further research proves audiences are tired of the same old 'Jekyll-and-Hyde' storyline forced upon the werewolf mythos. [If you think audiences are tired of it, you should hear what the werewolves have to say.] [It seems to me that if audiences are tired of the same old wolfmen, instead of giving them different wolfmen you might give them kangaroomen or cowmen. Maybe it's not the mythos people are tired of, maybe it's the fact that it's always a wolf. If you're reading about a hybreed, why must it be man/wolf?

Geneticist 1: We have the means to create a hybrid of a man and any animal in existence. Which animal should we use?]

Geneticist 2: How about a wolf?

Geneticist 1: That's what I was thinking, too.]

Fortunately, Hybreed Rising takes this classic back player of monster stories and brings them into the limelight from the direction of soft genetic science, addressing many never-answered questions of werewolf existence. [For instance, Q: Do werewolves exist? A: Yes.] Hybreed Rising investigates the coexistence of the dual natures such a creature would inherit, exploring what a merger between man and wolf might create under individual circumstances and life experiences.

I hope this short explanation [Short? My Masters thesis was shorter. (But hey, how much can you write about the religious symbolism in John Grisham's novels?)] captures your interest. I give my sincerest thanks for your time and attention, and stand ready to send my work at your request. I can be reached at _________ or __________ for your convenience.

Kindest Regards,


Notes

There's a pretty well-known Chris Hansen whose claim to fame is entrapping Internet sex predators and ID thieves for Dateline NBC.

Werewolves don't exist. Thus anyone can portray werewolves any way they want without fear that they are misrepresenting them. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if someone read your book and declared that you misrepresent werewolves.

The first long paragraph, which is your plot, is too vague. What is meant by paradigm shift? What is meant by "shifting"? What is meant by "his version of community service?" What is the inner threat? What is the outer threat? Tell us specifically what's going on. Focus on Chris. If he's a werewolf, say so.

Most of the rest is more likely to hurt your cause than help it. Get rid of everything that could be construed as bragging about your book. Every author thinks his book is innovative and original. An agent can't tell which ones really are until she reads them, so just make the plot sound intriguing/exciting/fun/whatever. That's the way to get her to want to read it. Not by declaring it great. The author is the last person she's gonna believe.

Cartoon 417

Caption: anon.

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Saturday Film Series

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New Beginning 654

More than anything, Poetry wished she had a button. Failing that, she would have settled for an out-of-the-way corner in which to pin her shirt closed. She had neither. What she did have was forty-odd students and a handful of passers-by, gawking at her and her lime green bra.

She could flee back into school for a bathroom. Of course, the sharks had already scented her blood. Just crossing her arms to cover her chest would be like opening a vein into the water. She was never going to live this down. Poetry stood up straight.

“Could I have your attention, please?”

She already had everyone’s attention; the gigglers, the whisperers, the nice kids cringing in sympathy. Even the man across the street was staring.

“Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please.” Calmly, without looking down, she began working on her shirt. “Public viewing hours for Poetry Wu’s Wondrous Heaving Bosom are now over.”

It was then that she heard a popping noise from her waistband and felt a sudden draught round her legs. She rolled her eyes. The jeans had proved just as shoddy as the shirt, and now Poetry Wu's Amazing Jiggling Ass was open to the public.

One thing at a time, she thought. She concentrated on the shirt and tried to ignore the increasingly hysterical voice at the back of her mind - the one that kept reminding her she'd bought the underwear on special at Wal-Mart too.


Opening: Lianne.....Continuation: Steve

Cartoon 416

Caption: anon.

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Little Pitchers Have Big Ears

EE, here's a news article you might find interesting. In short, research shows people are more amenable to ideas spoken into their right ear: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/scienceandtechnology/science/sciencenews/5612036/Want-to-get-something-done--talk-to-people-in-their-right-ear.html I extrapolate that to making agent pitches: If you're at a writers' conference and have a chance to pitch your story idea, pitch it into the agent's right ear. And if you're stuck on the agent's left side, just point off in a direction to her left and say, "Hey, it's Stephen King and he's looking for a new agent." When she turns her right ear to you, give her your pitch.

--Bill H


Clever, Bill. But according to the article, the evidence is the number of cigarettes bummed per ear, along with the fact that what goes in the right ear is processed by the logical side of the brain. But the way I see it, if someone tries to bum a cigarette, the logical side of your brain will assume that if you give him the cigarette he'll go away. If someone tries to pitch you a manuscript, the logical side of the brain will assume that if you buy the manuscript, you'll never be rid of him. Thus, a pitch should go to the left ear, where it will be processed by the illogical side of the brain, the only side that might consider buying it.

Face-Lift 647

Guess the Plot

From Hopkins to Homeless

1. College sophomore Donna Williams works backward through the encyclopedia to learn about life, love, and spelling -- and gets her first job: baking crumpets at the Mad Duchess, a surreal cafe frequented by passionate young men who all look like Che Guevera.

2. Tired of inspirational stories about homeless guys becoming concert violinists and CEOs? Then you'll love this story of a doctor who threw away a promising career. Prescription forgery, suicide attempts, drug addiction and car crashes take him from respected doctor to homeless guy, and then to rock bottom: homeless guy writing a book.

3. When Bailey Barron discovers she's adopted, she drops out of Baltimore's Johns Hopkins medical school to experience the world of her homeless biological father. What she finds is a world filled with danger, hunger, disrespect and filth. But hey, it's got interning beat by a mile.

4. The true story of Dr. Shereen Martin, who went from Assistant Professor of Wymyn's studies at Johns Hopkins to homeless when her jealous rivals for the attention of biologist Dr. Lynn Morgan exposed her groundbreaking work on the plight of lesbian opticians in Baltimore as a total fabrication.

5. Dr. Jonathan Rydell was a brilliant plastic surgeon whose life fell apart. Alcohol, gambling, and the loss of his medical license, friends and family, are followed by a fall into homeless despair. But when developers plan to bulldoze the shelter and put up a high-rise condo building, Rydell springs into action.

6. Ian Adams, fired from teaching at prestigious Johns Hopkins medical school in Baltimore, demonstrates that even hobos can perform brain surgery. But can he prove his former students aren't behind the recent kidney thefts?


Original Version

I am currently respectfully seeking representation for the publication of my autobiography, “From Hopkins to Homeless: My True Story of Drug Addiction”. This book addresses the disease of addiction and the process of recovery by providing a unique, thought provoking, and inspirational insight [through suffering, sacrifice, and redemption] [Those brackets should be parentheses; otherwise readers will think I put them there, and wonder what's so funny.] into the life cycle of addiction as experienced by a severe prescription addict [myself]. [Those brackets can stay, as that's pretty funny.] This book will have approximately 275 [8.5” x 5.5”] pages [Are you printing your manuscript on 8.5" x 5.5" paper, or have you already chosen the font and font size and book dimensions the publisher is to use?] divided into 12 chapters, 15 appendixes and 12 (if not cost prohibitive) pictures and illustrations. [When a former doctor offers to send me fifteen appendixes, I start to worry about where he's getting them.]

[Appendix 1: Possible side effects of taking six oxycontin tablets a day, including losing your job as a respected physician.

Appendix 2: Baltimore Restaurants with the best dumpster fare.

Appendix 3: Johns Hopkins nurses who put out when you're a doctor, but not when you're a homeless guy.

Appendix 4: Unrealistic things that have happened on House.

Appendix 5: My favorite bridges for sleeping under.

Appendix 6: Why killing other homeless guys and selling their organs isn't the best path back to respectability.

Appendix 7: How the hell did you come up with material for fifteen appendixes?

Appendix 8: Things doctors do with removed appendixes (includes recipes).

Appendix 9: Baltimore area pharmacists with lax ethics.

Appendix 10: Johns Hopkins doctors who are always high but haven't been caught yet.

Appendix 11: Why carjacking people as they pull away from the drive-thru at CVS is a bad idea.

Appendix 12: How you can get drugs to me.

Appendix 13: Heroin vs. aspirin: An ex-doctor's surprising perspective.

Appendix 14: Christ, it looks like I'm gonna make it to fifteen after all.

Appendix 15: Literary agents who refused to take me on just because I'm a homeless guy.]

Starting in my Doctorate program in Respiratory Medicine and ending homeless on the streets, addiction crept into my life [It wasn't addiction that was homeless; it was you. Try: ...in Respiratory Medicine, I ended up homeless on the streets when addiction crept into my life...] and took from me my possessions, my profession, my loved ones, and my sanity. [If addiction doesn't take your sanity, trying to make it as a writer surely will.] One day I was a respected well-known Senior Medicinal Aerosol Scientist lecturing all over the world, and next I was being arrested at a medical conference in Atlanta for forging a prescription earlier that day. [Signing another doc's name to a prescription is illegal; signing another doc's name to one of your prescriptions is stupid. But understandable if you were desperate for a fix.] The police waited until I finished my lecture, approached me, put me in handcuffs, and led me through the conference hall while all my colleagues were looking at me in utter disbelief.

[Cop 1: We should at least let him finish his lecture before we arrest him.

Cop 2: Are you kidding? If he goes on another five minutes we'll all be asleep dead.]

This book describes all of the incidents that I experienced, [All of them?] (some very dark and disturbing), during my 9 year journey/battle from addiction to sobriety and recovery. From 3 suicide attempts, [If you can't slit your wrists properly in three tries, I'm glad you never operated on me.] 2 roll over car crashes, 15 toxic overdoses [each of which is described in detail in its own appendix], having a gun put to my head and many more. It is amazing to me that I did not die. [I'm surprised the doctors didn't let you die after 20 trips to the emergency room and no way to pay for them.] I feel I still have something I need to accomplish. I have kept all supporting documents during my addiction to prove my book is an accurate and factual account of my life as an addict. I knew one day it would be a remarkable story and at the same time have great potential to provide hope, advice, guidance, and assistance [Those last three are pretty much all the same thing.] to other addicts seeking sobriety and long term recovery.

My credentials and qualifications for writing this book include:
Ø For nine years I experienced every aspect of being an addict trying to regain my sobriety in a system that is overworked, under funded, and not always a priority to assist those addicts who truly want help. [Not really a qualification for writing this or any book.]

Ø Being school orientated, for years I researched addiction aggressively to find an answer. I became very educated about this disease but realized there is no textbook answer and I was going to have to trust people I did not know to save my life. [That must have been almost as scary as trusting a drug-addicted respiratory doctor you don't know to save your life.]

Ø A Master’s degree and required thesis in respiratory medicine. [Maybe you can explain why it is I can hear the dog whimpering three rooms away when I'm asleep, but I can't hear myself snoring like a chainsaw cutting petrified wood.] 

Ø Nine peer reviewed publications in various medical journals.

Ø Fifty-five medical papers published and presented at the numerous medical conferences that took place every year.

Ø Contributing author, (in one chapter), in the book, “Inhalations Aerosols”, [Anagram: Heroin: Satan's lasso.] edited by Anthony Hickey.

To help you decide if you might be interested in representing my book, I can send the following immediately upon your request: My Promotion Plan, My Curriculum Vitae, My Competition Analysis, and a Proposal of a possible subsequent book taken from daily journals and experiences in my year long residential treatment. [What about the book? Can you send the book?]

Thank you for your generous time. I eagerly await your response and look forward to hearing from you soon. I have enclosed a SASE for your convenience.


Notes

It's too long. You don't need to tell the publisher the page count, paper size, number of chapters/appendixes. The word count will do.

You don't need to list your qualifications. You experienced the events in the book. That's what's important for the writing of an autobiography. Although . . .

I'm not sure I'd call it an autobiography, as it has a narrow focus.

You don't need documentation of your addiction in your book. You may need it to get on Oprah, as she's probably being careful about that stuff these days.

The query details your fall, but as you claim the book will aid other addicts (those who read books, anyway) you might want to tell us how far back you've come. Do you have a home, a job, a family? Do you help the homeless? Show that ultimately it's an inspirational story.

Cartoon 415

Caption: anon.

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New Beginning 653

Deep within the vaults of the celebrated Academy and Library of Anaran, a pale man fretfully muttered when the page he was reading crumbled to dust in his hand. The poor light of a single, fluttering candle and the scrawl on the ancient text made his eyes water with fatigue.

Etan, however, had many hours to go before he would give up for the night and steal a few hours of sleep. In the morning, he would return to his studies in the academy before sneaking down to the basement again to resume his surreptitious research.

The scholar’s subject, Tiruces, was one of the most influential scholars of history and a favorite subject of professors and students, and as such, was not a subject most kept secret. During his lifetime and even now he was renowned for his lectures and writings on government and virtues of man. He was also one of founding fathers of Anaran and it had been endlessly argued, and largely agreed upon, that without him the Republic would have never been born.

Zzzz...Zzzz...Hmm? What the--? I came here to write a continuation, but I must have dozed off. Let's see, where was I?

Though it was long postulated that the origins of Tiruces' erudite disquisitions lay in his draconian upbringing, contemporary academicians have recently advanced the hypothesisqzxqw ...Zzzz.


Opening: Vivian Whetham.....Continuation: Matthew

Cartoon 414

Caption: Anon.

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Face-Lift 646

Guess the Plot

Don't Forget the Death Ray

1. A team of astronauts arrive in a new world, only to discover the atmosphere is full of poppy-gas that adversely affects their cognition and makes them vulnerable to kidnap by flying monkeys, green women, and singing midgets.

2. The ultimate reference work on how to write comic books. Includes invaluable advice like: Don't put an alien's third eye on the back of his head; Never make a spandex costume pink; and of course . . . Don't Forget the Death Ray.

3. All mad scientist Lysander Schultz wants to do is take over one, maybe two continents so his mother will finally stop complaining he's never accomplished anything. But then Mama Schultz gets wind of the plot and decides her baby boy can't possibly do it without her assistance...

4. What happens to megalomaniacal arch-villains whose powers fade as they proceed into their golden years and find they can no longer remember exactly what they were going to do with the world once they dominated it? This is the story of a most unusual assisted-care facility where, more often than not, weapons of mass destruction are found in the refrigerator rather than in that tray on the dresser where they belong.

5. Ironic hipster Lance McAllister's blog, "Don't Forget The Death-Ray," is a send-up of science fiction cliches and alien abductions. It's all fun and games, until the Reticulons show up and the anal probes start.

6. Zorpha Qv'naul has had to deal with one too many creeps who think, just because they paid for immersion in the nutrient vats, she should drop her carapace and become brood-host to their natal swarm. So she's written a handbook of practical advice for the single female tentaculoid playing the dating game on Eta Horologii IV.



Original Version

I'd like to sell a fun and informative book about how to write superhero novels and comic books. Don't Forget the Death-Ray! would be aimed at readers aged 13-18.

My main writing credential is that I run Superhero Nation, a writing advice website that has had 150,000 readers in the past two years. My superhero writing advice is credible and effective. [Evil Editor is a good name for a superhero who gives writing advice (though my advice is incredible and ineffective). And thanks to my laser vision I can also battle super villains. Here are my arch-enemies:]













In addition, I have three years of experience writing for college newspapers.

I am better-suited to reach teen readers than most of the authors currently writing in this field. Most of them are 40-something or 50-something comic book writers. They have experience that would be absolutely critical to older readers, but teen readers also value relatability. [Better to say you are well-suited because teens relate to you, than to say you are better-suited and then put down the forty-somethings. You may be sending this to someone who's not so young.] I believe that the success of my website is evidence of that. [Actually, it's evidence that the same twelve people visit your site 20 times every day. And I should know.] As a college senior myself, I relate to teens very easily. Additionally, the experience I have-- winning a grant to write a superhero novel manuscript-- is more relevant to young readers. I'm very familiar with the ground-level of the industry and how to succeed as a newcomer. [Did you succeed as a newcomer?] In contrast, most competing authors broke into the industry twenty or thirty years ago. [As shown in the following chart, old people are behind the times when it comes to superhero powers:

Old Superheroes (low relatability)

Superhero..................... Talent

Green Arrow ................. Good at archery
Aquaman .......................Can hold breath a long time
Batman ..........................None
Superman..................... Everything
Spiderman ....................Senses danger
Mr. Fantastic ............... Can stretch really far
Silver Surfer .................Can surf without water

New Superheroes (high relatability)

Superhero...............Talent

Mall Babe ....................Expert shopper
The Controller..............Really fast thumbs
Guitar Hero .................Really fast fingers
The Idol .......................Karaoke Master
Rapper .........................None
Tweeter ........................Conciseness
Textgirl ........................Cryptography

Please let me know if you would like me to send a proposal. I can be reached at [e-mail address] or [phone number.] [Asking if they want a proposal is inviting them to say no. A proposal is not so long that you shouldn't just send it. What is it, two or three chapters to give them an idea what your book is like? It's the least you can send, as your query letter tells them nothing about what your book is like.]

Thanks for your time and consideration.

Yours,


Notes

There's nothing about your book in the letter. The entire thing is your credentials. And you don't have any.

If you don't have the credentials of others in your field, your strategy should not be to send a query that mainly states why your lack of credentials is actually a plus; your strategy should be to show that your book is so creative and original it shines above other works in the field. Give an example or two of your book relating to teens in a way that will make teens prefer your book to others.

A nonfiction book doesn't need to be finished, but unless you have credentials, you need to finish some of it and send it on to demonstrate that you've got the goods.

The number of thirteen-year-olds who can (and want to) write a decent novel, with or without your advice, is limited. Maybe you should just do comic books.

Cartoon 413

Caption: Whirlochre

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New Beginning 652

The black cane whapped against the counter in front of me and I dropped my bowl of cereal. At least it was sans milk.

“You’re next.” Marcus let the cane tip fall to the floor. “And you’re running out of time.”

I surveyed my older brother sitting there in his kitchen chair; acting like he ruled this family; and not apologizing one bit for the mess he created. “Marcus Willby, you are deranged.”

“Don’t call me that.” His lower lip pushed out beyond his wispy moustache. He shuttered his big brown eyes, and leaned his head back. His mouth creaked open. His breath rattled in the back of his throat.

That was it. Audience over. Begging on street corners had seriously mushed his brain. I shook my head and swept up the mess before Mom came down and added her bit to the insanity. Just because Marcus broke his leg – in thirteen places – when he turned thirteen didn’t mean I would do the same. I was not my brother. I glanced at him again. Nope. Not even close. The bowl shards and corn puffs tumbled into the trash can.

I thought about the past few years. Marcus had broken all ten fingers when he was ten, all eleven toes when he was eleven, and last year broke his hip in twelve places. Tomorrow he would turn fourteen and the curse would jump to me. That's what the old Gypsy woman had said.

I looked at Marcus sitting at the table, his big brown eyes, his mushy brain. I grabbed the cane from where he'd leant it against his chair. He was right. I was running out of time.


Opening: Sarah Laurenson.....Continuation: Freddie

Cartoon 412

Caption: Whirlochre

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