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Guess the Plot

Rising Flame, Breaking Stone

1. Two men at the dawn of civilization compete in a contest for the best technological advancement. Ug's idea will bring heat and light to the people, while Lee is certain he can win with something round. But when Lee's hand is crushed, he must put his faith in Ug to bring both their inventions to the finish line.

2. Neither Rising Flame nor Breaking Stone wanted to be a neophyte monk. However, after their monastery is burned and the rest of their fellows killed, they decide it's easier to go after the perpetrators than find their way through treacherous mountains back to civilization.

3. Ravi has dreams of turning his hole-in-the-wall pizza restaurant into a sensation, but then his pizza stone breaks. He sets off on a whirlwind adventure to Italy with his business partner, the stony-faced but gorgeous Mia, to find a new one.

4. Helton has risen from a mere farm boy, thrown into the queen's dungeon for leading a rebellion against the immortal queen, to the queen's latest consort. But can he crack through the queen's stony demeanor before armies from the Otherworld conquer theirs?

Original Version

Dear EvilEditor,

Helton Helvadier [For some reason, that name reminds me of that contest Great Britain held a few years back to name a research vessel, and the winner was Boaty McBoatface, except the government reneged and named it after some dude named Attenborough.] has lost everything: his family farm, his mother, and when long-forgotten magic returns to Levanthia, his sister, killed by his own desperate attempt to wield its power.

Devastated by guilt, Helton falls in with an underground rebellion at his mentor’s urging. [Why does farmer Helton Helvadier have a mentor? To remind him to water the crops? Also, if I've lost my home and my mother, and I just accidentally killed my sister, and my mentor's response is to urge me to enlist in some rebel army, I'm looking for a more compassionate mentor.] But his first mission ends in disaster, unleashing an ancient magic which kills his mentor, [I'm guessing the mentor's last thought was, I shoulda just said, Sorry for your loss.] and landing him [lands Helton] in the castle dungeon where he’s at the mercy of Queen Alysande. Immortal and unchanging, she’s ruled for centuries, wielding [using?] her loneliness as armour. When she drafts Helton into her army, his raw, volatile power becomes a dangerous asset, but also stirs in her a long-buried vulnerability. [It seems unlikely that a queen would be making decisions about who to draft into the army, but even if she is, would she want a guy who was part of the rebellion, and whose only military experience was a mission that ended in disaster?] 

The return of magic brings an existential threat. From the Otherworld of Ionia, rulers hungry for conquest seek to remake their [Helton's? Queen A's? this?] world in their image. Within her kingdom, Alysande’s enemies seize the opportunity to break her fragile hold on power, while the rebellion Helton once followed resurges with a devastating message: to prevent the invasion from Ionia, Helton must kill Alysande and place himself on the throne. [Killing the queen shouldn't be too hard. Placing himself on the throne? He was a depressed farmer who went to work for the enemy one paragraph ago. Now he's an assassin, and he's going to be accepted by whoever's next in line for the throne as the new ruler? Are Alysande's enemies who are seizing the opportunity to break her hold on power going to accept him as ruler? Even the rebels who want him to kill the queen would want one of their own on the throne, not the new kid who just joined their ranks last week.] [Also, how does putting himself on the throne prevent an Ionia invasion? Is Ionia gonna turn back when they discover the ruthless queen has been replaced by a bumbling farm boy magician wannabe?] But as he grows closer to the queen, he is torn between the people who see him as saviour, and the immortal woman he may not be able to live without.

As threats close in from all sides, Alysande must decide whether Helton is her most powerful weapon, or her greatest threat. Their bond is forged amidst the fire of rebellion and the unravelling of magic, a force that could either unite their fractured kingdom or set the world ablaze.

Rising Flame, Breaking Stone is a multi-POV epic fantasy romance complete at 109,000 words, first of a planned saga, with martial-arts-infused combat and a reincarnation-driven magic system. The world, magic and creatures are inspired by folk Taoism and rooted in my multicultural upbringing. The wider saga, The Fractured Eternal explores oppression, generational trauma, and the unrelenting force of healing through love. Prior to querying, I had the pleasure of working with Claire Baldwin, editor of Deborah Harkness’s All Souls Trilogy, to refine the manuscript. [Not sure any editor's work is well-known enough to be worth mentioning in your query.] [With one exception, of course. Feel free to boast that Evil Editor helped you refine this query.] 

When I'm not exploring Levanthia alongside Helton and Alysande, I navigate the everyday chaos of raising tiny people. Thank you for considering Rising Flame, Breaking Stone. I’d love the opportunity to share this story with you.

Warm regards,

Notes

I think we need a better idea of what Helton's magic is capable of accomplishing. Presumably it's Helton's magic that can save the world from Ionia, but all we've seen of it is that it killed his sister and his mentor. And it couldn't prevent him from being locked in the dungeon.

Not sure what it means to remake a world in your image.

There's a fantasy series set in a place called Levanthria, which I only learned about when I Googled Levanthia, and Google asked if I meant Levanthria. It appears to be self published, and only a concern to you if you don't want any confusion with your series.

Ionia is or was a place on our planet, presumably near the Ionian Sea, as I assume you're aware.

Information that makes perfect sense in your book, where you provide background and details, can inspire questions in your query that you don't have room to answer. If that applies to my comments in your plot summary, maybe leave out the info or answer the questions.