Face-Lift 1503

Guess the Plot

The Law of the Jungle

1. A biplane carrying lawyer Ed Ferris crash lands in the Congolian rainforest, in an area being land-grabbed by Nigerian investors grown wealthy off internet scams. Fortunately, Ed specializes in the relevant laws, as well as being descended from Tarzan and having the animals on his side.

2. A Civil War veteran with PTSD leads an expedition to a remote jungle island and finds an ancient civilization with a distinct dislike of outsiders. Also, pirates.

3. Archaeologist Jake Withers finds the remains of a city in the jungles of New Guinea. A city that was more advanced than the modern world, though it existed millennia ago. But is modern man ready for this? Or will Jake be hunted down and burned at the stake?

Original Version

Dear [Agent],

I am seeking representation for my debut novel THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE.

THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE is a historical thriller novel complete at 70,000 words. It appeals to fans of The Devil and the Dark Water by Stuart Turton as well as fans of Jacqueline Winspear’s The White Lady. [The titles of two books whose fans would like yours can be placed after the more important summary of your plot.]

When Civil War veteran William Lynch’s wife Eliza dies suddenly, he is forced to take up her life’s work or let her name fall forever into obscurity. Before her death William had not even been able to hold down a job as he tried to adapt to a post-war world, thanks to his trauma from the war. Now, he must take charge of the scholarly expedition Eliza had organized to a remote Caribbean island that once housed an ancient civilization. The only problem is that anyone who has tried to study this civilization in the past has not returned, and the pirates that frequent the area swear the island is cursed. [I would shorten that to: When Civil War veteran William Lynch’s wife Eliza dies suddenly, he takes charge of the scholarly expedition she had organized to a remote Caribbean island that once housed an ancient civilization. An island rumored to be . . . CURSED!!!] [Okay, skip the ellipsis, all-caps, italics exclamation points.]

William guides the expedition through pirate infested waters to reach the island, but along the way several of the crew are lost, some as a result of William’s apathy in the wake of his wife’s death. William is determined that the remainder of the expedition will go smoothly and that he will take back control of himself, after all, Eliza’s reputation is on the line. [I don't see any reason her reputation is on the line. He wasn't trying to salvage her reputation, just trying to keep her name from falling into obscurity. I would drop the second sentence.] 

As William explores the island, he discovers that the ancient civilization never died out after all and the occupants of the island are not fond of outsiders. William is put to the test when several other members of the expedition die and he begins to wonder if the rumors of the island being cursed may be true, or whether all of the deaths are just a result of his failings. [Does he consider that the deaths could be the result of tropical diseases or of being boiled by the natives in a giant cauldron of stew?] If William is going to ensure that his late wife’s works are completed he must not only unlock the secrets of the ancient civilization, but avoid being killed in the process. [What do his late wife's "works" consist of? She's never been to the island, and no one who has been there ever returned. To her, this island could be as real as Atlantis or Wonderland.]

Notes

How does anyone know anything about this civilization if no one who ever tried to study it returned?

Did Eliza posit that there was an ancient civilization on this island based on maps and artifacts found somewhere else? And her reputation is on the line because this expedition is costing a fortune, and some are saying it's a fool's errand and the money should be spent helping former slaves adapt to their new freedom?

If they get to the island, most of them die, and the natives drive the rest away because they're outsiders, I don't see how Eliza fails to fade into obscurity. She might get some credit for being right about the civilization existing, but only if someone from the expedition makes it back, which probably doesn't happen because of the Bermuda Triangle.

I think you need to use all the extra room I've provided you to tell us some interesting things that happen. Preferably things that make it obvious that the island really is cursed.