Face-Lift 1477

Guess the Plot

Songs of the Empaths

1. "If you could read my mind," by Gordon Lightfoot. "Feel me" by Selena Gomez. Read My Mind," by The Killers. "I feel you," by Depeche Mode. "See me, feel me," by The Who.

2. Tired of humanity treating them like aliens, four empathic women form a Spice Girls tribute group, and tour Europe seeking acceptance. 

3. On a distant world, an exploration party comes across weird ruins with alien music playing over and over. The melody spreads throughout humanity driving everyone mad--not crazy, no, humans are used to ear worms. It's the aliens who will pay the price.

4. In a future where everyone is either normal or an empath, one empathic teenager is tasked with preventing time from unraveling--if she can avoid being thrown into the infamous Prison for Empaths. Also, a 14th-century Franciscan monk.

5. The empaths from the planet Torkon V are known for their mesmerizing voices. Also for their delicious organ meats. Will the newly arrived explorers from Earth treat them as entertainment? Or as dinner?

Original Version

Dear Evil Editor:

I seek representation for Songs of the Empaths, a 75,000-word science fiction novel.

Kati is a 16-year-old empath living in the 23rd century. In a world split between empaths and neurotypicals, empathic activities—like emotion and mind reading and mental persuasion—are banned by the authoritarian League. [If "emotion and mind reading" is one thing, I'd change it to "mind and emotion reading," as "mind reading" is often interpreted as a magic trick, like when a magician says think of a playing card and you think of the five of clubs, and then he cuts open a lemon, and there's a playing card inside and it's the five of clubs. Maybe just go with mind penetration and mental persuasion, which has the added bonus that it rhymes.] [If the empaths / neurotypicals split is about 50 / 50, the empaths could argue that they are the neurotypicals.]

Kati escapes the League's capital, Patriot City, to the Begelah tribe in the Western Territories. [If she hasn't been using banned empathic activities, why would she need to "escape"? Seems like the more empaths who leave the capital willingly, the happier the neurotypicals would be.] Here, empaths can openly develop and use their abilities. She forms deep mental connections with a diverse group of empaths from different historical eras, including Bernard, a 14th-century Franciscan monk skilled in the power of persuasion, [I wouldn't mind forming deep mental connections with a 14th-century Franciscan monk.]  [Just kidding.] and Anna, a brilliant polyglot from the 21st century. Together, they create a super mind called a "coterie," sharing thoughts, emotions, and, most importantly, their supernatural empathic abilities. 

As tensions rise between the League and the Begelah, a twist of fate brings Jaya, a 21st-century empath, into Kati's timeline. Jaya's arrival causes "time quakes" that threaten to unravel the entire timeline. Begelah spies discover that the League has coerced Jaya into using her powers as a shield against Begelah attacks. Merri, Seer of the Begelah, urges Kati to return to Patriot City and free Jaya from the infamous Prison for Empaths. Reluctant at first, Kati is driven to action when the League captures her mother. [No need to bring mother into the negotiation when you can just have Bernard persuade Kati to act.]

Kati returns to Patriot City with a small band of Begelah warriors, drawing on Bernard's powers of persuasion and her coterie's other unique abilities to outmaneuver the League soldiers along the way. 

[Soldiers: Hey, where do you empaths think you're going?

Bernard: I assure you it would be to your advantage to ignore these armed warriors.

Soldiers: What armed warriors?]

Their mission is clear: rescue Jaya from the Prison of the Empaths [In the previous paragraph it was called the Prison for Empaths. Not crazy about either name; considering the title of the book, you might call it Sing Sing.] and return her to her rightful time. This will stop the time quakes and give the Begelah the upper hand in the war. [What about freeing Kati's mom? Is that part of the mission?] 

The narrative unfolds through the perspectives of five main characters, including Jaya, Kati, and each member of her coterie. Immersive backstory chapters illuminate each character's journey. Songs of the Empaths will appeal to those interested in The First Law Trilogy's layered ensemble storytelling and the hero's journey found in Kingfisher's A Wizard's Guide to Defensive Baking. [Italicize these titles, including your own.]

I am a retired economics professor who lives in XXX, near XXX, with my husband and our toy poodle. I am currently enrolled in Stanford's Memoir Certificate program. Thank you for considering my work; I look forward to hearing from you.

Notes

Instead of empaths vs. neurotypicals, it should be polyglots vs. monoglots. 

So, if I have this straight, it doesn't affect the timeline if your thoughts and emotions go there, but if your body transports there, we could all be doomed? 

Are the neurotypicals okay with the timeline being upset? Aren't they worried they won't exist in the new timeline? Wasn't the timeline upset the moment Jaya disappeared from the 21st century?

Is this the only time a twist of fate has brought someone into a new timeline? And how can they send Jaya back, to the exact time she came from, if she only got here through a twist of fate? 

If they figure out how to send someone to another timeline, they'll start doing it all the time to change history or get rich.