Face-Lift 1464

Guess the Plot

Stormbound

1. None of the last seven skiers at a Colorado resort was concerned when a blizzard rolled in, trapping them. After all, there was plenty of food and drink to last a week. Then the murders started.

2. The Proctor family ignored orders to evacuate their home with a massive hurricane approaching, because they knew their brick house could withstand the storm. What they didn't know was that Grubhub, Door Dash, and Uber Eats would all shut down for weeks.

3. The Osborne family ignored orders to evacuate their home with a massive hurricane approaching, because they knew their brick house could withstand even a category 5 hurricane. What they didn't know was that thanks to global warming, hurricanes now also come in categories 6, 7, and 8.

4. When teen sisters Georgie and Lia find their parents went missing during a storm, they mount a rescue operation that brings them into conflict with secret agents and pirates hunting for a treasure that could change the course of history. Luckily, it's summer, so they won't miss any school.

5. For Jack "Twister" Tate, chasing tornadoes isn't just science, it isn't just a hobby--it's an extension of a childhood obsession with The Wizard of Oz. Okay, it's also science. That's how he gets funding. But can he keep his true motivation secret from his girlfriend Dorothy? Only his dog Toto knows.

Original Version

Dear Literary Agent, 

Sisters Lia and Georgie Covington thought spending their summer in Key West was going to be a breeze, with the biggest of worries being tan lines and becoming bored poolside at their family’s vacation house. 

With her final summer ahead of her before going to college, Lia knew she would be miserable and alone. [Wait, what? You just said both of them expected a worry-free breeze of a vacation, now you say one of them knows she'll be miserable. Or did you mean she knew she'd be miserable and alone in college?] Georgie saw it as her opportunity to finally brag to her prep-school friends about her tropical home, despite it being abandoned for the past six years. [If you have a vacation home you aren't using, you hire some rental company to keep it occupied and send you money. Not that I ever owned one, but what if the roof leaks or squatters move in or a violent storm destroys it?]

When their parents who work as history professors continuing a research project go missing during a violent storm, the sisters realize they are their parents' only hope for rescuing them [of rescue]– and protecting their research. [Why are they the only hope? Have the people with experience rescuing people given up on them?] [Are they already at the summer house when the parents go missing? In which case the parents are doing this research project in their beach house?]

Following the clues left behind by their mom and step-dad, Lia and Georgie begin to unravel the secrets held within [the?] Florida Keys. They become entangled with secret government agents, pirates, and a hunt for a treasure that could change the course of history. [Whoa. The last sentence of the plot summary may not be the best place to reveal that the course of history is at stake. Maybe your first paragraph should be something like:

Sisters Lia and Georgie Covington thought spending their summer in Key West was going to be a breeze, with the biggest of worries being tan lines and becoming bored poolside at their family’s vacation house. They certainly didn't expect to get involved with secret government agents, pirates, and a hunt for a treasure that could change the course of history.]

STORMBOUND is a young adult urban adventure-mystery complete at 65,000 words, the first in a planned trilogy. I have loved the beach as well as historical mysteries for my entire life, and knew that Key West, with its vast history and coastal culture, was the perfect place for a swashbuckling adventure to play out. 

Thank you for your time and consideration. The first pages have been attached for your review. I’d be delighted to send you sample chapters or the full manuscript at your request.

Notes

Good clear writing, but it does inspire questions about the plot. And I'm not sure it wouldn't appeal more to upper middle grade readers.

If it's college Lia thinks will  be misery, you could combine the first two paragraphs into:

With her final summer ahead of her before going to college, where she knows she'll be miserable, Lia Covington is looking forward to spending summer in Key West at her family’s vacation house. Her sister Georgie sees the summer vacation as an opportunity to finally brag to her prep-school friends about the tropical home, which has been abandoned for six years.

If the parents were abducted, I'm wondering what kind of clues they would leave behind. Clues like a post-it note that says If you can't find us, we were probably kidnapped and taken to Moscow.?

If secret agents are interested in the research project, I'm guessing it involves something beyond history. As your plot summary is only six sentences, you have room to add a couple explaining what's at stake if the research falls into the wrong hands, i.e. how might the course of history be changed?