Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Fake Query #4

Face-Lift #200, GTP #1

Dear Ms. Agent,

Have you ever met one of those overachievers who's just got to be on top of every pyramid she climbs? Well, Staci Mesa, the head cheerleader at South Floridian High School, is that person. She has seen a new dance on YouTube that's quite the rage. It's called the Sosunda, and she simply must incorporate the dance's lurching and shuffling zombie-like moves into her team's routine.

Perfectionist that she is, she'll settle for nothing less than to learn the Sosunda's unique steps at the dance's point of origin, the tiny town of Port Au Feu in the Caribbean. With both her parents preoccupied with extramarital affairs, Staci has no trouble stealing her mom's credit card and slipping away to Port Au Feu during her school's mid-winter break.

She doesn't have to search long to find what she's looking for, because the Sosunda runs nonstop in the bar at the very hotel where she is staying. And there's one reveler there who is better at it than anybody else. He's got the foot-dragging and jittery clawing at the air down perfectly. He even looks the part. She can almost believe the moldering lips, the flaps of tattered skin hanging from his black-veined cheeks, and the cobweb-filled eye socket are real. Only after squeezing through the crowd and seeing him up close does she begin to suspect that ... maybe they are real! Yet more horrifying, he's stopped doing the Sosunda and wants to Tango.

Will it occur to Staci in time that the name Port Au Feu and the French recipe known as Pot Au Feu, which includes bone marrow as a main ingredient, sound remarkably similar? More importantly, will her cheerleader training allow her to tumble and cartwheel her way back to the cheer-filled world of high school and a blissfully dysfunctional family where she can go on being simply mindless instead of literally brainless? You can find out by requesting the completed manuscript of my xx,xxx word horror/adventure/love story.

As a lifelong survivor of the pre-zombie-apocalypse, I consider myself as qualified to write about it as anyone. Also, as for my previous writing credits, I have submitted several GTP's to Evil Editor's blog, some of which he actually published.

Thanks so much for your time. You can thank me later.




Zombies are hot, but if you don't write fast they may be cold by the time you get this published. Get to work.


Tk said...

Awesome credits in the bio graph!

I think Staci will be fine if she just climbs to the top of the zombie pyramid. They may eat her feet but her brain should be safe :)

james said...

One huge mistake in the query I realized I'd made about two minutes after hitting the "publish your comment" button: I didn't specifically name the story! It's The Sosunda, by the way. I meant to name it, but was already hurrying off to work by the time it occurred to me. Felt kind of like the guy who steps onto the front porch to get the newspaper and discovers, too late, that he's still in his underwear AND he locked the door behind himself.

Veronica Rundell said...

LOL James. Hate those face-palm moments. Definitely captured the over-achiever vibe, but Staci seems a little slow on the uptake. Might want to touch that up a bit.