Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Face-Lift 730

Guess the Plot

The Minion and the Mistress

1. Miss Snark. Dave. Mrs. V. Khazar. Buffysquirrel. Anon. 150. Their lives, loves and personal perversions are all laid bare in Evil Editor's memoirs.

2. Fearing that the girl he wants as a mistress will run away, the demon king assigns one of his minions--a giant troll--to guard her. But he didn't count on the girl falling in love with the troll! Will she bash the troll's head in and flee, or will she stick around for true love?

3. When chef and part-time dominatrix Lizzie Whippersnap concocts an army of mutant broccoli monsters, she decides to fulfill her life-long dream of taking over the Food Network. But true love strikes when she finds one of her creations, Dirk Carrot, appealing. Is there room in this veggie-phobic world for romance between a mistress and her orange-tinted minion?

4. Evil Wizard Golgorlemoy has turned his minion into an onion and his mistress into a waitress. At dinner, the waitress will serve onions to the king and queen causing them to inadvertently break their vegetarian vows. When the kingdom finds out that their royalty are cannibals, the wizard and the mistress can become emperor and empress.

5. A Terrrible Misunderstanding (TM) causes the Chief of Minions (CoM) to elope with the Evil Overlord's Mistress (EOM). They hate each other, but in order to save the Evil Overlord (EO), the two must stop fighting long enough to destroy the invading Good Guy Army (GGA).

6. Taurg, captain of a Charruvian starship, has gone too far, throwing his simpering thrall, Trach'n in the brig for sleeping with Taurg's human mistress--and unless the mistress can help the minion escape and lead a mutiny, Taurg will take out his frustrations on the nearest planet . . . Earth.

Original Version

Dear Famous ePublisher,

I am seeking a publisher for The Minion and the Mistress, a fun and fast-paced story of heroic trolls, supernatural mobsters and an unlikely true love. The Minion and the Mistress is a romance with fantasy elements complete at 25,000 words.

Since her earliest childhood, when she was kidnapped by fairies, Annith has lived under the protection of the Demon King. A small-time crime lord who rules a small pocket of fae-folk hiding in the mortal realm, the King’s always treated Annith as his beloved daughter. Now, though, she’s grown up, rounded out, and the Demon King’s acquired some hungry eyes— and wandering hands. [Hey, he's only human.] As his advances turn forceful, Annith becomes increasingly frantic to escape the only home she’s ever known. [I can't tell if the Demon King has forced himself on her, or if she wants to escape before he does. It seems unlikely she managed to thwart a demon's forceful advances.]

The King, fearing she’ll escape him, assigns a massive troll, Ruuk, to be her “bodyguard.” Annith is ready to bash Ruuk’s head in if it will get her away from the King, but as she gets to know the soft-spoken troll, she finds he’s kind and funny— sweet even. [A troll? Gotta be Stockholm Syndrome.] The seven-foot lug might even be in over his head. He seems to be losing himself bit by bit with every job he works for the King, and she’s worried about what’ll be left of him if he keeps this up.

But when it comes down to achieving her freedom or saving the troll she’s increasingly come to care for, Annith has to decide if she really will do anything (and sacrifice anyone) to get herself away from the Demon King. [That sentence pretty much says the same thing twice.]

Thank you for taking the time to consider my work.



When a book has demons, trolls, fairies, supernatural mobsters, fae people, etc., I'd call it a fantasy with romantic elements rather than a romance with fantasy elements.

This is awfully short. As e-publishers don't have to worry about the spine being so thin you can't read the title, maybe that's not a problem, but I wouldn't assume this is long enough to attract a publisher that doesn't specifically say 25,000 words is in the range they're seeking.

Has Annith considered suggesting to Ruuk that he escape with her? Or that he lead a coup against the demon king? She seems to have concluded without much thought that there are only two choices.

"Demon King" and "small-time crime lord" don't seem like two names that would be applied to the same being. How powerful is the demon king? If he were attacked by a seven-foot troll, who would win?


Bernita said...

Is she a mistress or not?
The title says one thing, the synopsis suggests another.
"He seems to be losing himself bit by bit with every job he works for the King."
It's not clear to me just what this means. Is he losing body parts?
The story has charm though. Would love to see a page.

Dave Fragments said...

"Dirk Carrot, appealing."
beverage alert, beverage alert...

Phoenix Sullivan said...

Hi Author:

Except for that last paragraph not quite capturing the summation of the stakes and consequences (it's close, just seems a bit off), I think this is a good query for a story that sounds like fun.

I also think that because you're specifically targeting epubs and pitching it as a romance first, you know the markets you'll be pitching to. I hope Carina Press is on your list; they're looking for launch titles right now and they've put together a pretty savvy staff. Your word count will fit right in, as it will for most of the romance epubs (just saying it because a lot of folk here will be dinging you for a low word count, but the romance epubs actively seek out novellas between 15K and 50K words).

Just tweak that last 'graph a tiny bit and I'd say you're good to go! Good luck!

Anonymous said...


Stephen Prosapio said...

I was wondering with the low word count if this was a children's book, but Phoenix seems to have that covered.

I like the idea of the girl falling for the troll that's supposed to guard her. It might be a bit Shrek-like but different enough. I did take issue as well with the Demon King being a low level crime lord or whatever. Conflicting. Make strong or weak.

A little polish and this looks like a fun read. Good luck!

150 said...

It's all true. EE is my mistress.

I have no issue with the word count, since you're obviously targeting markets that will take it.

Is Ruuh losing himself bit by bit figuratively or literally?

The heat level of this story isn't clear to me; is there Disney-level sweetness or hot troll-on-princess dungeon action? Does the tone of the query match the tone of the story?

Word ver = "dinfic"

none said...

Lol, I think my part in the memoir would be short AND dull.

This story could be fun, but it's too short.

_*rachel*_ said...

At this length, I'd be looking for magazine serials.

funny—sweet[,] even

What you want to say in the last paragraph: But when it comes down to it, Annith will sacrifice anything—or anyone—to escape.

Ditto on the losing himself; it needs to be rephrased.

E.D. Walker said...

Thanks for all the comments, everybody. I am aiming for ePubs and the word count is actually accepted at all of the big ones. [In case anyone else was planning to ding me on that. :) ]