Evil Editor Gets Audited

Most of this seems in order, EE. If we could just go over one of your deductions?

Which one is that?

This $160,000 charitable contribution for editing a novel.

That was for the Brenda Novak auction.

Yes, but I understand the item went for less than $3500.

I deducted what the item was worth, not what it brought in. We were in a recession. Who had 160 grand?

I see.

Look at it this way: Say the Louvre donated the Mona Lisa to the auction and it went for five thousand; it doesn't mean the painting's not worth millions.

You're comparing yourself to da Vinci? That's how you came up with your figure?

Actually, I checked the Internet to see what freelance editors were getting. I took the highest one I could find and multiplied by twenty.

Why?

Because I'm Evil Editor. Look at it this way: Say you're hiring someone to ghost-write your autobiography; John Grisham is gonna cost way more than some local hack wannabe writer, even though the hack could write Grisham under the table. You pay for the name.

You're comparing yourself to John Grisham now? I don't see how you can say your work is worth so much, unless everything you edit becomes a number one bestseller.

People don't buy my services to make money. Writing the perfect novel brings peace to their souls. Look at it this way: Say you've sought salvation through God but you still don't feel fulfilled; so you try writing a novel, but it lacks that inspirational spark that can come only from divine editing, so--

God?! You're comparing yourself . . .