Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Holy Crap





To celebrate, a collection of some of the more laugh-inducing items to have appeared here.


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Dear Cruel Lord of Print:

Your profile at Agent Query indicated you had an interest in urban fantasy. Please consider representing my contribution to the genre, The Wayfarer, an adventure novel told in 100,000 words.

Mallory used to be a vampire. Then his brother, Veratrum, a stronger vampire (perhaps the strongest vampire) [Dracula is the strongest vampire. Don't you know anything?] killed him. However, Mallory rose again, [Was he killed with a stake through his heart? Because if vampires can return after that, there's no hope for humanity.] this time as a wayfarer, one who stalks the physical and astral planes. Possessed of humanity, he condemns the sins of his former life and swears vengeance on Veratrum [Who would name their kid Veratrum? I Googled it, it's a plant. Also a homeopathic remedy for dozens of things, and that's just under the heading of "Stool." For instance, you supposedly should take Veratrum if your stool is any of the following:

Strong and sharp (acrid), corrosive, wearing away skin; bilious; black; brown; copious; flaky; forcible, sudden, gushing; frequent; green; hard; involuntary; involuntary during flatulence; large; mucous, slimy; odourless; thin, liquid; watery; like rice water.

Veratrum is also recommended for the following symptoms (among hundreds):

Feeling excessively religious; vomiting during diarrhea; face that appears dead; craving refreshing things; imperceptible pulse; collapse after diarrhea; shrunken hands; shrieking;
melancholy, with stupor and mania; sits in a stupid manner; notices nothing; frenzy of excitement; aimless wandering from home; delusions of impending misfortunes; mania, with desire to cut and tear things; cursing and howling all night; nose grows more pointed; rattling in chest; blue face; coughing upon entering warm room; neck too weak to hold head up.] and all who serve him. Over a century of failures has stretched Mallory’s patience and forced him to compromise more and more of his ideals in service of his oath. [A century? If you've been seeking revenge on someone for over a century and consistently failing, you have to be the most incompetent wayfarer of them all.] [A zombiefied vampire stalking the astral plane in search of vengeance needs a scarier name than The Wayfarer. He'd have killed Veratrum long ago, but he walks in and it goes:

Mallory: Prepare to die, Veratrum.


Veratrum: Who's gonna kill me?


Mallory: It is I . . . The Wayfarer!


Veratrum (laughing): Hey minions, check it out. The Wayfarer. Run for your lives!


Minions (laughing hysterically as they pummel Mallory): Ooo, the Wayfarer. Save us Master.]
The final assault begins with the rescue of Aethe, a woman Veratrum wants as more than just prey. What exactly he wants with her, Mallory does not know, and when she refuses to tell, Mallory keeps her with him under the guise of protection. The same for Claud, a bystander Mallory carjacks in his flight with Aethe, who manages to get bit by one of Veratrum’s minions. The bite, of course, infects Claude with the Nosferatu. [Quick, give him two tablespoons of Veratrum.] In order to keep the man pacified, Mallory claims there is a cure, but really he wants to use the disease in Claud’s veins to track Veratrum. [The closer they get to Veratrum, the brighter Claud glows.] [Make up your mind how Claud(e) spells his name.]
They take shelter with Mallory’s friends, who are happy to help until they discover where they rank in relation to Mallory’s fevered thirst for revenge. Unable to hear their words over the roar of his obsession, rationalizing his every betrayal, Mallory makes a bargain with another vampire: Aethe for Veratrum. [How can this other vampire deliver Veratrum? Veratrum is stronger. Is it just because it's two against one? In an entire century of trying to kill Veratrum, this is the first time Mallory's thought of enlisting help? What about Veratrum's minions? They're not going to stand by while Mallory and Claud kill Veratrum.] Can he go through with it? At what price vengeance?

I am as yet unpublished. The first five pages are enclosed, as well as an SASE for your response. Thank you for your time,


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TITLE: Shadow of Doubt

Query - Plot: [If these two lines are part of the query, get rid of them. They're wasting space.]

What happens when you fall for the one you are forbidden to love? [In my case, I sit around my home every night watching TV and wondering if Julia Roberts will ever remove the restraining order.] When destiny takes over everything you fought to control, that which was forbidden could now destroy you. [This is all too vague to have any meaning, and will presumably be restated below with specificity. Dump it.]

Erebus is a Shadow, an immortal night dweller, walking the Earth for the last century. [You don't need to be immortal to have walked the Earth for the past century. Just really old.] By day he is the occlusion of a payphone, [Say what? What does that even mean? I can only assume it's a typo and it's supposed to read: By day he is an octopus made of Play Doh. Or he's the clue gun of a peafowl. An accused Hun from Plano?] and by night he returns to human form. [When did he ever have human form? I assumed he was this immortal night-dwelling Shadow creature when he wasn't a payphone.] He’s different than other Shadows, [which are, by day, reflections of coffee makers.] solemn when Shadows are meant to live for personal fun and satisfaction. That is, until he meets Aurora, a young law student at Cornell University, a human girl. His entire world is shaken. Human feelings he's never had, and urges he’s never understood, like wanting to have a place to live of his own, [Does he live in a phone booth in the daytime?] drive him to question everything about himself and his kind.

Prohibited by the Night Council to have a relationship with a human that involves more than just sex, [Even phone sex?] Erebus is risking severe punishment to be with Aurora [Sounds like he's really hung up on her. Ba dum ching.] on a completely different level. [Even a sex-only relationship with a human can be problematic--if you're still going at it when dawn arrives and you suddenly turn back into a payphone.]

When a jealous old flame, Nanny, stalks back into his life, [I could never date someone who went by the name Nanny. Although it's better than dating someone who goes by the name Mommy.] Erebus breaks the most important law set by the Shadows and reveals his secret to Aurora. [Are we talking about the secret that he's immortal or the secret that he's a payphone?] [I'm thinking if you tell your true love you're a payphone, it doesn't matter whether she believes it's true or not. She's gone.] [I'm not sure whether I'd rather my mate be immortal or a payphone. Immortality would be good because funerals are expensive. On the other hand, it wouldn't hurt to have a steady influx of spare change.] By telling her, he jeopardizes everything, and must protect her from Nanny and the judgment of the Night Council. [The only thing he jeopardizes is his relationship with her. No way Aurora bought his claim that he's an immortal nightcrawling payphone.] His biggest fears are realized when he sees that [Aurora has her own cell phone, and thus won't be pushing his buttons.] his desire for Aurora could destroy her, or worse, erase his own Shadow forever.

SHADOW OF DOUBT is complete at 52,000 words and falls into the category of young adult fantasy. The storyline has a unique twist [I'll say.] that goes beyond the traditional fantasy, with pure love that can conquer anything in and beyond this world.


Notes

What would happen if humans found out Shadows existed? What's the punishment for telling a human you're a blender? In other words, what's at stake?

Usually authors go with a human being as the main character if one is available. Especially when the alternative is a payphone.

Whatever the occlusion of a payphone is, the query is better off without it. We also don't need Nanny. She's a subplot.



What's the difference between a Shadow and a human at night? Besides immortality. Do Shadows have any powers? Can they have relationships with each other? Are all Shadows occlusions of payphones, or are some occlusions of gas pumps? Are all objects Shadows? Or are there a limited number of Shadows?






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218 comments:

1 – 200 of 218   Newer›   Newest»
Whirlochre said...

Unparalleled excitement courses through my veins!

Congratulations!

pacatrue said...

Ah, I remember the occlusion well. It's classic right AFTER GOYA!!

Jo Antareau said...

Seven years? You are a champion, well done, EE.

BTW, how does someone become a minion? Is there an exam one needs to sit?

Sylvia said...

Happy anniversary!

Tk said...

Ah, the immortal payphone occlusion. And the immortal EE. Congratulations!!!!!!! And many happy returns!

(Why is my word "erivalRe" - are we playing EE anagrams today in honour of the occasion?! A rare evil indeed.)

Wonderwood said...

Wow! Seven years! Congrats, EE. Way to hang in there. You've made us laugh, made us cry, schooled us and made us better writers. Thanks for everything!

BuffySquirrel said...

Congrats on the anniversary :).

ril said...

Seven years, huh? So you're free -- that broken mirror can't touch you now!

Congratulations

Sarah Laurenson said...

Seven years of the master of evil. How very awesome! I'm so glad you're still entertaining and educating us with your amazing wit. Happy Anniversary!

Stephen Parrish said...

Happie anniversary Evil Editor!

Veronica Rundell said...

Love laughing while I learn. Thanks for all you do!
Happy anniversary, EE.

Robin Billings said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Robin B. said...

So....uh....are you eating your wheat germ-ified cereal with skim milk and honey, or what, this fine morning?

blogless_troll said...

Congrats on 7 years EE! That's longer than most marriages last. I think the musically inclined minions should form a band called Payphone Occlusion and play at the 8th Anniversary.

Robin B. said...

I'm not musical, BT, but I could slap the hell out of a tambourine.

Sarah Laurenson said...

The EE Milk Jug Band?

Robin B. said...

That could work, Sarah. Can we have a tambourine?

Sarah Laurenson said...

How about ankle bells? I bet you and EE could rock those.

Evil Editor said...

BTW, how does someone become a minion? Is there an exam one needs to sit?

Everyone's a minion except those who make a habit of disagreeing with me.

I've considered revoking the minionhood of those who disappear for lengthy periods as if they have better things to do with the two minutes it takes to read the latest post, like their little activities are sooooo important, but even Evil Editor isn't that Evil.

Sarah Laurenson said...

OUCH!

Whew. Glad you're not that evil, Oh Wondrous Overlord.

Robin B. said...

Wow - would ankle bells help?

ril said...

Who are all these people and how do they know you?

Evil Editor said...

That's the trouble with the Internet, you can't tell who anyone really is. Even I could be someone else.

ril said...

I am someone else.

Robin B. said...

Me, too.

ril said...

So what's with all the slacking anyway. It's killing me. You dump the cartoons, so I fill the time with Twitter. You spike the continuations (that hurt, man) so I took to Facebook. Anything else and I'm going to have to write a novel or something.

Evil Editor said...

I always suspected that you were anon.

Robin B. said...

Seeing ril do italics reminds me that I learned to do them here, from EE....

ril said...

I am when I want to be... :)

Anonymous said...

He's not, you know...

Robin B. said...

Ha! I knew it!

Sarah Laurenson said...

I have no idea who I am.

Dave Fragments said...

congratulations, 7 years. congrats again.

Robin B. said...

It's a very existential thing, Sarah. When I'm on here, I forget who I am as well.

ril said...

Hey, keep it warm for me -- I just finished working so I have to go clean my teeth and switch to the iPad.

Robin B. said...

OK, I'm having this visual with teeth and an IPad...

Sarah Laurenson said...

Teeth, an iPad and a heating pad?

Robin B. said...

Hmmm. Sounds kinda kinky. I like it.

Veronica Rundell said...

I love the immediate posts, and the lack of verification, EE...but how do we submit GTP's privately?

Sarah Laurenson said...

Not sure how long I'll be able to add my meaningless drivel to this auspicious occasion. Waiting for the floor guys who will rip up the living room and find the bodies underneath.

When they put in the new floor, I want the inlay the weredingoes were guarding. I want the weredingoes, too, but that's for another time.

Evil Editor said...

Drawing the cartoons was taking up more of my day than any other activity. I suppose I could just post a picture of EE sitting behind his desk with a speech balloon over his head and let the laughs come rolling in. It would be like Dinosaur Comics, same art every day, buy different words.

Fewer and fewer people submitted openings (and came up with continuations that met the high standards ril set in the halcyon days of the blog for those openings that did come in).

Robin B. said...

Oh, the weredingos! Those were the days.

Evil Editor said...

how do we submit GTP's privately?

email them to evledtr@gmail.com.

ril said...

Yeah, I know the quality of mine started to slide, though I was moderately pleased with a couple of the last ones. Modestly...

Sarah Laurenson said...

TEE-Rex?

ril said...

So, did you decide what that last ISBN number is going to go on?

Evil Editor said...

No, I was gonna go with the history one, but then I thought I might be able to convince some inexperienced agent that it had mass appeal. Most of the ideas would require more work than they're worth. Only my most loyal fans buy my books. Whatever I choose, I'm printing 3 copies. One for me, one for ril and one for Dave.

ril said...

Dammit. Everyone's gone. Is it because I didn't floss?

Evil Editor said...

So those modestly funny continuations submitted by anon. were yours?

ril said...

Actually, according to my doctor, my Evil Editor shrine is kind of creepy.

I didn't think professionals were suposed to say things like that.

Evil Editor said...

They'll be back. On April 23, 2014.

ril said...

I guess a lot of them were... Some of the lame ones, too.

Evil Editor said...

Hey, you wanna be Evil Editor? It can be like pope, one dies or quits and another takes over. We can even have a conclave.

Evil Editor said...

Not nearly as lame as the unchosen ones.

ril said...

Can I set fire to the chimney?

Robin B. said...

If you'd had more classic paintings cartoons, I'd have been a shoe-in for good one-liners.

Robin B. said...

The chimney?

ril said...

It's a Cathlolic thing.

Evil Editor said...

Cathartic.

ril said...

So has the old Pope not asked you to edit his work yet?

Evil Editor said...

That bastard. We had a gentleman's agreement.

ril said...

I bet he'd be good at continuations, I mean, no one expected him to quit.

Evil Editor said...

He's waiting for the Brenda Novak auction, figures he can get me cheap.

ril said...

Looks the type. His kids probably hate him.

Evil Editor said...

If they'd known what a quitter he was they'd never have elected him.

ril said...

Usually you can tell when someone is just in it for the money, but this guy had 'em all fooled.

Genius.

Evil Editor said...

I wonder if the outgoing pope gets to keep the popemobile, or if it passes down to the replacement. Maybe they auction it off when the new model comes out. I wouldn't mind bidding on it.

ril said...

You could probablly do a deal. Throw in a few books, he could probably use a laugh.

Dave Fragments said...

I did use the "new opening" feature to my advantage. I always have doubts and worries. As one of my friends says "Such Angst"...

It's nice to be known as loyal. Kinda like a dog.
;)

Phoenix Sullivan said...

Offer to name a character after him. Might lend the new one some credibility.

Dave Fragments said...

Just don't pet my head. It musses up my hair.

ril said...

Not a lot of opportunities to name a character "The Pope"...

Phoenix Sullivan said...

Got the 7-year itch yet, EE? New digs? New career? New life?

Phoenix Sullivan said...

He writes mysteries, ril. The Pope could be a red herring.

Sarah Laurenson said...

You see? It's the favorite minions who get all the good stuff. That's why the rest of us are invisible. Thought Robin would have an in with the Tasty thing though. Tough crowd.

Robin B. said...

Why not throw in a few books, name a character after him, AND offer to pet his head? Or pat it, whichever he'd prefer. He'd have to take his little beanie off, though.

ril said...

Or a red herring could be Pope. A surrealist mystery.

Sarah Laurenson said...

The Pope of Central Park? Or was it New York?

Evil Editor said...

Phoen! Another minion I can cross off my list of those I should check to see if they died.

Phoenix Sullivan said...

Tough crowd.

Always was, Sarah. Always was...

Robin B. said...

Yeah, Sarah, I'm waitin' until I have my first glass of wine before I whoop out the tasty!

Phoenix Sullivan said...

Pffft. I've died and been reborn at least twice since I was last here.

Robin B. said...

HEY. Hey there. If PHOENIX is PHOEN, why am I not Rob? Huh?

Sarah Laurenson said...

We should start a meme. Replace a word in a title with Pope. Moby Pope

Evil Editor said...

Pope Dick.

Sarah Laurenson said...

LOL

Love you, EE!

ril said...

Is that his little beanie?

Sarah Laurenson said...

What kind of smoke would we send up?

Dave Fragments said...

Purple smoke lit by golden lights

ril said...

The good stuff.

Robin B. said...

I'd say it probably IS his little beanie, ril. Maybe he has a little one, and a big one.

Robin B. said...

You really can tell the good stuff from the bad stuff. And the little beanies from the big ones. Anyone who says different didn't libe through the 70s.

Robin B. said...

LIVE through them, that is....

Sarah Laurenson said...

It's funny that no one remembers he said he was only going to be there a few years.

ril said...

They're all only there a few years...

Whirlochre said...

Wow! Just typed 'Pope' into my browser on a search for interesting hats and look where it got me...

stacy said...

Happy Anniversary, EE! Catching up on comments ...

ril said...

Most of them have the good grace not to cash it 401K, though.

Phoenix Sullivan said...

What's everyone up to? And, EE, has Evil Jr graduated, gotten gainful employment, and moved out yet?

Whirlochre said...

Where are the minstrels? A 7 year anniversary demands minstrels...

Robin B. said...

Whirl! Stacy!

I wonder if ex-Popes get to keep their gold-swen beanies?

ril said...

No minstrels in the US. Just M£Ms.

Phoenix Sullivan said...

What's the etiquette for an 8-year blogiversary, Whirl? Just thinking we should be prepared next time.

ril said...

There probably isn't a rule, given the number of ex-pope's there's been.

Evil Editor said...

E Jr. graduated, worked a couple years for Apple, a couple for Google, and now works for Square. Just can't hold down a job I guess.

stacy said...

So ... how are you, EE?

Shona Snowden said...

103 posts! This is going to be one of those threads that will need to be extended to another...and another... Happy Anniversary EE!!! McKoala x

stacy said...

We need party favors.

Whirlochre said...

8 years? Maybe we send in a SWAT team armed with tickling sticks.

stacy said...

BTW, I can't stay long. I'm sneaking this in at work.

Whirlochre said...

Uh Oh. My Koala Alarm just went off.

stacy said...

OTOH, I'm waiting for my next project to roll in, so it's not like I have work to do right now ...

Robin B. said...

When I was a kid, I tried to learn to play the lute, because I thought minstrels were cool. But two things were wrong with tha picture: 1) I gave up on my little crap cheap-o lute in about two days and 2) no one in the States knew what the hell a minstrel was.
Really pissed me off. Plus, they were boys.

Robin B. said...

McKoala! Yay!

EE, what is Square?

ril said...

Almost 1:00am here. I need you guys to get boring so I can go to sleep.

Phoenix Sullivan said...

Just can't hold down a job I guess.

Young people, these days. *shakes head over the economic and moral decay all these upper-middle-class 20-somethings are wreaking*

Robin B. said...

Ah, ril, say it ain't so!

ril said...

Zzzzzzzzzzz.

Shona Snowden said...

Almost 1:00am here. I need you guys to get boring so I can go to sleep.

Sorry, honey. We'd all have to leave the thread for that to happen.

Sadly I can only stay a few minutes right now, but will be back in an hour and a half or so.

As for Whirl, I've got a bone to pick with you...

Whirlochre said...

Let me guess, McK, I've been recommending you crap shampoo in my sleep?

Robin B. said...

Ooh, Whirl's in trouble, Whirl's in trouble!

ril, maybe we'll still be here when you wake up?!

ril said...

Maybe I'll be in for the second shift.

Phoenix Sullivan said...

Hehe. We still can't go 150 comments without squabbling. Nothing's changed...

stacy said...

Hi, Phoenix! *waves*

Phoenix Sullivan said...

Stacy!!! *waves back furiously*

Evil Editor said...

Sorry, being summoned to lunch. For the one person interested in the inlay and the one who might be interested in the cabinet in my whimsy room, I've tweeted photos.

Robin B. said...

Night night, ril!

Robin B. said...

The Whimsy Room!

Phoenix Sullivan said...

*snicker* (Rob, he said "inlay")

ril said...

See you later!








He has a whimsy room...?

Shona Snowden said...

So I read the thread and established that EE is actually the Pope and Robin was the only minion that never got a nickname from EE. I'm sure they're connected. Or if they're not, they're about to be.

Whirl, I've got more sense than to go anywhere near your shoes.

Shona Snowden said...

Now even the guest of honor has somewhere better to go. What has this blog come to?

I also really must go, have to take sick koaling to doctor, but I'll look in again later.

ril said...

Just. Checked and he really did tweent those pictures.

Ans he has a rather large whimsy, it seems.

ril said...

Now I do have to sleep. Good night!

stacy said...

Goodnight, ril.

Robin B. said...

1. Night, rilster.

2. That whimsy cabinet is a cutie!

3.I'd love to know what you actually DO in a whimsy room.

4. Whirl - it was five years ago today that we first saw your stripy socks!

5. What the hey? Shona....

Robin B. said...

Phoenix, i just saw what ya said.

IN-Lay. Well, that's a new take on it.

Unless he means that flooring in the front hall, where he met a blue alien a while back...

Peter Dudley said...

Time zone differences and car trouble suck.

Congrats on seven years, EE. You'd think with seven years of your wisdom, we'd all be a lot more successful by now.

150 said...

Happy anniversary, yet again!

Sandra Cormier said...

SEVEN YEARS? Isn't this about the time we start looking around for other editors to satisfy our cravings? No... I'll stay faithful to the last.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Yeah. That inlay is gorgeous! I love the cabinet, but the bookcase really caught my eye. Nice Whimsy room.

Veronica Rundell said...

Not much for furnishings, per se, but I love the art. It's a picture book waiting to happen....

khazar-khum said...

Damn time warps. By the time I see this, the fun's over and all I get to see are the drunks passed out on the couch.

Oh, and Whirl getting it on with an occluded payphone.

pacatrue said...

143 comments. Let's pretend I've read them. Hi, gang / former gang!

Sarah Laurenson said...

They're all about alpacas. Nothing you'd be interested in.

pacatrue said...

Nooooo!!! I missed the alpaca jokes!!.

However, I did see that a few days ago Veronica, I believe, expressed interest in more alpaca / human relationships as an insufficiently explored genre.

And here I am.

Sarah Laurenson said...

An alpaca and the Pope walk into a bar...

pacatrue said...

You know it's surprisingly difficult to come up with an alpaca / pope joke on the spur of the moment.

Sarah Laurenson said...

LOL

Sarah Laurenson said...

Maybe EE should start joke continuations.

fairyhedgehog said...

Happy Anniversary EE!

fairyhedgehog said...

Sorry I'm late I had this thing called work.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Careful, FHH, EE is threatening excomminionation for us slackers.

Whirlochre said...

An alpaca and the Pope walk into a bar.

"Why the long face?" says the barman.

"Are you insinuating my alpaca looks like a horse?" says the Pope.

"I was talking to you, not the alpaca," replies the barman.

"I'm the Pope," says the Pope. "What do you expect? Beaming happiness?"

"Just trying to be sociable," says the barman.

"Not with me you weren't," says the alpaca. "You ignored me outright!"

"Wow!" says the barman. "A talking alpaca!"

"Yup," says the Pope. "It's like Mr Ed - only it's an alpaca and not a horse."

hmmm, ok, yeah — I have to agree with paca on the whole moment/spur./alpaca/pope joke thing...

Sarah Laurenson said...

LOL

Almost there, but not really.

pacatrue said...

Most impressively done, Whirl. I was working the long face / long neck / long hat angle over in my head for a bit. You win. Two points.

And now that I've read everything:

1) Nice of Shona to drop in for her mysterious friend McKoala.
2) I saw Shona call ril "honey". Thought she'd turned into Robin for a bit.

fairyhedgehog said...

I saw that, Sarah. I tremble in my bootles.

pacatrue said...

An alpaca and the Pope walk into a bar.

With a look from the Pope, the barman puts on a red robe and locks all the doors.

"What's going on?" asks the alpaca?

"I'm retiring," says the Pope.

"Oh," says the skittish alpaca. "Time to choose a new Pope?"

"No, we're choosing a new scarf."

...

Yeah, it's not easy to pull this one off.

pacatrue said...

The fact that EE notices that we've been gone and threatens us for it means he loved us all along.

I've got a tear in my fur now.

Evil Editor said...

The pope walks into a bar with an alpaca. "Get that pig out of here!" yells the bartender.

"That's not a pig, the pope replies, "That's an alpaca!"

"I know!" says the bartender, "I was talking to the alpaca!"

Sarah Laurenson said...

EE wins!

fairyhedgehog said...

Better, EE!

pacatrue said...

And THAT is why this is the Evil Editor blog, not the Whirly Alpaca blog.

Peter Dudley said...

An alpaca and the Pope walk into a bar. A drunk guy says, "Hey, how's that for religious cooperation?" The alpaca says, "Hey, jackass, I'm an alpaca, not a Lama."

fairyhedgehog said...

Anyone want to share my take-out, it's unidentified chewy meat in sweet and syrupy sauce. With cashew nuts. Mmm! Delicious!

Sarah Laurenson said...

The Lariat has spoken. And it's not his blog either.

fairyhedgehog said...

Nice one Peter!

Sarah Laurenson said...

As tempting as it sounds, FHH, I think I'll pass.

pacatrue said...

If it's deep-fried, FHH, I'm in.
And hits "like" on pjd's lama.

fairyhedgehog said...

paca, it's almost certainly deep-fried. I'll post you some over the interwebs.

pacarue said...

What did the bartender call the alpaca in the corner doing surrealist art?

The Dali llama.

"But I'm an alpaca," the alpaca says.

"So, I made a mistake," the bartender replies, "who do you think I am, the Pope?"

Peter Dudley said...

I would love to see a painting entitled Dali Llama.

Veronica Rundell said...

At his tour of Lima, Pope Francis is approached by an alpaca.

"Holy Father," the alpaca says, "please tell me God will remember me on the day of Judgment."

Pope Francis stares wide eyed at the animal for a long moment, then replies, "Of course, my child. God remember all his creations who seek to serve Him."

"Then why did you hesitate?"

"I was startled to hear you speak, young one."

To this, the young alpaca smiled. "It is through God that all things are possible, Father."

The Pope leaned close and whispered into the alpaca's ear. "Yeah, that's what we say, but I'll be pouring my own drinks from now on!"

pacatrue said...

Google images can provide you with that, pjd. Search for "Dali llama", it will change it to "dalai lama", then click the "no, really, 'dali llama' " link and voila.

pacatrue said...

*applauds Veronica*

Now for "Evil Editor, the Wayfarer, and a weredingo walk into a bar...."

pacatrue said...

Well, everyone's vanished with this life thing, so I might as well go to work.

Happy anniversary, EE.

Veronica Rundell said...

Can anyone tell me how to pronounce weredingo?: is it wear-dingo, or wear-a-dingo. In my head it's the latter for some reason.

Veronica Rundell said...

Can anyone tell me how to pronounce weredingo?: is it wear-dingo, or wear-a-dingo. In my head it's the latter for some reason.

fairyhedgehog said...

Sorry all, I had to go and pick up Mr Hedgie from the station and now I need to watch football with him. Or something!

Happy Anniversary, EE!

Robin B. said...

Just came back after a late dinner. Lovin' the alpaca/Pope grins, guys!

It's wear-DIN-go, Veronica!

Khazar-khum - hi!

FH!

Sarah Laurenson said...

And if you want to know what a weredingo looks like, google beagle images.

Loving the jokes. That's a steep challenge with EE, the Wayfarer and the weredingo. Unfortunately (fortunately for all involved), I have to rush off to work and can't add my sh..., um creative talents to the mix.

No bodies under the floor here today either. Bummer.

Mother (Re)produces. said...

Well, I pretty much missed the party, but happy evilversary, EE.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Mother!!!! Hey.

Robin B. said...

Mother!!!

pacatrue said...

Yay, mother!

And "Wear a Dingo Day" sounds like a fundraiser of some sort, though probably not by the humane society or SPCA.

Shona Snowden said...

Dodgy alpaca jokes? I leave for a couple of hours and the whole place slides downhill. Honeys.

Robin B. said...

Nite nite, all! Happy Anniversary, EE!

Faceless Minion said...

congrats on the anniversary

Amara Royce said...

And...I've missed all the fun... ;(

I was definitely someone else...but still not anon.

And thank goodness EE isn't strict enough to revoke minion status for those of us who disappear...we can't all be perfect, yanno?

And how are there NOT weredingo t-shirts in the EE store? And no way am I googling dalai llama...my head already hurts.

Amara Royce said...

Oh, right, Happy Anniversary, EE! Rock on!

Peter Dudley said...

Evil Editor, the Wayfarer, and a weredingo walk into a bar...

... also, a Vampire.

ril said...

I'm ba--

Dammit, you drank all the beer.

stacy said...

I don't think I ever got a nickname from EE, either. Now I feel left out.

Jo Antareau said...

Looks like I missed a great party! [surveys the empties strewn around the room with dismay...] Sighhh...

Evil Editor said...

I should choose the 365 best EE cartoons and make one of those desk calendars where you tear off the front page every day.

ril said...

I think that's a great idea! And you could put one of your history tweets on each page too, instead of an inspirational quote.

ril said...

Oh, and I suggest you make it for 1973 because there seems to be a huge gap in the 1973 calendars market.

Anonymous said...

I don't get it. A 1973 calendar makes no sense at all.

ril said...

On the contrary, they were hugely popular at one time.

Veronica Rundell said...

Page-A-Days are excellent entertainment for down times when the work firewall blocks access to Blogger pages...and you could make up your own holidays, too!


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