Actual (or not) amusing (or not) excerpts from (or not from) minions' WIPs. If you have constructive criticism or unadulterated praise, feel free to comment.
Setup: Here's my protagonist at the height of his affability.
“I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure what the topic of conversation was. “I really couldn’t say.”
I was sitting in a restaurant somewhere in the United States with two people I didn’t recognize. There was a guy and a girl. The guy was wearing a black tie and the girl opened her mouth for no good reason.
“Do you even recognize this guy? Doesn’t he look great?”
“Sure,” I said. “You look the way I remember you.”
“But I mean it’s been fifteen years, doesn’t he look great?”
“I didn’t mean to insult,” I lied. “He looks the same.”
It was now the guy’s turn to blow some wind.
“Well, I’m physically weaker, mentally stronger and emotionally dead. You know—I’m thirty.”
“That’s great,” I hypothesized. “Listen, I’m gonna go throw up and then I’m going home to kill myself. We’ll continue this conversation another time.”
“I’ll come with you,” he said.
“Really though,” I said. “Suicide is a solitary activity.”
“Only if you’re a loner.”
I gestured as though I was about to sneeze, I held the pose for a moment and then I ran. He chased me down; my lungs weren’t as reliable as they used to be.
“Come on,” he pleaded. “I’ve never seen a suicide up close.”
“Have you ever seen a homicide?”
He didn’t catch the drift of my question.
“So how are you gonna do it?”
“How do you think?” I said. “I’m going to shoot myself in the face.”