Thursday, May 31, 2012

Amusing Excerpt 3

Actual (or not) amusing (or not) excerpts from (or not from) minions' WIPs. If you have constructive criticism or unadulterated praise, feel free to comment.


Setup: Here's my protagonist at the height of his affability.

“I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure what the topic of conversation was. “I really couldn’t say.”

I was sitting in a restaurant somewhere in the United States with two people I didn’t recognize. There was a guy and a girl. The guy was wearing a black tie and the girl opened her mouth for no good reason.

“Do you even recognize this guy? Doesn’t he look great?”

“Sure,” I said. “You look the way I remember you.”

“But I mean it’s been fifteen years, doesn’t he look great?”

“I didn’t mean to insult,” I lied. “He looks the same.”

It was now the guy’s turn to blow some wind.

“Well, I’m physically weaker, mentally stronger and emotionally dead. You know—I’m thirty.”

“That’s great,” I hypothesized. “Listen, I’m gonna go throw up and then I’m going home to kill myself. We’ll continue this conversation another time.”

“I’ll come with you,” he said.

“Really though,” I said. “Suicide is a solitary activity.”

“Only if you’re a loner.”

I gestured as though I was about to sneeze, I held the pose for a moment and then I ran. He chased me down; my lungs weren’t as reliable as they used to be.

“Come on,” he pleaded. “I’ve never seen a suicide up close.”

“Have you ever seen a homicide?”

He didn’t catch the drift of my question.

“So how are you gonna do it?”

“How do you think?” I said. “I’m going to shoot myself in the face.” 

--Gil Wachstock 

8 comments:

Dave Fragments said...

That's wickedly funny.

arhooley said...

I like it!

vkw said...

I thought this was funny and interesting. I would definately read on.

The setup is lacking some, it kind of starts out

"two men walk into a bar," feeling to it.

I wonder if you could blend the first paragraph better.

BuffySquirrel said...

Good one.

Maureen said...

“Really though,” I said. “Suicide is a solitary activity.”

“Only if you’re a loner.”



Hahaha -- I love those lines.

AA said...

Interesting. I'd read further.

heellisgoa.com said...

I loved the smart-ass attitude of the last sentence. Very clever.

PLaF said...

“That’s great,” I hypothesized.
This line threw me a curve. It looks like a synonym from a thesaurus gone wrong. What is he hypothesizing?
“Have you ever seen a homicide?”
Loved this, but felt the next line cheapened it. Instead of telling me “he didn’t catch the drift of my question” – show me.
Other than that, I really enjoyed this.