Actual (or not) amusing (or not) excerpts from (or not from) minions'
WIPs. If you have constructive criticism or unadulterated praise, feel
free to comment.
--Gil Wachstock
Setup: Here's my protagonist at the height of his affability.
“I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure what the topic of conversation was. “I really couldn’t say.”
I
was sitting in a restaurant somewhere in the United States with two
people I didn’t recognize. There was a guy and a girl. The guy was
wearing a black tie and the girl opened her mouth for no good reason.
“Do you even recognize this guy? Doesn’t he look great?”
“Sure,” I said. “You look the way I remember you.”
“But I mean it’s been fifteen years, doesn’t he look great?”
“I didn’t mean to insult,” I lied. “He looks the same.”
It was now the guy’s turn to blow some wind.
“Well, I’m physically weaker, mentally stronger and emotionally dead. You know—I’m thirty.”
“That’s
great,” I hypothesized. “Listen, I’m gonna go throw up and then I’m
going home to kill myself. We’ll continue this conversation another
time.”
“I’ll come with you,” he said.
“Really though,” I said. “Suicide is a solitary activity.”
“Only if you’re a loner.”
I
gestured as though I was about to sneeze, I held the pose for a moment
and then I ran. He chased me down; my lungs weren’t as reliable as they
used to be.
“Come on,” he pleaded. “I’ve never seen a suicide up close.”
“Have you ever seen a homicide?”
He didn’t catch the drift of my question.
“So how are you gonna do it?”
“How do you think?” I said. “I’m going to shoot myself in the face.”
8 comments:
That's wickedly funny.
I like it!
I thought this was funny and interesting. I would definately read on.
The setup is lacking some, it kind of starts out
"two men walk into a bar," feeling to it.
I wonder if you could blend the first paragraph better.
Good one.
“Really though,” I said. “Suicide is a solitary activity.”
“Only if you’re a loner.”
Hahaha -- I love those lines.
Interesting. I'd read further.
I loved the smart-ass attitude of the last sentence. Very clever.
“That’s great,” I hypothesized.
This line threw me a curve. It looks like a synonym from a thesaurus gone wrong. What is he hypothesizing?
“Have you ever seen a homicide?”
Loved this, but felt the next line cheapened it. Instead of telling me “he didn’t catch the drift of my question” – show me.
Other than that, I really enjoyed this.
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