Guess the Plot
The Forest Avengers
1. Hans Volak has an enormous green problem. Specifically, the carnivorous forest bordering on his property has begun to encroach upon his pastureland, threatening to eat his prized livestock.
2. The wish-granting butterflies thought they were safe in the magical Forest Zone, but someone is out to capture them all, which will screw up the ecosystem. But there's still hope if 12-year-old Jason can conquer his cowardice and act the part of a superhero.
3. In the land of Sylvinia the trees of the Forest Mossling were exposed to a radioactive meteorite. Now they all have super powers and fight crime as . . . The Forest Avengers!
4. It's good anonymice gone bad! Revenge time! Dissed by a squirrel named Buffy, they're gonna gnaw their nuts and ... well, maybe just gnaw their nuts.
5. When 5th grader Kirti starts an environmental club, she thinks they'll plant some trees, go on hikes, stuff like that. But then the FBI mistakes them for domestic terrorists.
6. Forced into a ceasefire nobody wants, warring Middle Eastern nations come up with a diabolical alternative--sending terrorist foresters across the border to aggressively plant trees in each other's territory. Can plucky teenagers Jasmin and Ibrahim destroy the stealth irrigation systems and save the day?
Dear Evil Editor,
Like most twelve-year-olds, Jason didn’t believe in magic. Of course, that was before a bear chased him into the magical Forest Zone; the only safe haven left for threatened animal species. Jason must save the endangered Blue Karner butterfly family from the poaching Lady of the Lake. [That sentence is out of place. I'm expecting you to tell me what makes him suddenly believe in magic; instead you're claiming he is responsible for saving these butterflies, and not providing any explanation for why he has to do this.] You see, each butterfly will grant one wish to the person who catches it first. The Lady plans on stealing them all. [Do you mean capturing them all? From whom would she be stealing them?] [Can't she capture one butterfly and wish that all the others were inside her home?] [In any case, remove "threatened species" from the query and focus on the butterflies.]
Helping the butterflies seems like a no-brainer. There’s only one problem. Jason is an adventure phobic scaredy-cat. His friends know it. His sister taunts him about it. Together with his cousins, Jason makes a wary decision to band together and avenge the rights of the butterfly family. [It's not "rights" that one avenges. He can avenge the butterflies, assuming they've already been wronged. Or he can protect their rights.] [What rights are we talking about? The right to not be used as wish granters? Do the butterflies care to whom they grant wishes?] Little does he know that acting the superhero is much scarier than pretend.
When their plans go wrong and the Lady catches them trying to free her collection of butterflies, [Sounds like the plan is to free the butterflies, not avenge them.] she kidnaps Jason’s cousin and tricks him into leading her to the Forest Zone. ["Hey kid, I'm trying to find Baskin Robbins. Where is it in relation to the Forest Zone, which I already know where is?"] Chaos breaks out when the Lady learns that the all-powerful Queen Karner butterfly is an even better catch. She can bestow the ultimate prize—unlimited wishes. [I don't see why this would cause chaos to break out.] To make matters worse, Jason has to keep an eye on his smart-mouthed sister who thinks there’s no harm done if she makes a wish…or two. [There isn't, if she wishes the Lady would drown in the lake.]
Protecting both the Queen and his own coveted secret [What secret are we talking about?] from the Lady’s clutches, Jason soon discovers what bravery really is as he tries to stop the Lady of the Lake before the butterflies become extinct and the forest’s ecosystem falls apart.
THE FOREST AVENGERS is a middle grade adventure novel. It includes magical realism and is complete at 35,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
The Lady of the Lake is a familiar "name" in fantasy, poetry, opera, and ships. Does she have a real name? Is she a person or some kind of ethereal being? I would find it annoying to read a book in which a main character was always referred to as The Lady of the Lake. It would be like reading a comic book in which the villain was always referred to as The Bald Guy Obsessed with Killing Superman.
The Lady of the Lake has no need to keep or kill a butterfly that's already granted its one wish, so why would they become extinct? She should release them so they can procreate, providing new wish-granting butterflies.
If the Lady of the Lake didn't even know where the Forest Zone was, the butterflies were in no danger of extinction until Jason's cousin blabbed. They should have just stayed out of it and let nature take its course.
Freeing the Lady's collection of butterflies doesn't prevent her from going to the Forest Zone and getting more, or getting the queen. They have to murder her.
Start over. The setup is: The wish-granting Blue Karner butterflies are in danger of extinction if Cruella de Moth finds out where their safe haven, the magical Forest Zone is. 12-year-old coward Jason wants to protect the butterflies, so he recruits his cousins for a mission to thwart Cruella. But when one of Jason's idiot cousins gives away the location, it's time to enact Plan B. If only they had a Plan B.
Take it from there.