Actual (or not) amusing (or not) excerpts from (or not from) minions'
WIPs. If you have constructive criticism or unadulterated praise, feel
free to comment.
Setup: Our
protagonist, his invisible Dog, and a little girl who's also
a bird, all on a train. Our protag, who's recently lost his
name, has just noticed that a piece of the train's wall is
trying hard to convince him not to look at it. (the italics are
telepathic speech.)
Curious
that a bit of wooden
panelling should have an opinion.
Dog,
is someone there?
Dog
seemed to think there was.
He could smell them.
Anyone
we know?
Nobody
I know. But I only know one Nobody.
He
followed that sally up with a
dog laugh.
"You
can't hide from my
Dog," I told the panelling. But it seemed to think it could. "We
won't hurt you, anyway."
I
could bite them. Like Jade.
Dog,
what did I just say?
No
answer. Unless he was
sticking his tongue out at me and I couldn't tell.
If you
were a masking bird, maybe
the sudden arrival of an invisible Dog was enough to send you
into hiding. But when
someone offered you peaceful terms, you ought to show yourself.
I sat
down next to Dog and
concentrated. This person couldn't know me very well. Maybe I
could force them
to show themselves.
Then I
wondered if that was
kind. Maybe they really were frightened.
Or maybe
they were sticking
their tongue out at me. I couldn't tell.
"Come on,
show yourself. I
know you're there. Dog knows you're there, too."
"I
won't," said a
girl's voice. "And you can't make me."
I looked
down at Dog, who may
have been looking up at me. "A girl, Dog."
"You'll
get bored before I
do."
I lobbed
the ball at the
appropriate panel. "Catch!"
Flickering
into view, the girl hurled
the ball back at me. "You cheated!"
"We
cheated," I told
Dog. "And so we won."
--BuffySquirrel
10 comments:
I don't know what to say.
Hahaha, I'd read the story! I don't know why I enjoy telepathy and devilish trickery so much, but I do.
Hmmm, interesting. It's got that Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy mixed with literary fiction feel to it.
Or a cool comic book.
I'm not sure I'd read on. I'm a lazy reader. This made me have to think, which I don't want to do for entertainment.
vkw
Thanks, Rachel. Also, Dave!
That sounds like it could be a glorious story!
Loved, loved, loved the opening sentence to this. Made me want to read more.
I thought it was funny everyone was invisible, in hiding, or talking telepathically - very secretive characters :) Love the wryness of the last line.
I like it! I definitely want to read more.
I also found echoes of the Hitchhiker's Guide in this. The concept of a telepathic invisible dog is funny enough. I would read more.
Thanks, people :). I confess, I don't see the HHGTTG similarities.
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