Friday, May 04, 2012

New Beginning 943

The man on the corner had been on fire for five days. Daniel walked past quickly, with his head down and his hands in his pockets, so he didn't have to catch the burning man's eye. The burning man waved his arms, wobbled in the patch of molten rubber that used to be his shoes, shrieked:


Daniel skipped up the stairs to his office building.

"BEAUTIFUL AND WISE!" shrieked the burning man. "BEAUTIFUL AND--"

He fell abruptly silent. Daniel, with his hand on the door handle, turned against his better judgment.

The man was lying on the ground mumbling.

It's sad, Daniel thought, any time senility strikes a superhero, but Ghost Rider's case is the worst I've ever seen.

Opening: 150.....Continuation: Evil Editor


Evil Editor said...

Like the other openings in the queue, this is the opening of a work in progress, and there may not be much more to the book so far. Until we receive some openings of completed books, you'll have to settle.

Evil Editor said...

Unchosen continuations:

"Silly bastard," he told the charred heap on the sidewalk. "This is a democracy, not a monarchy."

--Angie Sargenti

The man had gone out in a puff. Now he just stood there, trying to catch again in the light breeze.
"Hey, buddy," he said to Daniel, "got a light?"

Daniel shook his head. "I don't smoke."

The human cinder stalked away, smoldering. "Bigot," he said under his breath.


He saw a girl, twentyish, handing the man a pink box. As soon as the flaming fingers encounters the cardboard, the fire collapsed on itself, extinguished instantly.

"THANK YOU JULIE!" screamed the now-soldering man. "NOW I CAN BRING HIM HIS CHEESE DANISHES!"


AlaskaRavenclaw said...

Hey, great, I'd keep reading.

But unfortunately I know from what you told us before that there ain't no more.

(What you did right: 1. Interesting situation. 2. Scene raises a question. (to wit: WTF?) 3. No unnecessary verbiage.)

Evil Editor said...

Skipping doesn't strike me as an efficient way to climb a staircase.

It may not be clear whether Daniel turned, against his better judgment, or "turned against" his better judgment.

If it's the former, it could be: Against his better judgment, Daniel turned. We probably don't need to know his hand is on the door handle.

I'm not sure I want to read even this small amount without getting an explanation for the guy being on fire five days. You might want to work that into the first or second paragraph.

Rachel6 said...

I was trying to figure out why the burning man fell silent. I had a sudden vision of him charging Daniel and infecting him with the ETERNAL FLAME!!...yeah, maybe not.

AlaskaRavenclaw said...

Aw, c'mon. It's obviously a metaphor.

none said...

Reminds me of the hysteria over some stupid woman who didn't put her seatbelt on, died in a car crash, and obsessed my idiot country for months following. No thanks!

Golfball said...

BSquirrel: Years ago in the States, there was a student who was campaigning against mandatory helmet laws for motorcycles, and was killed in a (survivable w/ helmet) motorcycle accident. If I remember correctly, said student won a Darwin Award.

Anonymous said...

@ Buffy - the stupid woman was obsessed with world- wide, not just your country, both before and after the laws of physics applied in a Paris tunnel.

But I dont remember any self-immolation happening in her name.

I'd read on.

PLaF said...

I wonder that someone has the strength to shriek in all caps after burning for 5 days. However, I’m intrigued enough to read on far enough to discover why he’s on fire and why Daniel would consider this sight more or less business as usual.

none said...

No, you're right, Anon, I don't remember any self-immolation either. But for some reason, that particular exercise in transfer of momentum was what came to mind while reading.

Shame there isn't any more, as it would be interesting to find out the answers to all the questions raised by the burning man.

150 said...

If I do finish it, Buffs, I'll send it to you first. #promises #threats

batgirl said...

I like this - it has a nice casual sfnal or fantastic feel, like the classic 'the door irised open', or 'she turned on her left side'. I was actually more taken aback by the skipping.
I'd read on.

none said...

You can find my email on my blog! (my poor sad neglected blog)