Friday, May 20, 2011
Guess the Plot
The Crystal Vault
1. Zorpax the Dreadful was voted best up-and-coming super villain. Now all he needs to attain world domination is the world's largest man-made diamond, the Heart of Velour. To get it he must break into the Crystal Vault. But will he still want to conquer the world when love gets in the way?
2. Aging billionaire William Green is terrified of dying. After years of searching he’s found the Garden of Eden. Within the garden the fountain of youth is kept inside a huge crystal vault. But the garden is guarded by Angels with fiery swords. Can his mismatched team of scientists and mercenaries retrieve the water and get out alive?
3. Fifteen-year-old gymnast Gnadia has sacrificed everything - boys, cheeseburgers, even menstruation - for her dream of winning an Olympic gold medal. Unfortunately the host country has introduced an even higher medal - crystal. Can Nadia suppress her infatuation with Slobotnian pentathlete Zdcenkvo long enough to perform . . . The Crystal Vault?
4. After a long string of failures, Ernest Makeworthy comes up with an invention sure to sell like hotcakes--a bank vault made of crystal. Now the money can be counted without entering the vault! But it's hammers that are selling like hotcakes.
5. Dalli Fontana discovers an ancient Mesopotamian civilization was curing its citizens of cancer over 2,000 years ago. The drug's formula was stored in a vault of heat-resistant crystals, at the base of an unnamed volcano. Now she just has to avoid causing an international incident and dodge pharmaceutical assassins trying to protect their cash cow.
6. A teenager stumbles upon a strange realm of elves and terrifying beings. Immediately she is declared the chosen one upon whose magical abilities the fate of the entire world depends. But she seems to have lost her magical abilities if she ever had them. So she embarks on a journey into the wilderness in hopes of finding them there. Also, a crystal vault.
When Leyna, an orphan raised by the Duke and Duchess of Turothrím, runs away from her home because a strange man from her dreams tells her to do so, she begins questioning her sanity until she stumbles not only into the very arms of the man she imagined, but into an oppressed world laced with danger, prophesy, and magic. [At which point she stops questioning her sanity? I think you may have this backwards.]
A marriage proposal should be an exciting prospect for any seventeen-year-old Lady of Court. But when two young noblemen begin a desperate fight for her hand, Leyna feels trapped and fearful of what her future holds. So when the attractive man from her odd dreams pleads with her to run away from the only home she has ever known, she sees it as her only opportunity and flees. [Her only opportunity to avoid a situation in which she's fearful of what the future holds is to flee the sheltered comfort of her home for the outside, unknown world?] Unwittingly, she stumbles into the realm of the elves, creatures believed to be pure myth to the humans. And to her astonishment, they are not the only non-human beings to inhabit the lands of Lusorya. [If she's never been to the land of Lusorya, and when she gets there she finds it inhabited by non-human beings, why would she be astonished to find there are other non-human beings? If Martians landed on Earth and the first creatures they saw were wildebeests, I doubt they'd be astonished to find that there are other non-Martian creatures here besides wildebeests.]
A prophesy [prophecy] from ages past entrenches Leyna in a world fraught with peril when it is revealed that she is something other than human herself- [If she's a wildebeest, that should be revealed earlier.] a being that can see the future through her dreams . [So why didn't she see herself stumbling into the realm of the elves in her dreams?] But this prophesy [prophecy!] indicates that the world’s future rests squarely on a decision she must make. [By "the world's" future do you mean the realm of the elves or all of Earth or the universe?] Will she oppose the High King of Lusorya and the terrifying beings who serve him, or will she join him and help solidify his reign? Hounded for her decision by the elves and the King’s most vicious minion, [Is the King an elf?] Leyna’s world changes abruptly when confrontations turn deadly.
Now not only is her own life in danger, but the lives of her family and her new friends. [I didn't know she had new friends.] To protect them all, Leyna must embark on a journey into the wilderness to find a way to reclaim her magic. [I didn't know she'd lost her magic. Is it her ability to dream the future that she's lost? Have any of her dreams about the future come true since she got to Lusorya?] With the truth of her dreams being called into question, [She shows up in this realm and they tell her that she is a being who can see the future in her dreams, and then they complain to her that her dreams aren't coming true?] she must find a way to convince the man from her dreams that she knows where her magic is being kept and survive the trip there and back. [I don't see why she needs to convince him. Who is he?]
THE CRYSTAL VAULT (122,000 words), is a fantasy novel of magic, danger, and romance for young adults. The book is designed as the first in a series.
Get rid of the first paragraph. We don't need to know about the Duke and Duchess of Turothrím, and everything else in that paragraph is repeated in the next paragraph, but with more specificity.
How come no other humans have unwittingly stumbled into the realm of the elves? Can Leyna stumble back out and go home, or is this some kind of alternate universe?
Usually the "oracle" is someone the main character must contend with. Possibly that's because foretelling the future isn't that useful. Either you're always right, in which case it doesn't matter what anyone does, or you're sometimes wrong, in which case the hero can alter his destiny, at which point the oracle will claim that her prediction was misinterpreted. Here the oracle is the main character, but it's not clear how her power is used by her or anyone else to save the world. Has she ever been right about anything? Did she have a particular dream that has everyone worried about Armageddon?
Why does it seem that characters who can see the future are so often in the dark about their own future?