Monday, May 16, 2011
Guess the Plot
1. Kindar, a quadriplegic, is miraculously cured by an angel and becomes a pro football player. Handicapped and chronically ill people who are sick to bloody death of "miracle cure" novels show up at the author's house with pitchforks.
2. Kindar has found a cure for vampirism. Now he has a posse of seriously pissed-off vampire fiction writers wanting him dead and the cure lost forever. But Kindar has zombies as allies. After all, they want writers to portray them as romantic souls, too.
3. The cancer in Lloyd Kindar's brain will kill him, according to Dr. Jones, who doesn't even want to try operating. So it's all up to Lloyd. As usual. He goes to the store and gets several mirrors, a power drill and a mini-vacuum cleaner, sets things up in the shed out back and does his own surgery, removing a seemingly insignificant lobe from above his left eye. Hilarity ensues.
4. Kindar is the chosen one who is supposed to save her people, except she has a disease that's slowly killing her. Her one hope is a novice wizard, but she's lucky if she survives his attempt to get her to his lair, much less his cure. It's beginning to look like Kindar's sister is actually the chosen one.
5. Having made a bundle on his patent medicine, a fragrant cure-all and hair restorer, Dr. Kindar pays off the elf who sold him the formula, builds the biggest house west of Chicago, begins his quest for a bride, and falls hopelessly in love with Jane -- an abolitionist who thinks patent medicines are the work of the devil. Can he convince her a few drops of the Kindar Cure never hurt anyone?
6. Castaway James Kindar ekes out a miserable existence on a desert island where he eats mostly shellfish and has nothing to live for except a slow demise from leprosy -- until the day he wades into a tidepool in search of oysters and is shocked by an electric eel. He crawls ashore half dead, but by sundown his leprosy is cured! But can he catch the eel and get it to the leper colony at Melbourne in time to save Elvira?
Princess Kindar Stefanous has the wits to prove she deserves to inherit her mother’s throne, [The heir to the throne is determined in a battle of wits?] but the gods have other ideas. They mark her as flawed by inflicting her with a wasting disease of cough and slow suffocation. With cutting jeers, the empress pushes her aside in favor of her two sisters.
Yet soothsayers have long predicted an empress would produce three daughters, [And after hundreds of years, it finally happened, proving the soothsayers were right on the money.] [I predict that at some point in the future, the queen will have a child, and that child will one day become queen!] foretelling one would rise to become the savior of her people. [From what do they need saving?] For Kindar, that nonsense isn’t in the realm of possibility. After all, the kingdom is healthy—unlike her.
When her elder sister is murdered, the killer hides behind magic and leaves a clue to implicate Kindar. [Her inhaler.] In one night, she loses a sister and moves from worthless to suspect. ["From sicko to suspect" sounds better. Also, I prefer "changes" or "goes" to "moves."] [If they think she's a murderer anyway, she might as well kill the other sister and her mother.]
Arrest and banishment loom over Kindar, but after eighteen years of fighting for life and place, she isn’t about to surrender now. A novice wizard, Maladonis Bin, approaches with his vision of a cure if she can manage the journey through rebel territory and survive his attempts to protect her. Along the way, they discover the kingdom isn’t as healthy as Kindar thought. Serious plots to undermine the throne are in motion, starting with her sister’s murder. [Are we talking about the sister who's already been killed? Because that plot is no longer in motion.] [When there's an actual place called rebel territory, you can assume plots to undermine the throne were in motion before Sis's murder.]
With prophecy calling and the killer at large, Kindar must rally her strength for a fight, not only for life and throne, but respect.
Kindar’s Cure is an [a] 114,000 word epic fantasy. It can stand alone or has series potential. [In fact, I've nearly completed Kindar's Relapse, and have outlined Kindar's Remission.]
Thank you for your consideration.
Just because the prophecy said one of three sisters would be the savior doesn't mean the one is Kindar. How does she know she's the one?
How old is Kindar? You claim she's had eighteen years of fighting for life and place. Does that mean she's had this slow suffocation disease for eighteen years? When it comes to the passage of time, eighteen minutes is glacial if you're suffocating. It reads like she got the disease after reaching the point of having the wits to prove she deserves the throne.
Is her mother dying? Who's heir to the throne isn't a big deal if the empress is going to live another eighty years. (See Great Britain.)
I can't tell if the rebels are bad guys or good guys. I can't tell if Kindar's sisters are good or bad.