Sunday, March 23, 2008

Fake Query 9

They don't call him Casanova Krebs for nothing! In this tale of high adventure, follow our hero as he impersonates the paying customers at an expensive brothel.

Dear Mr. Editor,

Virginal accountant Carmichael Krebs has a new Wall Street job, finding rationales for the executive luxuries piling up on company credit cards. When he uncovers the brokerage’s expense account at an exclusive pleasure house, Carmichael starts slipping into brothel bedrooms booked in his bosses’ names, romping with five-diamond hookers five days a week in ever-bawdier adventures.

Strung up by Mistress Madison and her Whip of Wails, he soon confesses his misuse of the company account. Then he learns it’s on digital video. He must obey her every command, including those involving insider trading, or he’ll be on Youtube and then on trial. Can Casanova Krebs wiggle out of bondage to the Machiavellian Mistress, or will he be paying restitution from prison on every one of those high-class Stolen Pieces?

Stolen Pieces is complete at 69,000 words.

My previous writing credits include Expense Accounting for Fun and Profit, The Auditor’s Nightmare, and My Months with Mistress M (a memoir). Research for this novel was accomplished during my three years in a Wall Street accounting department, and the manuscript was workshopped extensively at a fine federal retreat recently redecorated by Martha Stewart. Erotic adventures were field-tested for accuracy prior to incar-- my writers retreat. Video verification is available on request (you keep the videos if I get the publishing contract).

Yours truly,

--jeb

8 comments:

Dave F. said...

I didn't know accountants could get it up!

Whirlochre said...

Has anyone been tried for murder on YouTube yet? Or is that coming in 2010?

This amused me muchly - esp the consequences of your research.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Interesting payola for the editor / agent. Keep the video? And maybe a personal introduction to the Mistress if desired?

Good job!

Robin S. said...

"the manuscript was workshopped extensively at a fine federal retreat recently redecorated by Martha Stewart. Erotic adventures were field-tested for accuracy prior to incar-- my writers retreat."

What a scream.

That and..."Strung up by Mistress Madison and her Whip of Wails..."
gave me a good laugh.

Cool one, jeb.

Anonymous said...

And here I always thought accountants were boring...

Then again, I'm a lawyer, so maybe they assume (incorrectly, of course!) that I'm boring...

Hmmm... maybe it's time for some research...

jeb said...

All accountants have secret lives ;-p

If I'd known EE wasn't going to use my - er, the author's - sweated-over signature lines, I'd have had 24 extra words to play with in the body. Imagine what Mistress M could do with that!

Wes said...

Nicely done.

pjd said...

This was a masterpiece. Or perhaps a master piece. Had me chuckling from beginning to end. Love the pub credits.