Sunday, March 23, 2008

Fake Query 10

Porn stars Viv Lickum and Gary Coonch are shoe-ins to win the year's Best Love Scene Award, until they learn of a young couple who are burning up the cameras. Can Viv and Gary turn the heat even higher in their new movie Love Inferno, or will they have to kill the competition?


Dear Evil Editor:

Never one to (only) lay down on the job, when Viv Lickum discovers that her dreams of winning the year’s Best Love Scene Award, a milestone achievement in her long and illustrious career in the porn industry, are threatened by a young, up-and-coming actress, she takes matters into her own hands -- and bludgeons the competition to death with the “Daddy from the ‘Natti,” a vibrating rabbit she can always trust to get the job done…

LOVE INFERNO explores the nastier side of the porn industry, giving the readers the inside story of the people behind the cameras. The players are vicious, competitive, and will screw anybody in the pursuit of making it to the top . . . to earn the title “porn star.”

Can Viv get away with murder and win the award she’s coveted for so long? Will she find true love with her on-screen lover, Gary Coonch, and finally have the happily-ever-after of a Herpes medication commercial? She’s guaranteed to end up in handcuffs . . . but will they be in furtherance of her career, or will they mean the end?

Upon your request, I will be delighted to send you sample chapters of LOVE INFERNO (and a photograph of me with the Daddy from the 'Natti, if you so desire). Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely yours,

--A.

11 comments:

Dave F. said...

How can you go wrong with porn, gossip mongers and reality shows?

Whirlochre said...

Herpes medication commercials would be fantastic - with the right jingle, you could pop your pustules to the music between re-runs of Baywatch...

Loved the vibrating rabbit. Very Easter...

Sarah Laurenson said...

Indeed! Another great job! Love the idea of a behind-the-scenes book that involves sabotaging your competition. Hm. That sounds familiar - and not in the porn industry. You might really be on to something here.

Robin S. said...

"the “Daddy from the ‘Natti,” a vibrating rabbit..."

I freakin' love your amazing imagination, whoever you are!

What's that "A" about, anyway?
This is really funny. You should take credit!

Evil Editor said...

I think A is a pen name. Their real name is B.

Anonymous said...

I recently discovered EE's blog, and plan to hang around awhile. Thanks for welcoming me.

Robin, sadly, I can't take credit for the naming of the vibrator; you can get a Daddy from the 'Nati of your own at pureromance.com ;)

And maybe I'll disclose my real name someday...

Until then,
A.

Robin S. said...

Wow. I've never shopped for stuff like that. I figured...uh, well, never mind.

Maybe you could give a one new letter each week, sort of an add-on thing.

jeb said...

Ouch - rabbit-shaped sounds UN-comfortable.

Very funny query. Dark humour spotlighting the porn industry.

Is this where Tanya Harding ended up?

fairyhedgehog said...

I can't believe that an item like that could be called 'Daddy' anything. Except it is.

That was very funny, anonymous A, I hope you'll be contributing more.

Wes said...

Is that the remote control variable speed purple bunny with just the face and ears?

pjd said...

Sounds like a great book, though you'd have to sell it with its own brown paper cover, I think.

A (if your name isn't B), don't stay too anonymous too long. Funny stuff.