Saturday, February 09, 2008

Update


You may recall (from the previous post) that an external auditor at the Bank of East Asia Ltd. in Singapore recently contacted Evil Editor. Actually, you won't recall those specifics, as I replaced them with the more interesting "yada yada yada," but I now reveal them. Scroll down to the previous post to get up to speed on where I stood with Mr. Wang Kee as of yesterday. Or simply click here and pray I'm not phishing for your personal information to steal your identity. (Don't worry; As I am Evil Editor and you are you, can you honestly believe I would want your identity?)

Thanks to the remarkable speed of Internet communications, I have now completed a few additional rounds of correspondence with Mr. Kee. Or possibly it's Mr. Wang. I should ask him about that in my next letter. In any case, allow me to get you up to date:


Evil Editor:

I am most pleasing to receive your prompt response to my letter concerning the 12.5 million dollrs we are holding. It was in actuality a secretarial employee who typed the original letter suggesting that we should receive 7.5m, and the person in questionable has been dealt with severely. Meanwhile, your offer of $5000 is acceptable. There is the small matter of the withdrawal fee, which will require a good-faith payment of $950 US. In the interest of transactional alacrity, please forward a bank account number from which we may electronically wire the fee. A prompt response will assure that we will have this matter "out of our Hairs" expediently.

Wang Kee


Wang Kee:

Thank you for your prompt response to my letter regarding my 12.5 million dollars which you have been kindly holding for me for three years, and are now desperately attempting to return to its rightful owner, namely me. As most of my capital is currently tied up in long-term municipal bonds, K-1 partnerships and passthroughs, and Iraqi real estate, I propose that you be so kind as to scrape together the $950 withdrawal fee, in return for which I will increase your share of the 12.5m from $5000 to $6045. I calculate that this nets you an extra $95, a 10% increase on your $950 investment in a very short time period. Awaiting your reply.

EE


Mr. EE:

I am gratified to inform you that I have in acceptance of your offer obtained the 12.5m US and while tempted to simply deposit in my own account, have decided to ethicly conclude our arrangement. If you would forward your bank account number at your convenience I will wire the funds into it and we will be concluded. Again my condolences on the loss of your loved one or the person who has your same last name.

Wang Kee


Wang Kee:

If you would be so kind as to Fed-Ex a cashier's check for the 12+ m? On second thought, I think we can save a little money if you make it USPS Global Priority. Thanks.

EE

P.S. I noticed upon Googling your name that you are apparently attempting to reach other people whose money is being held in your bank. For ten thousand dollars US I will edit your letter so that if you happen to locate another account's owner you will sound more like a bank employee and less like a semi-literate Nigerian scammer.


EE:

While my skills with your language are admittedly lacking, my ability to hack into your computer and get your address you would find most impressive. Shall I have my boys deliver your 12.5 million?

Wang Kee


Wang Kee:

I've decided, upon further consideration, that you are deserving of the full 12.5m. Please enjoy it with my blessing, and may I have the pleasure of doing business with you again some day.

EE


EE:

There's still the small matter of the withdrawal fee. $950 US.

Wang Kee


Wang:

Yes, if you would send me your bank account number, I'll wire you the funds right away.

EE

20 comments:

Janet said...

I hereby officially change your name to Evil Genius.

Phoenix said...

I am gratified to inform you that I have in acceptance of your offer obtained the 12.5m US and while tempted to simply deposit in my own account, have decided to ethicly conclude our arrangement

And so if the obtained money isn't in WK's account, is it in his striped sock behind the dryer?

Reverse phishing. Hehe.

Dave F. said...

I seriously hope that you are making all this up. This crook, Wing Lee, could load a trojan horse onto your computer in one of these e-mails and read the hard drive.

Let me give y'all a warning. It sounds like fun to "negotiate" with these crooks but now they know you exist (for real) and that gives the hackers and crooks a path into your computer. How do I know this? I used to work for a government agency that every hacker wanted to get inside and "EF" with.

Those computers got hit with so much mischief, it was almost unbelievable until one day the computer people showed me the logs of each attempt. Please don't consider this "just another warning." I lived through several attacks on our computer systems when I was working and it wasn't fun.

This exchange is bright and witty. EE is flexing his writing skills. Enjoy it. But please people, don't do it for real. You cannot win the battle.

Chumplet said...

Way to spoil our fun, Dave...

Truly, it is tempting to mess with their heads, but also amazing how those crooks can get into our computers. I thank the IT gods that I have a bona fide computer geek living in my house, firewall and all.

I like Seinfeld's approach to telemarketers. "I'm busy right now, but if you give me YOUR number, I'll get back to you."

Dave F. said...

Chumplet, No I'm not trying buzzkill. Go and have fun with EE's post. Just remember that these crooks are really bad guys. I've been through the worst, several times in fact.

Phoenix said...

In general, simply replying to a phishing email will not install malware. Clicking on any supplied links or on the email itself if sent as an image will trigger any malware attached, as will downloading any attachments or images linked to the Internet. So, EE, you're probably OK if you actually did have this cyber conversation so long as you never clicked anything except the "reply" button. But malware makers are getting more sophisticated every day. Abstinence is the only sure way to not get infected.

The company I work for is the #2 supplier of networking, website and email services to banks, governments, etc. worldwide. I live behind one of the best firewalls around and get daily security updates fed directly to my laptop. Yet even we were hacked last month and emails sent to our 140,000 employees directing them to update benefit information on what appeared to be a site on our private network.

I'll second Dave. The bad guys are just getting badder. Let's be careful out there.

AR said...

Faces of honorable husband and self splitting through laughter.

What I really love is how his/her English skills get better the angier he/she becomes!

Robin S. said...

My favorite part:

For ten thousand dollars US I will edit your letter so that if you happen to locate another account's owner you will sound more like a bank employee and less like a semi-literate Nigerian scammer.

The Editor Strikes Back

Dave F. said...

I'm looking forward to another installment.

"Iraqi real estate" - is this like lakefront swampland in Florida or that cute and adorable (but oh so tiny) lot in Brooklyn next to the bridge?

talpianna said...

Hey, EE, I didn't know you were interested in investing in real estate. Call me about my oceanfront property in Yuma!

Since you're not getting the money, I suppose there's no chance of borrowing from you to pay the people whose e-mail promises me an enormous penis?

December/Stacia said...

Awesome.

Did you ever hear the audio clip of the guy who, when called by a telemarketer, pretended to be a homicide detective and started asking the telemarketer all sorts of questions about how he knew the deceased? I'll have to see if I can dig it up.

December/Stacia said...

Here it is. It gets a bit ridiculous at the end, but it's still kind of cute.

writtenwyrdd said...

ROFL. Dave F, you give me further reason to follow my brother the computer geek's advice to never ever answer spam or questionable email.

Dave F. said...

Written - the only thing to do with unwanted e-mail is to delete it, filter it to the trash, or block it if your ISP or email service permits.
Never reply to it asking them to stop. Then they know you are real.

Back a number of years ago, after living with my Mother for a year, my Aunt passed away. My Mother got stuck with trying to stop the advertisements. After several attempts to stop some really idiotic junk mail, my Mom took to writing "deceased - refused" and handing the mail back to the mailman.
Well, about a month later she gets the same trashy junk mail with the address:
Dave's Aunt or Deceased-refused or current resident
My Mom's address...

We still laugh.

Lakefront in Yuma? (too funny)
Accusing the telemarketer of Murder (delicious, absolutely fabulous)

ChristineEldin said...

I read this to my husband. We are both rolling on the floor!!! (laughing, not sexing)

OMG, you *are* an Evil Genius. I am so turned on right now. Don't know if it's the brains or the money....
:-)

You need an award for this. Seriously.

ChristineEldin said...

Oh, Decemeber--I am addicted to that clip! You can't just listen to it once.

Anonymous said...

Dead of laughter.

writtenwyrdd said...

I remember laughing myself sick when I heard that call the first time. Glad you could dig up the link, december.

Anonymous said...

EE,

I guess because of the content of this discussion, my security suite (kaspersky) blocked loading this blog. Kaspersky decided it was a phishing site. I had to override it to load the blog.

ME said...

Wow! A double dose of Evil's editorial genius. **** rating on Today's post Overall Great Fun!!