Update

You may recall (from the previous post) that an external auditor at the Bank of East Asia Ltd. in Singapore recently contacted Evil Editor. Actually, you won't recall those specifics, as I replaced them with the more interesting "yada yada yada," but I now reveal them. Scroll down to the previous post to get up to speed on where I stood with Mr. Wang Kee as of yesterday. Or simply click here and pray I'm not phishing for your personal information to steal your identity. (Don't worry; As I am Evil Editor and you are you, can you honestly believe I would want your identity?)

Thanks to the remarkable speed of Internet communications, I have now completed a few additional rounds of correspondence with Mr. Kee. Or possibly it's Mr. Wang. I should ask him about that in my next letter. In any case, allow me to get you up to date:


Evil Editor:

I am most pleasing to receive your prompt response to my letter concerning the 12.5 million dollrs we are holding. It was in actuality a secretarial employee who typed the original letter suggesting that we should receive 7.5m, and the person in questionable has been dealt with severely. Meanwhile, your offer of $5000 is acceptable. There is the small matter of the withdrawal fee, which will require a good-faith payment of $950 US. In the interest of transactional alacrity, please forward a bank account number from which we may electronically wire the fee. A prompt response will assure that we will have this matter "out of our Hairs" expediently.

Wang Kee


Wang Kee:

Thank you for your prompt response to my letter regarding my 12.5 million dollars which you have been kindly holding for me for three years, and are now desperately attempting to return to its rightful owner, namely me. As most of my capital is currently tied up in long-term municipal bonds, K-1 partnerships and passthroughs, and Iraqi real estate, I propose that you be so kind as to scrape together the $950 withdrawal fee, in return for which I will increase your share of the 12.5m from $5000 to $6045. I calculate that this nets you an extra $95, a 10% increase on your $950 investment in a very short time period. Awaiting your reply.

EE


Mr. EE:

I am gratified to inform you that I have in acceptance of your offer obtained the 12.5m US and while tempted to simply deposit in my own account, have decided to ethicly conclude our arrangement. If you would forward your bank account number at your convenience I will wire the funds into it and we will be concluded. Again my condolences on the loss of your loved one or the person who has your same last name.

Wang Kee


Wang Kee:

If you would be so kind as to Fed-Ex a cashier's check for the 12+ m? On second thought, I think we can save a little money if you make it USPS Global Priority. Thanks.

EE

P.S. I noticed upon Googling your name that you are apparently attempting to reach other people whose money is being held in your bank. For ten thousand dollars US I will edit your letter so that if you happen to locate another account's owner you will sound more like a bank employee and less like a semi-literate Nigerian scammer.


EE:

While my skills with your language are admittedly lacking, my ability to hack into your computer and get your address you would find most impressive. Shall I have my boys deliver your 12.5 million?

Wang Kee


Wang Kee:

I've decided, upon further consideration, that you are deserving of the full 12.5m. Please enjoy it with my blessing, and may I have the pleasure of doing business with you again some day.

EE


EE:

There's still the small matter of the withdrawal fee. $950 US.

Wang Kee


Wang:

Yes, if you would send me your bank account number, I'll wire you the funds right away.

EE