Saturday, February 16, 2008

Fake Query 4 (Semi-Sentient Soap Scum on the Prowl)

A pharmaceutical genius tries to turn millions of men with hair loss problems into zombies with his brain-sucking Rogaine shampoo.


Dear Agent X,

I am seeking representation for my novel, Semi-Sentient Soap Scum on the Prowl, a 70,000 word horror novel with zany elements.

Sir Rodney Rillion is a devilishly handsome pharmaceutical genius with a problem. With his world travels and his easy, virile way with almost all women, Rodney has extended himself, wealth-wise and…otherwise, past the point of no return. He’s just about shot his wad.

Lying awake in bed one night in Singapore, with several female admirers sleeping all around him, Rodney decides he cannot abide taking these imminent losses lying down. Brilliant man that he is, he sees clearly, there in the dark, what he needs: a captive male audience for his new pharmaceutical product.

The only problem: this stop-hair-loss shampoo turns men’s brains into a soul-sucked stew, their zombiefied bodies a dead giveaway that something is amiss. That and the shampoo, when rinsed off, leaves a crusty soap scum with the brain power of the very hairy zombies trapped inside. Yes. Sentient soap scum.

How many women can Rodney add to his worldwide collection? How many zombie’s wives fit the formula for Rodney-love? How many will have to be zombiefied and ordered to eradicate said soap scum?

Or will the soap scum, in a giant genetic leap of faith, pull itself together and do battle with Sir Rodney and his female scum-cleaning minions?

I’m currently cleaning up and polishing the sequel to this novel, entitled Semi-Sentient Soap on a Rope.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

--Robin S.

13 comments:

Sarah said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Dave F. said...

I’m currently cleaning up and polishing the sequel to this novel, entitled Semi-Sentient Soap on a Rope

Soap on a rope! This is so funny. Imagine the cable prison series "OZ" with this soap on a rope!!!! and !!! and !!!!!!

Sarah said...

Soap on a rope...

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

ril said...

Excellent -- I'd want to read this. I already feel like I know the MC, ah, intimately.

Robin S. said...

Yeah, ril. I thought you might know the guy pretty well.

Thanks, Sarah and Dave. You all made me laugh - which is great, given that I'm popping on here during a slog through of a chapter reread that's giving me fits.

Whirlochre said...

All advertisements should be required to outline 'the only problem...'

Plus - I think I may have used this stuff.

Brenda Bradshaw said...

This made me laugh out loud! Great job, Robin! LOL

David said...

Looks like Robin chose to keep it clean this time...

Anonymous said...

But what happens to the women who use the product? Are they somehow able to override the brain stew? Maybe just the blondes?

Good one tho'.

MR

Anonymous said...

I had no prob with the squeeky-cleaness of this. I just went back and read last weeks Romance scene, #22? was it?

ME (erroneously posted as MR a few mins ago)

Robin S. said...

Oh, damn, David, I didn't realize I was keepin' it clean.

I was razzin on ril, and talking about shooting wads and Rodney-love all over hell's half acre.

I can definitely ratchet it up for ya next time.

Have you been posting as an anon before this? Just checking.

David said...

Nope, that was my first comment. I just couldn't resist the pun.

pjd said...

Very nice. I like the idea of the soap scum rising up. I'm imagining a gestalt sort of consciousness that is greater than the sum of the parts. And I'm rooting for the soap scum.

Semi-sentient soap on a rope. I'm not sure I want to follow that line of thinking.