It's midnight in the Museum of Natural History, and Chief Curator of African Mammals Dr. Pinkney Mupps is horrified when the "Lions on the Savannah" diorama is vandalized. But the sight of his wife and the Assistant Curator of Primitive Tools cavorting naked among the tall grasses is what really hurts his pride.
In the surveillance society of 2350, foresight exterminates all hope of hindsight and even the dead are scrutinised.
Museum curator Pinkney Mupps is hellbent on revenge against the state for the typos on his ID profile that dog his dream of becoming a renegade Hyperspace Ballistics Marine with a cruel streak, a scar and an idiosyncratic cheroot.
Combining a childhood interest in sleight-of-hand magic with adult expertise in advanced cloning techniques and crochet, he assembles a skin-and-bone army of semiconscious jungle beasts from the stolen DNA of his favourite stuffed animals and drills them to take on the authorities one CCTV camera at a time.
His plans are foiled when his wife’s lover (and his own subordinate), Huw Juanga, loses a testicle to a hastily donned leopard skin thong during a covert sex romp and goes on the rampage. Worse still, Oscar the elephant traps his trunk in a fingerprint scanner sparking the first global search for Elvis Presley in over three centuries.
After a series of knockabout adventures mixing the tension of Logan’s Run with the helmets of Death Race 2000 and the haircuts of Blue Hawaii, Mupps is cornered in the museum by a steroid-enhanced SWAT team. As the missiles begin to fly, Juanga floods the Edu-Vid screen with footage from his personal DVD collection.
Our hero faces the dilemma of his life: to die like a coward as Pinkney Mupps, or flout the smoking ban and fight for his life as Commander Wussface Twatspazzer von Wankhead-Wankhead Shitpipe.