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Guess the Plot

Andromeda's Tear

1. Mild-mannered astronomer Evelyn Winningham, investigating the disappearances of several other female astronomers, meets the hunky Duke of Winterset. Together they uncover a plot to snatch the fabulous diamond known as Andromeda's Tear.

2. When seamstress Sondra Blair is summoned to NASA, she is assigned the most important mission in the history of the universe. Can she stitch up the rip in the neighbouring galaxy in time to save ours?

3. Andromeda liked her clothes tight. Too tight. The morning of her first day as a White House page, she realizes she's in trouble as she hears the rip and feels the draft on her rear.

4. Okay, so her real name's Mary, she's Irish-Italian, not Greek, she was a drama major, and her crystal ball is cracked, but still -- if Andromeda bursts into tears while reading your tea leaves -- you're in trouble.

5. It's Risky Business meets The Thomas Crown Affair when a Dale, a New York aristobrat, has an unauthorized party in his father's penthouse apartment. The strippers, stiffed at the end of the party, make off with Dale's dad's original Rembrandt painting of Andromeda chained to the rock. Dale gets the painting back, but . . . was that tiny tear in the canvas there before?

6. The vanguard from the Andromeda galaxy has come to Earth, demanding the return of the sacred stone, Andromeda's Tear, and they're not leaving without it. Even if it means destroying the planet.


Original Version

Dear ________,

The obsession of one man and the protection of another--she’ll need all her strength to survive them both…

There is a legend surrounding the Greek myth of Perseus and Andromeda that tells of a rare comet whose charted path is the key to discovering a priceless diamond. [The diamond is buried directly beneath the comet's path.] [Whenever there's a legend surrounding a myth, you can bet there's also a fable based on a folk tale encompassing the legend surrounding the myth.] 1845 marks the return of that comet--and the sudden disappearance of several members of the Ladies’ Astronomical Society.

Mild-mannered astronomer Evelyn Winningham is determined to investigate the disappearances of her colleagues. When an intruder forces her to flee the safety of her home, she runs headlong into the arms of Alistair Bainbridge, the infamous Duke of Winterset. [Not clear what that sentence has to do with the previous one. Was she investigating the disappearances in the safety of her home?] More worrisome than her unruly attraction to the rakish Duke, however, is his ability to draw out a stubbornness she never knew she possessed.

Alistair’s aunt has enlisted his assistance in finding her missing daughter. [Is her daughter one of the missing astronomers?] Thus far, his inquiries have met with dead ends, until a bundle of silk hurdles out of the darkness and into his arms. [How does a bundle of silk change things?]Evelyn's ability to penetrate his cool exterior is making him damned uncomfortable, both physically and emotionally. However, they'll need to learn to work together if there’s any hope of survival, let alone a happily ever after. [I had no idea they were in danger of not surviving. Who's the villain? What's going on?]

Andromeda’s Tear is a completed 90k word historical romance. I've been writing for ten years, and am a member of Romance Writers of America, Capital Region-RWA, and several on-line writers’ groups. I am also a reviewer for TCM Reviews, focusing on romance and erotica, and I maintain an active author web site, ________________ which currently draws more than 6,000 unique visits per month. My current work-in-progress is a dark paranormal.

The completed manuscript for Andromeda’s Tear is available upon your request. Thank your for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Regards,


Revised Version

Legend tells of a comet whose charted path is the key to discovering a priceless diamond known as Andromeda's Tear. 1845 marks the return of that comet--and the sudden disappearance of several members of the Ladies’ Astronomical Society.

Mild-mannered astronomer Evelyn Winningham is determined to investigate the disappearances of her colleagues. But when she gets too close to the truth, she is forced to flee the safety of her home--and runs headlong into the arms of Alistair Bainbridge, the infamous Duke of Winterset. Alistair’s aunt has enlisted his assistance in finding her daughter, one of the missing astronomers.

Evelyn develops an attraction for the Duke that is matched only by the stubbornness he brings out in her. Meanwhile, her ability to wheedle beneath his cool exterior is making Alistair damned uncomfortable, both physically and emotionally. Working together, they discover the astronomers are being used by the criminal mastermind known as The Silkworm to chart the comet's approach. But can they find The Silkworm before he finds . . . Andromeda's Tear?

Andromeda’s Tear is a completed 90k word historical romance. I am a member of Romance Writers of America, Capital Region-RWA, and several on-line writers’ groups. I am also a reviewer for TCM Reviews, focusing on romance and erotica, and I maintain an active author web site, ________________ which currently draws more than 6,000 unique visits per month.

Thank your for your time and consideration.


Notes

If you start by saying "The obsession of one man and the protection of another--she’ll need all her strength to survive them both..." you might want to mention both men in the query. I can't tell if Alistair's the Obsessor or the Protector. Likewise, if you mention the bundle of silk, you might explain its significance.

The sentences in the original didn't seem to build on each other strongly enough. There needs to be a logical progression of ideas. The revised version may not have all the facts right, but that should be easily remedied.

How many female astronomers are there in 1845 Winterset? This reminds me of the plot we had in which all the female porno film directors in Tennessee were being killed.