Face-Lift 243

Guess the Plot

Sari's Ashes

1. Two sexy archaeologists defy taboo and dig into the volcanic ash below Mt. Sari in search of buried temples -- until the angry mountain god awakes, determined to destroy them all.

2. In the world of Sari's Ashes, no one can break his word once he's given it. Needless to say, this world sucks, so a wizard tries to find a spell that will reverse the untenable situation.

3. The women's rights movement in the USA saw women burning their bras in protest. When women in India rise up and burn their saris, they cause quite a different kind of stir.

4. When a masked burglar steals the cookie tin filled with their pet's cremated remains, 11 year old twins Tim and Tom make a pact to get them back -- no matter what.

5. When they burned the ritual cloth, the smell was bad enough. But having to deal with the aftermath meant unleashing the Charwomen of Doom, wielding their deadly scrub brushes.

6. A buffoonish Boring-on-End cab driver unwittingly causes a twelve car pileup in front of the airport. Who could have predicted the chain of events he set in motion when the embers of his flicked cigarette blew into eyes of a doughty spinster in a primrose Jaguar?


Original Version

Dear Agent,

I am looking for representation for my fantasy novel, Sari’s Ashes. The manuscript is complete at 71,000 words, and I have a first draft of a sequel, Sari’s Tears. [Later will come Sari's Saliva, Sari's Urine, and Sari's Toenail Clippings.]

In some ways, an oath is a kind of magic, a prophecy we make and intend to fulfill. Our promises reach through time to snag some part of our future selves and compel our actions. Even then there is an element of choice, a decision we make to either hold to our oath or to break it. [Evil Editor once swore an oath never to eat pizza again; he has broken the oath at least once a week for the past thirty years.]

But what if we did not have that choice? In the world of Sari’s Ashes, swearing an oath is truly magic. The gods themselves force you to fulfill that oath, no matter the good or evil that might come of it. [At what point do the gods step in? Does your phone call to Domino's get redirected to Overeaters Anonymous? Do thieves hold up the delivery guy and take your pizza? Or do you get to see and smell the pizza before being compelled to stuff it down the garbage disposal? Are you allowed to scrape off the toppings and just eat them?]

Long ago the wizard Faulk made a rash oath to a master that pushed him to commit many vile deeds. [He vowed to become a used car salesman.] When his master died, Faulk dedicated his life to finding a spell that would once again allow people to choose whether to keep their word. [And thus was born the trillion-dollar divorce industry.] But when he severs the link between his world and the gods, he also cuts the ties that hold society together.

As a result, Niall, the assassin that failed to stop him, and Ilyena, the wizard’s daughter, [I would mention Niall's assassination attempt in the previous paragraph; then you can just call him Niall in this paragraph.] struggle with their new freedoms and choices in a world that is falling apart. As what they loved is destroyed, will they find the strength to build something new?

I have enclosed the first fifty pages and a complete synopsis of Sari’s Ashes. I hope this sample encourages you to read the rest of the manuscript.

Thank you for considering my request.

Sincerely,


Notes

Who or what is Sari?

I'd prefer less of the metaphysical/philosophical basis behind the story (and the vagueness), and more concrete facts about what happens. What was Faulk's rash oath? What vile deeds did he commit? How about an example or two of how the world is falling apart thanks to the new order.

Fifty pages is a lot to send on an initial contact. Presumably that's how much they ask that you send?