Face-Lift 240

Guess the Plot

Personal Demons

1. In a world of witchcraft, zombies, and therapy clinics run by soul-sucking creatures, a psychic therapist's life is in the hands of three demons named Malleus, Maleficarum, and Spud.

2. In an attempt to distinguish their store from all the rest, a Fifth Avenue boutique does away with personal shoppers and brings in Personal Demons. Hilarity ensues when the evil ones try to coordinate Dolce and Gabbano.

3. Becoming a demon master wasn't on the agenda for bridge night, but it's in the cards when intrepid Amelia Pettipants finds a gateway to Hell burgeoning in her basement. Will the bridge mix hold up to the heat?

4. Tom McClintock is put in a bad situation when his personals ad is accidentally truncated and his invitation to enjoy a "personal demonstration" draws interest from more than just the girls.

5. Janet Jones has given up cigarettes, beer, overeating, overspending, fast driving, worthless boyfriends, loud music, skimpy outfits, and blue eyeshadow, but can she surrender the ultimate demon--her cell phone?

6. Seeing a niche with self-serving baby boomers, Satan secretly modifies thousands of laptop computers by adding chips that disable the consciences of their users. Also, a rodeo clown!


Original Version

Dear Agent Wonderful,

PERSONAL DEMONS is a sexy urban fantasy novel. It is approximately 94,000 words long.

Therapist Megan Chase keeps her psychic abilities secret, but finds they come in handy in her work. When she's offered a job as host of her own radio show, Personal Demons, she's pleased to help people who never would have been able to become her patients before.

But her radio program puts Megan's life in serious danger. Personal demons really exist, and they believe the show's "slay your demons" concept is a threat. They plan to kill her, but not before terrorizing her a little first for fun. Knowing this, a mysterious man— [Mysterious man? Is this the mysterious man who lives on Miss Pettipants's street?] who is either a vicious demon, the hero Megan's been waiting for all her life, or possibly both—steps in. He wants to help her, but gaining the use of her powers in order to take over his demon "family" is a bonus he's counting on, too. Aside from trying his hardest to spend the night, he assigns her three demon bodyguards—Malleus, Maleficarum, and Spud, all of whom have a little trouble adjusting to this 'helping people' gig. On top of it all, the publicity has put her practice in jeopardy, [The publicity of having a radio show? Why, her practice should have tripled in size.] and she's being shadowed by a reporter with psychic abilities of his own— [Is there anyone in this book who doesn't belong in the X-Men?] and a very strong conviction that Megan is flirting with the wrong side of the Good vs. Evil battle. His questions force Megan to re-examine a tragedy she thought she left in her past—the death of a homeless man, who Megan was wrongfully suspected of murdering.

As Megan discovers a world she never knew existed—a world of demons who really sit on people's shoulders and convince them to do bad things, a world of witchcraft, zombies, [Zombies! Send me the complete manuscript, FedEx overnight.] and therapy clinics run by soul-sucking creatures of unspeakable evil, [She's psychic. Shouldn't she have known at least some of these things existed? Zombies and demons all around her, and she's using her powers to guess whether some card has a cross or wavy lines on it.] she must face not only the threat to her life but some of her own personal demons. Maybe those radio paychecks aren't big enough, after all.

PERSONAL DEMONS is a stand-alone novel, but I do have ideas for several more books using these characters [, especially Spud, who I see breaking out with his own self-help series and a cookbook,] and different characters in this universe. Under my pen name, [redacted], I've published three erotic romance short stories [Send me those, too. We don't publish them, but I need to get a handle on your body. Of work.] and a soon-to-be-released novel with [small publisher]. Another novel, a historical romance, was released by [medium publisher] and I recently sold an erotic romance novel to [fairly big publisher], as well.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Agent Wonderful,

PERSONAL DEMONS is a sexy urban fantasy novel. It is approximately 94,000 words long.

Therapist Megan Chase hosts a radio call-in show called Personal Demons, helping people who otherwise could never be her patients. But when it turns out that personal demons actually exist, and that they see the program's "slay your demons" catchphrase as a threat, Megan's life is suddenly in danger.

But Megan has a protector, a mysterious man who just might be the hero she's been waiting for all her life. He assigns her three klutzy demon bodyguards—Malleus, Maleficarum, and Spud—all of whom have trouble adjusting to their "helping people" gig. Megan isn't sure she'll survive their kind of help. And making matters worse, she begins to suspect that her hero may have his own self-serving motives for coming to her aid.

As Megan discovers a world she never knew existed—a world in which demons really sit on people's shoulders and convince them to lie, cheat and steal, she must deal with the threat to her life, with a reporter who insists on delving into her past, and with a few of her own personal demons. Maybe those radio paychecks aren't worth the price she's paying, after all.

PERSONAL DEMONS is a stand-alone novel, but I'm planning additional books using many of the same characters. Under my pen name, [redacted], I've published ________, a historical romance ([medium publisher]), and have sold two as-yet-unpublished novels to [fairly big publisher] and [small publisher]. Thank you.

Sincerely,


Notes

There were a few awkward sentences I was going to attempt to fix, but eliminating them was easier.

While I'm sure it's perfectly logical in the book that Megan is suspected of murdering a homeless guy, it seems far-fetched in the query, and it seemed to be out on an island by itself anyway. I also didn't see the need to bring up psychic powers. An editor might want to believe there's someone normal in the book. Of course the toughest decision was taking out the zombies. It killed me to take out the zombies. Are you sure there are zombies in the book? You didn't just throw them into the query to make Evil Editor happy?