Friday, December 15, 2006

Alexandra Dimsbury . . .


. . . demure young debutante of 19th-century England, was hoping to find her future husband in London this season. Here's all we know about her

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

She's a pretentious classics scholar who only speaks in Latin and Ancient Greek.

Hah!

Anonymous said...

Debutante by day, but biker chick by night! She looks great in chaps and a thong and obeys the commands of her old man without question. -JTC

M said...

She likes to tell people she's speaking Classical Latin, but in reality, she's just putting her own weird twist on Vulgar Latin.


(here's to hoping I didnt spam this twice)

Bernita said...

Surveying the lastest style of evening gown from Worth, she'd give her famous pearls for a simple Bic razor.

Anonymous said...

Since all her friends must find a husband, so must Alex find a man. But as long as she's in London, she decides to have fun with it, and she is staying with friends who discuss similar choices made under pressure.

writtenwyrdd said...

A slave to fashion, the young Miss wears clothing that could most accurately described as "wearing a wedding cake". The frilly designs seem to attract small dogs who bite and sticky children. Little to the neighbors know...she likes small dogs and sticky children. They are excellent with horseradish.

Her dark secret? Cherry striped stockings under her gown. They hide the tatoos she received when crewing the pirate vessel in the Carribbean. She went by the name of Jackie Sprunghinge for a couple of years there. Then she saw the error of her ways (and the approaching British Naval vessel) and jumped into a gown, claimed she'd been captive, and Bob's yer uncle, was brought back to Britain to live serenely in the village of Beyond-the-Bend, Hampsire. The villagers wonder how the supposed heiress can live so sumptuously when they all knew Squire Biggsby's gambling habit had seen the estate mortgaged to the hilt.

The other dark secret is her worship of Korlach the Magnificent. He got her out of the piracy experiment in one piece; the least she can do is serve Him (small dogs and sticky children.)

She hates vegetables, feeling that they must be unhealthy, since they are green. Small children and dogs are much more nutritious. After all, what's good enough for Korlach is good enough for her.

Anonymous said...

She's fascinated by politics but she rarely brings up the topic for fear of discovering that her friends are idiots.

Alexandra has six toes on her left foot.

Rei said...

Alexandra is two-faced. Not literally, of course; that was her second cousin who the family had shipped off to the countryside so that he wouldn't embarass the family. No, Alexandra is the kind of person who will be the kindest person in the world to you when you're around, and then stab you in the back when you're not looking. She doesn't do it because she hates you. It's just a compulsive habit.

To complicate matters is that her imagination for ways to ruin people's lives is nearly limitless. In the past month alone, she:

* Paid off a St. Giles beggar to pose as her best friends' fiance's male lover.
* Paid a merchant to import rare Indian Orchid Beetles so that she could introduce them to her aunt's greenhouse.
* Coated the gold of her neighbor's cherished necklace for the debutante ball with mercury from a thermometer, making it look like silver.
* Hired a servant to purchase opium pipes from Jacob's Island and scatter them around the Harpshire's manor, mere hours before Constable Morris arrived for tea.

Little does Alexandra know, she is possessed by Bhumaran, God of Bad Karma, who has chosen her as an avatar. But even Bhumaran doesn't know that the fates have directed her on a collision course with the man of her dreams, who is possessed by Bhumaran's arch nemesis: Deva, Goddess of Serendipity.

Anonymous said...

She's obsessed with her posture.

Kate Thornton said...

She has a high pitched voice,but she's as strong as an ox. She once met Arthur Conan Doyle at H.P. Lovecraft's place and they all smoked some excellent opium. She bicycles around town but can drive a roadster when necessary.

Her husband-hunting adventures have so far failed to produce anything maritally viable, and that pinch-nosed inbred son of a duke is starting to look good.

Marissa Doyle said...

Miss Dimsbury (she's the eldest daughter) secretly devours three-volume novels when she's supposed to be reading "Fordyce's Sermons". She's especially fond of "The Mysteries of Udolpho" and corresponds with her cousin Angela about it...though she was scandalized when her two younger sisters absconded with it and were found in the linen closet, breathlessly reading it by the light of a candle stub. Latin and Greek are considered too taxing for most young female minds, but Miss Dimsbury did convince her brother, who was down from Oxford, to translate some of the more salacious bits of Ovid's Metamophoses for her.

Miss Dimsbury is very vain of her white, slender hands and has an enormous collection of gloves and fans. Indeed, she's so vain about them that she sometimes leaves her gloves off at balls when she should be wearing them. But she's in despair over her thick ankles and has her dressmaker make sure her dresses are cut slightly longer than is the fashion. She and Angela practice the art of genteel flirting whenever they're together, and she has perfected her delicate blush and trembling eyelashes so well that she can do them at will. However, what she's supposed to do with a young man once he's entranced is still a total mystery, and one just doesn't like to ask one's mother about something like that.

She's not as good a dancer as she thinks she is, though she loves the German valse.

Bernita said...

She has a maid named Abigail.
Also a chimney sweep.

xiqay said...

Her maid, and occasionally the butler, disappear for bits of time, filling in as pirate crew, with tips from Miss Dimsbury and thanks to her connections.

But Miss Dimsbury has lately decided to disconnect from her past, to more effectively pass as a demure "young" debutante.

She's also started to worry because she's not so young as she once was, and now past the half-way mark of her 20's, the need for a husband has become overwhelming.

Her requirements in a husband are wealth, family, and some perverseness, because she does not appreciate the boredom of smooth sailing.

Wonderwood said...

She's a closet dominatrix, and secretly believes she could whip Morlach into submission and have him whimpering like a puppy.

Wonderwood said...

er,ah, Kohrlach, that is...

iago said...

At different parties, or maybe at the same one, she has slept with both a Lawyer and a God of the Dark Realm; but for the life of her, she can't remember their names.

Deschanel said...

She likes Mozart, Voltaire, and sodomy. Occasionally she beats her governess with a bag of oranges.

On her wedding night she'll blame "horseback riding" for her vanished maidenhead.

Loves popping bubble-wrap.