Face-Lift 142

Guess the Plot

Short Timer

1. The dynamite set, Eleanor Priddle ponders the meaning of life in her remaining two seconds.

2. It is Garrett McCarthy's lifelong dream to be an official timekeeper for the Olympic marathon, and he is determined not to let his dwarfism keep him from achieving it.

3. The story of Sid Charles, sentenced to three to five years for armed robbery, whose records get mixed with those of a death row prisoner.

4. Detective Grant has only a short time before retirement when the biggest case of his career falls into his lap--someone has murdered the Loch Ness monster.

5. Celebrity chef Drake Cutter accidentally uncovers a scheme to assassinate the first female U.S. President. Can he and his sexy sous-chef save the President, armed only with a creme brulee torch and an egg timer?

6. She's a six-foot-six center in the WNBA. He's the home team's five-foot tall clock manager with a giant crush. Will he fudge the timekeeping of the championship game to win her love?


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor:

Detective Sergeant George Grant just wanted to mark time for ten more days. He and the Missus had a nice little Guest House all picked out for their retirement. The last thing he wanted for his final case was the murder of the century. [Murder of the century? Who's the victim? A movie star? A senator? The Pope?]

An elephant-sized reptilian carcass with flippers and a long tail has washed up on the banks of the Loch at Inverness. And its head is missing. [The victim in the murder of the century is a fish?] [How do they know it didn't die of natural causes, wash ashore, and then someone cut off its head?]

Trapped in a media frenzy, DS Grant is as shocked as TV viewers the world over to discover that the creature is not a hoax. Every byline in the literate world shares the same lead: Where is the head of the Loch Ness Monster?

The mystery will lead DS Grant to Veterinarian Gwynneth McInnes. Her doctor, and the police, dismissed her semi-conscious ramblings about being abducted by an elderly local bridge club as a product of her recent concussion. But Dr. McInnes’ story is supported by one crucial bit of evidence: DNA at the bridge club’s hostess’ house matches the creature.

[Cop: Open up. Police .
Bridge club hostess: Yes, what is it officer?
Cop: We have a search warrant. We'll be collecting DNA samples, ma'am.
Bridge club hostess: Goodness. What are you looking for?
Cop: The severed head of the Loch Ness monster, ma'am.]

[Gwynneth: I was abducted by some bridge players.
Officer #1: We don't believe you. If only you had proof.
Officer #2 (bursting into room): Joe, DNA from the Loch Ness monster has just turned up.
Officer#1: Where?
Officer#2: In the home of a bridge player.
Officer #1: Hmm. This can't possibly be a coincidence.]

[It's obvious what's going on. The elderly bridge players caught the Loch Ness monster and were keeping it in the hostess's swimming pool. After the monster ate the pool boy and three neighbors, they decided people would get suspicious, so they abducted the veterinarian, drugged her, and forced her to sever the head of the monster. They then dumped the carcass in the Loch, and are keeping the head alive in a hot tub, in hopes of attaching it to the body of a more manageable animal, say a giant panda.]

[If Gwynneth's story was dismissed by the police, then why are they taking DNA samples from the bridge club's hostess's home?]

The angry American-émigré daughter of one of the elderly card sharps cannot account for her whereabouts on the night of the “murder.” [They know when the carcass washed ashore; do they actually know the day and time it was "murdered?"] [Killing the Loch Ness monster isn't murder, even if you put quotation marks around it.] If DS Grant can discover the motive for this bizarre act of mother-daughter rebellion, [What bizarre act of mother-daughter rebellion? All you've said is that the daughter couldn't account for her whereabouts at whatever time they think the monster's head was cut off.] he will solve the highest-rated TV news mystery of all time, locate the head of the monster, and unveil the face that has frustrated and fascinated conspiracy theorists and novelty-hunters for hundreds of years. [Actually, the monster's appearance has been known for some time: Loch Ness Live Cam.]

Short Timer is a completed 90,000 word speculative murder mystery, [Does a human being get murdered in the book? Because mystery fans may not care who killed a giant crocodile.] and my first novel. I am ready to work as hard as necessary to build a platform. [Are you starting a political party, or taking up high diving?] A partial or full is ready. Thank you for your attention.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Evil Editor:

Detective Sergeant George Grant just wanted to mark time for ten more days. He and the Missus had a nice little guest house all picked out for their retirement. The last thing he wanted for his final assignment was the case of the century. An elephant-sized reptilian carcass with flippers and a long tail has washed up on the banks of the Loch at Inverness. And its head is missing.

Trapped in a media frenzy, Grant is as shocked as TV viewers the world over to discover that the creature is not a hoax. Every news report on three continents leads with the same story: Where is the head of the Loch Ness Monster?

When evidence unexpectedly leads to a local bridge club, Grant fears he's reached a dead end. Can he solve the highest-rated TV news mystery of all time and locate the head of the monster? If so, he'll unveil a face that has eluded scientists, fascinated conspiracy theorists and beguiled curiosity seekers for hundreds of years.

Short Timer is a completed 90,000-word mystery. A partial or full is available upon request. Thank you for your attention.

Sincerely


Notes

Much of the plot seems improbable, but we'll trust the author to have logical explanations for everything in the book. Those plot points that cry out for explanations in the query are often best left out of the query if those explanations aren't included.