Face-Lift 164

Guess the Plot

The Yearbook

1. Burt Parge keeps his personal notes on a girlie calendar in the garage. Will a gift from his wife change that bad habit? Or will the Metropolitan Museum of Art Gift Shop get one more floral diary back?

2. One by one the graduating class of Millard Fillmore High is found slashed, their blood drained by vampires, as the yearbook, once a precious keepsake, has become a grocery list.

3. Rebecca had a huge crush on Luke during the one year they attended the same high school. Nothing came of it then, but thirty years later their paths cross again. And . . . Luke doesn't even remember Rebecca.

4. A killer is stalking the students of Elmwood High, indicating his next victims by posting bloodied yearbook pages around campus. Now Marcia Sloan has to find out who's doing it, and why, before she becomes Most Likely To Die Next.

5. For World Almanac editor Miles Arcana, it seems too good to be true: Millicent Small is not only beautiful and really into him, her hobby is memorizing the annual inflation-adjusted GDP of every country on Earth. Is she all she seems, or just a mole from the World Book of Facts?

6. Europia executes all citizens on their 30th birthday - unless they provide society with a Great Work. William West, a novelist who's never completed anything, just turned 29. Will a deadline help him?


Original Version

Dear Agent,

Two former students of a small American school in Mallorca [Mallorca? Sounds like a shopping center for whales.] accidentally meet thirty years later, igniting a relationship that hadn't yet begun in 1974. [Actually, it still hasn't begun if this is the first they've seen of each other in thirty years.]

Luke, a widowed father on assignment in Toronto, [What does that mean? Is he a sports reporter assigned to cover the Blue Jays?] meets Rebecca as she brings her young son to the city for chemotherapy treatments. They had attended the same school in Mallorca for one year, but Luke at first fails to remember her. [Most people, of course, have vivid memories of people they barely knew thirty years ago.] After their impromptu reunion, they meet for lunch on a regular basis. They form a bond [Huh? Oh, I thought you said they form a band.] as Luke supports Rebecca in her fight against her son's illness, Neuroblastoma. [That would be a good name for a killer band.] As the months pass, Luke grows to admire the feisty woman, and struggles to understand why he had never noticed Rebecca in his youth. [Let's not toss the word "struggle" around too lightly. She was there one school year, and he probably already had a girlfriend.]

Rebecca had had a secret crush on Luke during the year in Spain, and the unexpected meeting triggers many memories. She vividly recalls the winter of 1974-1975 in Mallorca, [Vividly? I can't even remember last winter.] when she had first arrived as a shy teenager. Her experiences and lasting friendships had helped her emerge as a confident young woman. The only thing missing was Luke, a handsome, brash young man with a complete circle of friends and a girlfriend of his own. [Aha! I knew it.]

Rebecca's memories provide snapshots of life in 1970's Spain. Although it was a turbulent time, the students had lived an insulated life on the beautiful island, a life far removed from post-Vietnam North America.

At 75,000 words, The Yearbook is a mainstream novel that could be defined as an inspirational love story. Joy and sorrow intertwine as Luke and Rebecca struggle to understand the fickle nature of her son's disease. Both of their children provide a simple outlook on life and death that we adults tend to lose over time. [I hate trying to get laughs when the story's about a kid with cancer. Anybody got a zombie pirate story?]

According to your submission guidelines, I have provided an SASE and the first three chapters. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Regards,


Revised Version

Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for a 75,000-word novel entitled The Yearbook. It's a love story involving two single parents, Luke and Rebecca, who attended school together in 1974 on the island of Mallorca and who chance to meet thirty years later, in Toronto.

Rebecca is bringing her young son to the city for chemotherapy treatments when she encounters Luke, who fails at first to remember her. After their impromptu reunion, they meet for lunch on a regular basis, forming a bond as Luke supports Rebecca in her fight against her son's illness, Neuroblastoma. As the months pass, Luke grows to admire the feisty woman, and wonders why he never noticed her in school.

Rebecca had a crush on Luke during her year in Spain, and the unexpected meeting triggers fond memories. Her experiences and lasting friendships in Mallorca helped transform her from a shy teenager into a confident young woman. The only thing missing from her life then was Luke, a handsome, brash young man with a complete circle of friends--including a girlfriend of his own.

The Yearbook intertwines joy and sorrow as Luke and Rebecca struggle to deal with the fickle nature of her son's disease, and as both of their children provide a simple outlook on life and death, an outlook that adults tend to lose with time.

In accordance with your submission guidelines, I have provided an SASE and the first three chapters. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Regards,


Notes

It was okay, though I think it needed polishing and weeding out of the junk.