Face-Lift 165

Guess the Plot

The Shattered Dome

1. As the shuttle streaks toward the domed cities of Mars, crack pilot Ralph O'Bannon cuts the thrusters. But not soon enough.

2. Norbert Poindexter's fussy habits are almost as well-known as his shiny bald head. But his holiday at Miss Turdle's B & B is cut short when he questions her housekeeping habits while she is cleaning out the fireplace.

3. As the dome surrounding her farm decays, Juliet must decide whether it's better to stay and starve, or follow her neighbors to the domed cities on the moon.

4. Terrorists have blown up the Capitol with a remote-control aircraft. Can a young Congressional intern find her way through the wreckage of the tunnels and save the vice-president?

5. The Dome is all that protects the colony from deadly radiation. Installing a satellite dish on it's fragile surface would risk catastrophe - yet the colonists yearn to discover the outcome of Big Brother 6789.

6. Two small time crooks barely getting by in quarantined post-Third World War Washington, D.C. mug a visitor to a shady gentleman's club and end up with a high-tech weapon and a way out of the city.



Original Version

Dear Agent Orange:

The Royal Republic of the Southern Moon faces a crisis. Some of the provinces are nearing revolt, dangerous anarchists are burning down crops, [Of all the ways to destroy crops, one would think burning would be the last method chosen on the moon, where all oxygen would be man-made and precious.] the trade balance with Earth is worsening, [Earth is tired of sending up Tostitos and DVDs and sushi, and getting back nothing but moon rocks. We've got moon rocks out the wazoo.] and the Northern Federation has begun to grow more powerful and unstable. Is the only way out of this dilemma to start a war, while it can still be won?

David Cruz sure hopes not. He’s an East American corporal, posted to the moon as part of a growing but still secret military commitment. [The military is committed to protecting the government's share of the vast natural resources on the moon. Specifically, rocks.] He goes where his country tells him to go, [but he wasn't supposed to take it literally when his sergeant told him to go to the moon.] but is less than eager to have his first combat experience involve dying on a far-off rock, defending corrupt allies in a war that means nothing to him. [When it's so much easier to stay on Earth and do the same thing.] And with everyone back home pretending the coming war isn’t happening at all, David just hopes he will still be able to respect himself when it’s over.

For Juliet Engel, the problems of the coming war are even more basic. Her ex-fiancé Nathaniel has joined the army, and one by one her neighbors all follow suit. This leaves her alone on her farm in a slowly decaying dome, forced to deal with shrinking harvests [One way to deal with shrinking harvests: put your farm outdoors, so the crops can get rain and sunlight. Just a suggestion.] and rapacious war profiteers, and to discover--the hard way--whether she will starve, go mad, or survive.

The Shattered Dome is a completed 85,000-word science fiction novel which tells the history of the Great Lunar War through the eyes of its participants. We meet eight principal diarists, across a spectrum of Lunar and Terran society, whose lives cross in unexpected ways, and whose personal stories become threads in the fabric of the larger tragedy. Using these diaries and other primary-source documents, such as letters, memoirs, court transcripts, newspaper stories, headlines, songs, screeds, [Congratulations! It took almost four months, but someone finally said the secret word. Screeds. Now I have to come up with a new one.] and poems, [You forgot rock operas and obituaries.] the novel creates a society on the verge of tearing itself apart. [These screeds etc. sound like the kind of stuff you'd need if the war were long over. Up until now it felt like you were telling the story as it happened.] It’s a society where the destruction of a dome—leading to the certain asphyxiation of an entire city—can go from being an unthinkable crime to representing the necessary price of peace.

I’ve enclosed the first ten pages for your perusal, [Amazing. This time it took only nine seconds for someone to say the secret word.] and a return envelope for your reply. Thank you very much for your consideration.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Agent Orange:

The Royal Republic of the Southern Moon faces a crisis. Some of the provinces are nearing revolt, anarchists are destroying crops, and the Northern Federation has begun to grow more powerful and unstable. Is the only way out of this dilemma to start a war, while it still can be won?

David Cruz sure hopes not. He’s an East American corporal, posted to the moon as part of a growing but secret military commitment. He's less than eager for his first combat experience to involve dying on a far-off rock, defending corrupt allies in a war that means nothing to him.

For Juliet Engel, the problems of the coming war are even more basic. Alone on her farm in a slowly decaying dome, she must deal with shrinking harvests and rapacious war profiteers, and discover--the hard way--whether she will starve, go mad, or survive.

The Shattered Dome is a completed 85,000-word science fiction novel which tells the history of the Great Lunar War through eight of its participants. Using diaries and other primary-source documents, such as letters, memoirs, and newspaper stories, the novel depicts a society on the verge of tearing itself apart. It’s a society where the destruction of a dome—leading to the certain asphyxiation of an entire city—can be an unthinkable crime . . . or the price of peace.

I’ve enclosed the first ten pages for your perusal, and a return envelope for your reply. Thank you very much for your consideration.

Sincerely,


Notes

It takes a lot of people and a lot of weapons to have a war. And it takes a lot of air and water to support a lot of people. Presumably you've covered these obvious objections to a Lunar War.

I'm tempted to suggest that if we actually somehow set up domed cities on the moon, it's unlikely they would go to war with each other, especially as they would have to stay in their domes to breathe, but mankind being one of the stupider species in the galaxy, I wouldn't put it past them.

It might be good if the characters you choose to mention (David and Juliet) are two whose lives cross in an unexpected way. If these two never meet, maybe you should choose two who do, giving the impression that there's unity to the book, that it's not eight independent stories. If the lives of David and Juliet cross, can that be worked in? Maybe it's not necessary, but it might be worth looking at.