Face-Lift 153

Guess the Plot

Dennis Hopper Unauthorized

1. From Hollywood to Bollywood, from Pinewood to Cine Citta, a look at international cinema and the one rule they all have in common.

2. What he doesn't want you to know: Hopper puts the milk in before the tea; he loves Siamese kittens; and his dialogue in Blue Velvet was dubbed because he refuses to utter the "F" word on screen.

3. Mrs. Schuler's memoir of the year that little hooligan terrorized her second-grade class: sneaking off to the bathroom to smoke, chewing gum in class, murdering Johnny Barnes. Hollywood star, hah! Has he ever earned as much per film as that nice Tom Hanks?

4. Doing drugs with James Dean, hitting the sheets with Natalie Wood, becoming a Republican--it's all here and more in this tell-all bio of a rebel's rebel.

5. Bobby's mom was a groupie who lived the wild life - until one drug-fueled night with Dennis Hopper left her pregnant and alone. Armed with a copy of his mom's home movies, Bobby sets off on an odyssey to confront Hopper and discover the truth about his mom.

6. TSA thought they had their hands full when Teddy Kennedy showed up on the No-Fly List. They hadn't seen anything yet.


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor:

Actor and director Dennis Hopper has survived enough personal and professional catastrophes [Not the least of which was his agreeing to appear in Meet the Deedles.] to become a one-man Hollywood Babylon. Hopper’s memoir will be published by Little, Brown in 2008. While Hopper promises the usual revelations and candor, we know that his book will follow the road taken by so many celebrities before him and be an exercise in revising, editing, and burnishing his star image. [We know this? If the guy's been a rebel throughout his career, how can we be so sure he won't go against the grain now?]

That’s why I’m proposing Dennis Hopper Unauthorized: The Wild Ride of a Hollywood Rebel. Based on extensive research, including published interviews with Hopper and his colleagues, Dennis Hopper Unauthorized will be an unfiltered, no-holds-barred look at his tumultuous, talented, and troubled life and 50 years in show business. Dennis Hopper Unauthorized will be 70,000 words long and contain 20 black and white photos. The book will reveal, among many things:

• How an eighteen-year-old Hopper ended his first Hollywood meeting by telling studio chief Harry Cohn, “Go fuck yourself.” [You've pretty much just revealed it.] [One wonders what he'll say if you attempt to get an interview with him for this book.]

• Hopper’s role in the incredible backstory of making Rebel Without a Cause, where he clashed with Nicholas Ray when both carried on affairs with a teenage Natalie Wood. [Interestingly, William Hopper, who played Paul Drake on Perry Mason, was also in Rebel Without a Cause. I have no inside information on whether he, too, had an affair with Natalie Wood.] [Then again, who didn't have an affair with Natalie Wood?] [If you can come up with evidence that Dennis Hopper killed Natalie Wood, I think you've got a winner.]

• How Hopper smoked reefers and took peyote with James Dean and how their friendship nearly destroyed Hopper’s career. [Yeah, blame it on a guy who's not around to defend himself. Way to go, Hopper.]

• How Hopper created Easy Rider, which toppled the studio system, ushered in the ‘70s film renaissance and foresaw today’s independent film movement. [I liked that movie when it came out. Tried to watch it again recently, and couldn't even keep my eyes open.]

• How Hopper overcame decades of alcoholism and drug addiction, resurrected his career and became a Republican. [Republicans will welcome anyone into the fold, even someone they once used in their attack ads. I still remember the highly effective anti-Jimmy Carter ad that went, A vote for Carter is a vote for the party of Fidel Castro, Lee Harvey Oswald, and Dennis Hopper.]

I have written about movies for Playboy, CineFan, Crime Magazine, Filmfax, and Spiked; and reviewed laserdiscs for Video Theater, where I served as associate editor (1988-1992). I have also written for PICO-Laptops and Portables, PC Laptop Computers Magazine, and Smart TV & Sound. As a computer consultant, I was one of the most popular guests on Los Angeles radio station KIEV’s program "Executive Money."

I would appreciate the opportunity to send you my book proposal for Dennis Hopper Unauthorized. Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Evil Editor:

Actor and director Dennis Hopper has survived enough personal and professional catastrophes to become a one-man Hollywood Babylon. Hopper’s memoir will be published by Little, Brown in 2008, and while he promises revelations and candor, we know how often celebrity memoirs prove to be mere exercises in revising, editing, and burnishing their star images.

That’s why I’m proposing Dennis Hopper Unauthorized: The Wild Ride of a Hollywood Rebel. Based on extensive research, including published interviews with Hopper and his colleagues, Dennis Hopper Unauthorized will be an unfiltered, no-holds-barred look at a tumultuous, talented, and troubled life and 50 years in show business. The book will be 70,000 words long and will include 20 black and white photos.

Dennis Hopper Unauthorized will reveal:

• What drove an eighteen-year-old Hopper to end his first Hollywood meeting by telling studio chief Harry Cohn, “Go fuck yourself.”

• Hopper’s role in the incredible backstory of making Rebel Without a Cause, where he clashed with Nicholas Ray when both carried on affairs with a teenaged Natalie Wood.

• How his friendship with James Dean nearly destroyed Hopper's career.

• The details behind Hopper's producing Easy Rider, which ushered in the '70s film renaissance and spawned today’s independent film movement.

• How Hopper overcame decades of alcoholism and drug addiction, resurrected his career and became a Republican.

• My theory on how Hopper was responsible for the deaths of Natalie Wood, James Dean and Humphrey Bogart, and why Keanu Reeves had better watch his ass.

I have written about movies for Playboy, CineFan, Crime Magazine, Filmfax, and Spiked; and reviewed laserdiscs for Video Theater, where I served as associate editor (1988-1992). I would appreciate the opportunity to send you my book proposal for Dennis Hopper Unauthorized. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,


Notes

I see no big problems here. It'll boil down to whether the publisher or agent believes you are the person most qualified to write the book, and whether you have anything to say that isn't already in other books--and won't be in Hopper's book.

I assume you've had no personal contact with Dennis Hopper, as you would have mentioned this in the query.