Face-Lift 158

Guess the Plot

Forever Young

1. Samantha Young wakes up one morning with amnesia. She discovers that she and the other children of Eternity, Maine, have been here 350 years, thanks to the nearby Fountain of Youth.

2. Dick Clark watches as the sparkling ball descends in Times Square, or rather, what's left of it after the Second Intergalactic War. But no matter - even if the human race did cease using the old calendar 900 years ago, this will still be a Rockin' New Year's Eve.

3. Her marriage to Jonathan Young had ended, her life was in shambles, and the children blamed her. To top it off, Louisa's efforts to change her name seemed constantly undermined by Jonathan's powerful judicial friends. It seemed she was destined to be...forever Young.

4. When Mildred Mulder tries a new anti-aging miracle cream, she slathers on a double dose. After all, she could really use an overnight miracle. But more isn't always better as the infant Mildred and her horrified husband discover.

5. He meant to write "forever yours" at the close of his love letter to Melanie. When he penned "forever young," he doomed her to an early grave. Now he wanders the world, guilt-ridden and morose, too afraid to write another word, until he meets the perfect editor.

6. Fifteen surgeries, sixty-eight spa treatments and about a gallon of botox later, Kitty finally has her perfectly youthful face. Unfortunately, her friends will never know, as she has been kidnapped by conspiracy theorists and held as proof of alien life.



Original Version

Eight-year-old Samantha Young wakes up one morning with no memory of who she is or how she ended up in the village of Eternity, Maine. [Evil Editor woke up one morning with no idea what he was doing on his neighbor's roof.] Adding to her confusion is that all but three of Eternity’s residents are children. [Not exactly meaningful until you tell us how many of them are children. Three adults and five children wouldn't be weird.] None of them remember their parents either or how long they’ve lived in Eternity.

Samantha does her best to fit in with the other children in this strange town, but finds it impossible. While the other children blindly accept ditzy Miss Brigham’s lectures on the dangers of the outside world, Samantha questions her teacher until she ends up locked in a dark closet as punishment. While the others sit quietly to eat their meager lunches at recess, [They're allowed to eat their lunch at recess? What happens at lunch?] Samantha runs and plays until running into the frightening chief of police, Jonas Pryde. And while the other girls are content to sew, bake, and clean after school, [It's The Stepford Daughters.] Samantha would rather chop firewood and trap rabbits with the boys, which earns her a stern lecture from Eternity’s founder, Reverend Francis Crane.

She further incurs the reverend’s wrath by effortlessly picking the lock to the town archives in an attempt to find clues to her past. Among the ancient papers, she finds evidence that the children of Eternity [Maybe that should be your title. There are a million books called Forever Young.] have been kept imprisoned by the reverend for over 350 years. The only way for Samantha to free herself and the other children is to confront Reverend Crane and his henchman Chief Pryde at the source of their power—the fabled Fountain of Youth itself. [Which is next door to the nexus of time travel itself.] [Hey! Evil Editor does the jokes here.] [Which is next door to the nexus of time travel itself.]

Forever Young is the first of a four-part series of supernatural-themed mysteries for young adult readers that follows Samantha as she struggles with growing up and uncovering the truth about her past. [Not sure exactly what your definition of "young adults" is, but a book about an eight-year-old struggling with growing up may not appeal to them.] The complete 50,000-word manuscript is available upon request. Thanks for your time.


Revised Version

Eight-year-old Samantha Young awakens one morning with no memory of who she is or how she got to the village of Eternity, Maine. Adding to her confusion: all but three of Eternity’s residents are children, none of whom remembers their parents or how long they’ve lived in Eternity.

Samantha does her best to fit in with the other children in this strange town, but finds that all of the other children blindly accept ditzy Miss Brigham’s lectures on the dangers of the outside world. The girls are content to sew, bake, and clean after school, while Samantha would rather chop firewood and trap rabbits with the boys--which earns her a stern lecture from Eternity’s founder, Reverend Francis Crane.

She further incurs the reverend’s wrath by picking the lock to the town archives, seeking clues to her past. Among the records she discovers evidence that the children of Eternity have been imprisoned by the reverend for over 350 years. The only way for Samantha to free herself and the other children is to confront Reverend Crane at the source of his power—the fabled Fountain of Youth itself.

Forever Young is the first of a four-part series of supernatural mysteries for young adults that will follow Samantha as she struggles with growing up and uncovering the truth about her past. The complete 50,000-word manuscript is available upon request. Thanks for your time.


Notes

Okay, the children have been waking up in this town for 350 years. Since about 1650. Do they have amnesia, or has it been so long that they've forgotten everything? Is this the first morning they've awakened with amnesia, or do they always have no idea who they are? If they always have amnesia, does Samantha always question the situation, or has she been a Stepford girl until this day? If the latter, why is she suddenly questioning authority? If the former, why did it take her 350 years to decide to look in the archives? Is Samantha new in town? Why don't the adults have amnesia? The situation is interesting, I just want a couple more pieces of information, because some of it doesn't quite add up.