Caption: AngieYour caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.
Why you don't get published.
Friday, July 09, 2010
Success Story
Rachel reports publication of her story "The Voice" here.
The opening appeared on this blog as New Beginning 680 and later as NB 763.
Rachel credits her success to the minions' brilliant feedback.
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Face-Lift 793
Guess the Plot
Ancient Magic
1. Some magic is pure energy, other pure art. Then there's pure love, the oldest magic of all, the hardest to master, and . . . do I have to tell you what a heap of cliches this book is?
2. Gwyn has been abducted by the Go'el Kadien, and only the sorceress Arowen can help him master the magic of the Ancients and save the Ryhzan king from a nefarious plot. Also, other names and places created from random letters and apostrophes.
3. JEOPARDY! Betty knows it's in the bag when she sees the Daily Double answer under the "Literature" category: Ancient Magic. "What is the plot device for every YA novel known to man, Alex?!" A rags-to-riches story about a woman who utilizes the knowledge she has gained from her time in a cult called "the Minions."
4. Timmy always thought that all magic was, well, magic. However, here he was, researching book after book looking for what the old sage called 'ancient magic'. Within a translation of Babylonian text, a simple number progression puzzle produces a riddle: a loud voice saying, to Timmy’s amusement, “Knock, knock”.
5. At Happyvale Assisted Living Center, retired wizard Milton Hardcastle takes up Tai Chi, watercolor, and crossword puzzles. Then ancient magic rises up to threaten the Earth, and Milton alone knows how to fight it. But he needs the help of Fran across the hall, whose memory is fading fast.
6. All you young whippersnappers with your Harry Potters and your expellariamuses. In my day we got magic the old fashioned way, with live sacrifices and selling our souls to the devils and that was good enough for us, gosh darnit. Err, kids these days.
Original Version
For the last thousand years, the tranquil Kingdom of Ryhzan has been protected by the Go'el, an elite team of peace-keeping warriors who adhere to the highest moral code, accept only those who can withstand the years of training, and answer only to the King.
Unfortunately, the King has lately been too distracted by the illness of his beloved Queen to realize there is evil encroaching into his Kingdom's borders, reaching all the way to his Court. And while the Go'el are trying their best to keep peace and order, they are, in the end, still human, bound by their code. [This seems to imply that being bound by their code makes it impossible to effectively fight evil. Being bound by the highest moral code should give free reign to evil fighters.]
Fifteen year old Gwyn doesn't know about any of that. All he cares about is he's been taken away from his remote forest hut by Kadien, an eighth-degree member of the Royal Go'el, [I've always wondered whether the apostrophes in fantasy names stand for letters, the way the one in "they've" stands for "ha" or the one in "you'll" stands for "wi." Does the apostrophe in "Go'el stand for "og"? Because if your hero is abducted by Googel, you've got a winner.] who sees Gwyn's potential and takes him to be schooled inside the Palace. [The trouble with being schooled by Googel is that you can't separate the knowledge from the advertising propaganda.] Now Gwyn must learn his place inside the King's Court and answer to people who don't necessarily care about his happiness.
But Gwyn's got a bigger problem: there's magic within him, a power not seen since the time of the Ancients, the supernatural predecessors to the Go'el. [So the potential Kadian saw in Gwyn wasn't magic, but just potential to work for Googel?] But they mysteriously disappeared over a thousand years ago, and now the only one who can help Gwyn control his power before it drives him mad is Arowen, the Royal Sorceress, who dresses like a child's glitter-and-glue project gone wrong and is perhaps not quite sane herself.
With his magical abilities, Gwyn is called upon to find a way to save the dying Queen. Only it's not a cure he finds, but a nefarious plot to take over the entire Kingdom, and it's up to Gwyn to find out who's behind it all and stop him before it's too late.
Ancient Magic is a YA Fantasy novel, complete at 89,000 words.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Notes
After the setup, I would reorganize the next three paragraphs into something like these two:
Fifteen year old Gwyn doesn't know about any of that. All he knows is he's been abducted by Googel, who sees Gwyn's potential and takes him to be schooled inside the Palace. There's magic within Gwyn, a power not seen since the time of the Ancients.
Gwyn is called upon to save the dying Queen and to defeat the evil threatening to destroy the kingdom. There's just problem: the only one who can teach Gwyn to control his power before it drives him mad is Arowen, the Royal Sorceress--who may be mad herself.
It sounds like standard fantasy, and the one thing you've given us that might set it apart is the sorcerer being trained by a mad sorceress, so ending with that gives you more oomph than ending with the boring He must find out who's behind it all and stop him before it's too late.
The name Arowyn sounds a lot like Eowyn from Lord of the Rings.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
New Beginning 765
The old subway station was like an art gallery for abandoned rusty signs. Nailed across the grimy wall in one snaky line were “No littering,” “No smoking,” “No urinating,” “No magic,” and, for some reason, “No cameras.”
A herd of beggars set up camp beneath all this as they stubbed out cigarettes and pissed in a corner.
Wish I had a cellphone, thought Misha. I’d take a picture.
She had to wonder where all these beggars came from, what their stories were. They could be soldiers, crippled by a long-forgotten war, or men who had gone bankrupt and lost their jobs and families during the IMF, or even demons in disguise, just wanting to feel the slightest bit human.
Either way, she belonged to a different world: the edge of the platform, with the officer workers, the schoolgirls, the taxpayers who waited for the train and ignored the bums like a brown smear on the wall no one wanted to wipe. A drunk paced back and forth between the two sides like a confused bat, unsure of whether to join the birds or the mammals.
She decided to ignore him, oblivious as a blinkered dray horse standing in traffic. She just wanted to take the next train out of there, to get back where she belonged.
She sighed, and edged closer to the edge of the platform, an impatient child willing the train to come. The drunk must have thought she looked like a jumper -- he grabbed her arm and she let out a bird-like squeal.
A security guard shuffled along the platform with all the urgency of a just-awakened sloth. Lucky the drunk wasn't trying to kill me, she thought. She was just about to reassure the guard, to tell him everything was OK here, when he raised his finger like a schoolmarm about to scold a chile, then pointed at another sign, hidden in the shadows: "No Similes. No Metaphors."
Suddenly, Misha felt like crap.
Opening: Sylvia.....Continuation: Anon.
A herd of beggars set up camp beneath all this as they stubbed out cigarettes and pissed in a corner.
Wish I had a cellphone, thought Misha. I’d take a picture.
She had to wonder where all these beggars came from, what their stories were. They could be soldiers, crippled by a long-forgotten war, or men who had gone bankrupt and lost their jobs and families during the IMF, or even demons in disguise, just wanting to feel the slightest bit human.
Either way, she belonged to a different world: the edge of the platform, with the officer workers, the schoolgirls, the taxpayers who waited for the train and ignored the bums like a brown smear on the wall no one wanted to wipe. A drunk paced back and forth between the two sides like a confused bat, unsure of whether to join the birds or the mammals.
She decided to ignore him, oblivious as a blinkered dray horse standing in traffic. She just wanted to take the next train out of there, to get back where she belonged.
She sighed, and edged closer to the edge of the platform, an impatient child willing the train to come. The drunk must have thought she looked like a jumper -- he grabbed her arm and she let out a bird-like squeal.
A security guard shuffled along the platform with all the urgency of a just-awakened sloth. Lucky the drunk wasn't trying to kill me, she thought. She was just about to reassure the guard, to tell him everything was OK here, when he raised his finger like a schoolmarm about to scold a chile, then pointed at another sign, hidden in the shadows: "No Similes. No Metaphors."
Suddenly, Misha felt like crap.
Opening: Sylvia.....Continuation: Anon.
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Face-Lift 792
Guess the Plot
Fortune Cookie
1. The art of war is a matter of life and death, a road either to safety or to ruin...in bed.
2. Trying to free yourself from sex addiction by talking to stripper is like trying to lose weight by taking job at Dunkin Donuts.
3. Working at fortune cookie factory will lead to enlightenment--and the girl of your dreams.
4. You will be a best selling author, the fortune said. Ten years and 8,455 rejections later, Shiela Karski snaps and goes on an arson spree, targeting fortune cookie warehouses all over North America.
5. Korean-American fifth grader Grace Yi is tired of classmates and even teachers who lump all Asian ethnicities together. So when she's assigned to make the school's Chinese New Year Festival "authentic," she decides to make a few small changes. Hilarity ensues.
6. When champion Poodle "Fortune Cookie" disappears from her crate at the Long Beach dog show, detective Zack Martinez knows two things: the teamsters didn't steal her, and he'd better bring home some Beggin Strips for his wife's chihuahua.
Original Version
Dear ____________:
Ethan Cortier can’t get out of bed, he can’t function, and he can’t enjoy the things he used to love. The only pastime that barely interests him now is a secret sex addiction that makes him hate himself the next day. [If you can't get out of bed, sex is the perfect addiction to have.] [On the other hand, if you can't function, it's the worst.] When he meets Bianca, an aspiring pianist working as a stripper in a shady club with a shady boss, he discovers that it is easier to confess his vice to a complete stranger than a loved one. [Confessing to a woman you just met that you have a sex addiction. I may have to give that a try.] After all, there is nothing for him to lose after she’s gone.
Bianca is facing eviction and unemployment. [Apparently she's as bad at stripping as she is on the piano.] On the night they meet, they speak openly and honestly about the secrets and problems they have kept from their friends and family. [He admits he has a sex addiction and she admits she has pianist envy.] In the short time they share, they connect, listen and offer nonjudgmental advice. Though they never expect to see each other again, they do, and over the next few months, they each find themselves falling in love with the stranger who knows their worst secrets. [Eventually, the sex addict can't keep his hands off his pianist.]
I am prepared to send Fortune Cookie, my 70,000 word literary fiction upon your request. This is a multiple submission. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
[(Not part of query): The title, Fortune Cookie, refers to the main characters picking up Chinese food one night. They miss out on the fortune cookies since the restaurant just ran out. The waiter tells the male character "You don't need dessert, she's sweet enough for you!" pointing to the female character. The bad joke indicates that the female character will bring some happiness into the male character's life.]
Notes
Better title: The Sex Addict's Pianist. Hey, if you didn't want a bunch of pianist jokes, you should have made her an organ player.
We know a few things about each of your characters, but all we know about the plot is that the characters meet, give each other advice, and fall in love. I know it's literary fiction, but doesn't anything interesting happen? Is there a villain? Does Ethan meet Tiger Woods in rehab? Does Bianca's shady boss threaten her? Does she play Carnegie Hall? Give us something.
Monday, July 05, 2010
Face-Lift 791
Guess the plot
The Zookeeper's Machine
1. Hannie's always playing pranks, so when she claims the neighbor kid was kidnapped by gorillas, no one believes her. She discovers the city's zookeeper is behind it all; he has a machine that swaps human brainwaves with animal brainwaves. Can she stop him before he makes her a porcupine? Also, a guitar-playing snake.
2. Demetrius Nash's machine has made his zoo the biggest tourist attraction on earth. Eleroos, kangaphants, giroceroses, rhinaffes -- put two animals in, mix'n'match comes out! But his plan to make the perfect woman backfires. Tiffani/Amber is one angry 12-foot beyotch who locks him in a cage, feeds him Monkey Chow, and occasionally stomps the snot out of him.
3. Zookeeper Sam Torrance's mother was mauled by an angry rogue gorilla, and ever since he has been hatching his plan for revenge. Can Sam maneuver a gorilla into his torture device, or will it be Sam who ends up in . . . The Zookeeper's Machine?
4. It is the year 2085, and thanks to man-made pollution, all wildlife is extinct. Zookeeper Paul Britton isn't ready to give up the family business. He builds robots that look and act like tigers, lions, and bears. But when the robots begin killing the tourists, Britton is faced with a choice: destroy his beloved machines . . . or become a machine himself!
5. John James loves everything about his job in the Elephant House except cleaning up those enormous poops. After years of hobby tinkering, he finally comes up with a design for a giant pooper scooper that he knows will work. But the US Government will do anything to prevent the invention from being manufactured.
6. Rumors swirl about activities in the heavily-guarded underground bunker near the San Diego Zoo. Is it really a DNA repository--or is it a factory to replicate extinct animals? Also, an escaped smilodon.
Original Version
Dear Evil Editor,
Hannie Bunker is not looking forward to spending her summer with her aunt in Philadelphia. She hates the idea of wasting three whole months doing chores for a crazy old lady. And, worse than that, she'll be stuck with Noah, the geeky next-door neighbor boy, as her tag along.
Hannie amuses herself by playing tricks on Noah--the dork will fall for anything. When her aunt finds out about the pranks, Hannie is in big trouble. She vows [promises] to change her reputation and be the bestest friend a twelve-year old loser could ask for (lucky for her, Noah's expectations aren't too high, anyway). But when an opportunity to scare the heebie-jeebies out of Noah arises, [I believe you give someone the heebie-jeebies. What you scare out of someone is the crap. Or the wits.] Hannie can't help herself. She could really use the laugh.
Instead of her prank going as planned, Hannie witnesses Noah's kidnapping. His captors? A pair of Western lowland gorillas. [Never recruit gorillas to play a part in a practical joke. They always think they have a better way.] She tries to get help, but she's cried wolf (or maybe gorilla?) too many times in the past and nobody believes her story. [
The whole point of crying gorilla instead of wolf was that she knew the chances of an actual gorilla showing up in Philadelphia was nil. No doubt when she saw Noah being carried off by gorillas she was thinking, Dammit, why didn't I cry wolf all those other times?] She is blamed for the boy's disappearance. ["Who, me?!! No, it was . . . two western lowland gorillas! Yeah, that's it."] Determined to prove she isn't lying (and hey, she sorta likes Noah after all), Hannie sets out on a mission to track down the child-snatching primates. [What's her plan, to negotiate the release of the hostage?] She ends up discovering a series of child kidnappings that can all be traced back to Philadelphia's newest zookeeper, Bernard Crumpton. Oh, and he uses a nifty machine to steal brainwaves from his victims and manipulate his zoo animals. Hannie must find a way to destroy the machine and rescue the prisoners before the evil zookeeper can put her brainwaves into the mind of a porcupine. She makes a few friends along the way, including a puzzle-solving tarantula and a guitar-playing rattlesnake. [That sentence isn't needed. In fact it totally dilutes the threat you've built up to.]My adventurous middle grade novel, THE ZOOKEEPER'S MACHINE, is 39,500 words. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Notes
You can call your book an adventure novel, but it's up to us to decide whether it's adventurous.
I would like a better explanation of what the machine does. If Hannie's brain waves were put in a porcupine, would her consciousness be there? Would the porcupine's consciousness be in Hannie? Has this already been done to all the other kidnapped kids?
You could shorten the first two paragraphs a bit:
Hannie Bunker is miserable. She's stuck spending the summer with her crazy aunt in Philadelphia, and the worst part is that Noah, the geeky next-door neighbor boy, follows her everywhere.
Hannie amuses herself by playing tricks on Noah--the dork will fall for anything. When her aunt finds out about the pranks, Hannie promises to change her ways and be the bestest friend a twelve-year old loser could ask for (luckily, Noah's expectations aren't too high). But when an opportunity to give Noah the heebie-jeebies arises, Hannie can't resist.
That leaves you some extra room to tell us about Hannie's plan.
You might also tell us how the prank was supposed to work before the gorillas went and spoiled everything.
A Deviation of Minions . . .
. . . met yesterday in London. Evil Editor was present in spirit only, and is thus unwilling to take the blame for anything that went on, the details of which have already been posted at the following addresses:
http://abysswinksback.blogspot.com/2010/07/get-thee-to-minionnery.html
http://fairyhedgehog.blogspot.com/2010/07/minions-in-monkeyspace.html
http://abysswinksback.
http://fairyhedgehog.
Saturday, July 03, 2010
I'm Back
I was on vacation this week so I prepared some posts in advance and scheduled them to appear, except that my plan to prepare the Thursday and Friday cartoons while away didn't work out because the cartoons are stored in my home computer and I couldn't access them, so below are the cartoons you would have gotten, plus one replacing the Saturday film you should be getting today, but aren't.
Friday, July 02, 2010
New Beginning 764
Not famous – nope, have done nothing of worth
Not rich – Hmmmmm, struggle to buy groceries
Not particularly good looking – still have own boobs, cellulite, and occasional whisker
Not sports star- can’t even watch it on TV
“Great” thought Paris, “haven’t got a shit show in hell, basically”
She shut down the computer, wandered into the kitchen and poured herself yet another glass of Chateau de Crap. Sipping as delicately as a dehydrated Bedouin, Paris asked herself the serious question. Capital S, capital Q.
“Is it worth it”.
The little voices in her head immediately began replying…..worrying really, when you thought about it. Isn’t that called borderline personality disorder? All vying for attention, she had to do some serious refereeing. The most vocal of course, was Ego. Ego immediately glossed over reality with a dulcet golden syrupy “Of course it is, you’re amazing”. It was how Paris imagined it would sound if George Clooney was speaking directly at her, over a candle lit dinner – after the oysters. Pure heaven, however as likely as losing her muffin top in a week without exercise - or booze for that matter.
The other voices that managed to get a word in were slightly more realistic, damn them. The whiney arsed voice of Reason piped up next – God, how Paris hated this one. "Look, you're gonna die eventually. Would you rather die now when you're utterly despondent and death would free you from your misery, or would you rather become a rich, famous, good-looking sports star and then die when you finally have something to live for?"
"Id said, "Even if that made sense she should drain the bottle and go pick up a handsome ex-con with tattoos and enjoy her last night."
Ego yelled, "You two are pathetic. Paris has everything going for her she just needs--"
"Screw you," Superego said, jamming his fist into Ego's face. A brawl erupted and went on until Id yelled, "Hold it. Where's Paris?"
"She was sitting right there," Ego said. If anything's happened to--"
"False alarm," Id said. "It's two o'clock." They went into the living room. Paris was right where she always was at two, sitting on the couch with her bottle of wine and her cigarette, watching her soaps.
Opening: Elle Wilman.....Continuation: Evil Editor
Not rich – Hmmmmm, struggle to buy groceries
Not particularly good looking – still have own boobs, cellulite, and occasional whisker
Not sports star- can’t even watch it on TV
“Great” thought Paris, “haven’t got a shit show in hell, basically”
She shut down the computer, wandered into the kitchen and poured herself yet another glass of Chateau de Crap. Sipping as delicately as a dehydrated Bedouin, Paris asked herself the serious question. Capital S, capital Q.
“Is it worth it”.
The little voices in her head immediately began replying…..worrying really, when you thought about it. Isn’t that called borderline personality disorder? All vying for attention, she had to do some serious refereeing. The most vocal of course, was Ego. Ego immediately glossed over reality with a dulcet golden syrupy “Of course it is, you’re amazing”. It was how Paris imagined it would sound if George Clooney was speaking directly at her, over a candle lit dinner – after the oysters. Pure heaven, however as likely as losing her muffin top in a week without exercise - or booze for that matter.
The other voices that managed to get a word in were slightly more realistic, damn them. The whiney arsed voice of Reason piped up next – God, how Paris hated this one. "Look, you're gonna die eventually. Would you rather die now when you're utterly despondent and death would free you from your misery, or would you rather become a rich, famous, good-looking sports star and then die when you finally have something to live for?"
"Id said, "Even if that made sense she should drain the bottle and go pick up a handsome ex-con with tattoos and enjoy her last night."
Ego yelled, "You two are pathetic. Paris has everything going for her she just needs--"
"Screw you," Superego said, jamming his fist into Ego's face. A brawl erupted and went on until Id yelled, "Hold it. Where's Paris?"
"She was sitting right there," Ego said. If anything's happened to--"
"False alarm," Id said. "It's two o'clock." They went into the living room. Paris was right where she always was at two, sitting on the couch with her bottle of wine and her cigarette, watching her soaps.
Opening: Elle Wilman.....Continuation: Evil Editor
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Success Story
150 reports:My short story, "Mentor," continued hilariously in New Beginning 182, sold to Anotherealm and is now available to read there: http://www.anotherealm.com/
Thanks!
-150
http://evileditor.blogspot.com/2007/01/new-beginning-182.html
New Beginning 763
Friday night downtown, the voice in my head wouldn’t shut up. I talked loudly and often, and almost covered it up. My friends also talked loudly and often, and didn’t cover it up at all.
After an hour, I left them and went down the street to see an action movie, full of gunshots and car chases and explosions. The hero won the girl, and soft music played as they kissed. Their kiss was long and slow, and the voice in my head drowned out the music. I got up and walked out of the theater.
Down the street was a nightclub. Flashing lights, blaring music, louder than the voice. I downed one, two, three, and they burned down my throat and made me woozy and happy until the fourth one made me stagger to the bathroom and gag into a toilet. Then, vomit on my chin and voice deafening in my ears, I didn’t feel very well. I went out and downed another. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I shrugged it off.
I mingled with the crowd coming away from a ball game, and I taunted them and rooted for the opposite side, whoever it was, and when one guy broke my nose, and blood flowed into my mouth, I figured that would stop the voice. But no, it still brayed on.
Even the rush of air and the grind of motors and steel on steel as I stood on the subway platform couldn't hide the incessant, pointless blathering in my ears.
And then I realized: I was still wearing my iPod, and I'd downloaded all of the O'Reilly Factor podcasts by mistake.
That's when I knew it was time to jump.
Opening: Rachel.....Continuation: Anon.
After an hour, I left them and went down the street to see an action movie, full of gunshots and car chases and explosions. The hero won the girl, and soft music played as they kissed. Their kiss was long and slow, and the voice in my head drowned out the music. I got up and walked out of the theater.
Down the street was a nightclub. Flashing lights, blaring music, louder than the voice. I downed one, two, three, and they burned down my throat and made me woozy and happy until the fourth one made me stagger to the bathroom and gag into a toilet. Then, vomit on my chin and voice deafening in my ears, I didn’t feel very well. I went out and downed another. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I shrugged it off.
I mingled with the crowd coming away from a ball game, and I taunted them and rooted for the opposite side, whoever it was, and when one guy broke my nose, and blood flowed into my mouth, I figured that would stop the voice. But no, it still brayed on.
Even the rush of air and the grind of motors and steel on steel as I stood on the subway platform couldn't hide the incessant, pointless blathering in my ears.
And then I realized: I was still wearing my iPod, and I'd downloaded all of the O'Reilly Factor podcasts by mistake.
That's when I knew it was time to jump.
Opening: Rachel.....Continuation: Anon.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Face-Lift 790
Guess the Plot
Experimenting with Love
1. Kaely has fallen for Colin, but he's gay so she decides to turn him straight. When her attempts all fail, she comes up with a new experiment: disguise herself as a guy, get Colin to fall for her/him, and then reveal the truth, at which point he'll have to be straight.
2. Thelda Mondthwaite's family has been in the love potion business eight centuries. Tradition means everything, until niece Titiana joins the business. Tit says diversification is the key to future success. When Thelda finds a bottle labeled “On Your Knees, Wastrel,” she knows the company is in trouble.
3. It was supposed to be a simple psychology trial - can people make themselves fall in love? The answer seems to be yes: the more time Gaby spends with her assigned partner, the more she starts to like him. But will she throw him over when she learns this was actually a drug trial for a new pheromone-enhanced body wash?
4. Salitor the wizard has been trying for decades to perfect the formula for a sure-fire love potion. All his failed attempts, unfortunately for mankind, have to go somewhere, and that somewhere is the galactic horror known as the Soul Sucker.
5. High school junior David Jacoby concocts a love potion in the chem lab. He has only three days before the prom to slip it to Marla, the prettiest, most popular girl in the school. So he invents a gizmo that freezes time, then winds up in the seventh dimension. He takes Marla to the prom or not in a happy or weird ending, accordingly. Final chapter is dadaist garble.
6. Julie has always dreamed of the perfect guy, but being the school nerd doesn't help her chances one bit. Now she's all grown up and decides to make all the boys that once knew her jealous by creating the perfect boy for her. Too bad he's a robot and has no emotions, otherwise his seamless construction would've fooled the idiots.
Original Version
Your Evilness,
Kaely is known to the online world as kaekat2012 on her blog and she's as close to a being star as she is becoming president at 16. That is, until she meets Colin, a super hot foreign exchange student from Scottland. Not only do her almost nonexistant readers love him, but Kaely finds herself developing strong feelings for him. [You screwed up your first sentence, spelled "Scotland" wrong in your second sentence, and spelled "nonexistent" wrong in your third sentence. Whoever's reading this will assume every sentence in your book has a mistake, and stop reading here.]
There's only one tiny problem, he's gay. Kaely's determined to turn him straight one way or the other but finds that extremely difficult. [What are the ways she tries?] But then she has a brilliant idea: pretend to be a guy to win Colin's heart then reveal the truth to him, [No wonder she's set her sights on a gay guy; a sixteen-year-old girl who can pass as a guy probably isn't getting much action from the straight guys.] and she'll document her progress on her blog to gain readers and reach her possible stardome. [That comma should be a colon in sentence 1, you need a comma after "heart" in sentence 2, and you spelled "stardom" wrong in sentence 3 (and in the sentence below this one).]
Soon enough, the blog kicks off as a national hit and Kaely must decide what's more important to her, her newfound stardome or true happiness. [She must give up her blog to achieve the happiness that comes with a romantic relationship with a gay guy?] [I've made you look like a complete fool on my blog for the past year. Now will you date me?]
Experimenting With Love is a YA realistic fiction romance complete at 67,000 words. [What's realistic about it?]
Thank you for your time and consideration,
Notes
You need to explain why Kaely has to decide between stardom and happiness. Why can't she have both? What will bring her happiness?
I don't see how this can be a romance if the heroine's crush is a gay guy.
You need to get rid of the errors in the query and in the book.
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