Caption: Anon.
Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.
Why you don't get published.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Success Story
Jennifer Allis Provost reports that her novel Heir to the Sun (Face-Lift 805) is now available from Fantastic Books.
She credits the minions with her success, and admits that her decision not to change Ehkron's name to Honker, as recommended by EE, will come back to bite her in the ass.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Face-Lift 945
Guess the Plot
Angel's Wings
1. Angel-in-training Serissa uses her spare time to investigate how she died, and learns that she and her angel mentor were involved in a web of betrayal. Did the Big Kahuna know about this, or is He slipping in His old age?
2. Competition in Buffalo's hot wing industry is hot. Maybe too hot. That's what Angel learns when he comes into work and finds his manager head-first in the hot sauce. Angel needs to solve the crime but his chicken disguise won't keep him hidden for long.
3. If Zeke can save one more innocent person from temptation, he can fulfill his basic training as a guardian angel and earn his wings. Too bad new charge Amanda Jeffries is not making this one easy.
4. It's 1942, and Angel Rodriguez is determined to enlist in the US Air Force and become a bomber pilot. There's just one hang-up: he's only ten.
5. Archaeologist Hensley Carpenter unearths a fossilized set of wings near Bethlehem, setting off a theological battle between religious fundamentalists who say it proves angels exist and environmental fundamentalists who say it proves giant condors once inhabited the Middle East.
6. When the California Angels baseball team unveil their new uniforms, which include actual wings, opposing managers complain that this will give them an unfair advantage. Later, when it's revealed that the Angels can't actually fly, and that the cumbersome wings give them a huge disadvantage, the objections are withdrawn.
Original Version
Dear Mr. Editor,
Life sucks. Death isn't much better. Fifteen year old Serissa Williams knows that first hand. [Shouldn't that have been "Life sucked."?] After dying, Serissa awakes in the afterlife and is presented with two choices: spend the rest of eternity doing nothing, [Is this heaven or hell?] or recieve [i before e except after c.] an Imprint and become an angel. [Do we need "receive an Imprint and"? I don't even know what it means.] She picks the wings and becomes an Angel-In-Training. [Typical schedule of Angel-in-Training:
8 AM - 10 AM: Harp lessons
10:00 - 10:15 AM: Morning break
10:15 - Noon: Glee club
Noon - 1 PM: Lunch (angel hair with diavolo sauce)
1 PM - 3 PM: Flying lessons
3 PM - 3:15 PM: Afternoon break
3:15 - 5 PM: Praising God (who tries to remain humble)
5 - 7 PM: Dinner (babyback ribs)
7 - 8 PM: Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune
8 - 10 PM: Acting lessons for appearances in film and TV
10 -11 PM: Polishing other Angels' halos]
Assisted by her dark and sexy mentor Kieran-- an angel with attitude-- [God appreciates attitude--but not too much attitude. You saw what happened to Satan.] she begins to learn the ropes of being an angel all the while trying to figure out how she died in the first place. Soon, the threads of memories begin to unravel and she discovers that her death and Kieran's past are deeply intertwined in a web of love, betrayal, pain and death. [If the threads of memories unravel, I wouldn't expect her to discover anything. Use "untangle" if you insist on the thread metaphor. Or just say the memories return.]
Angel's Wings is a YA Romance Fantasy novel of 50,421 words. This is my first novel and it would be a great honor to me if you would consider it for publishing. [Drop that sentence.] I recently started a blog as well which has some samples of writing already up. It's petranova.livejournal.com. [And those two.]
Thank you for your time.
Notes
Your plot, which was all one paragraph until I broke it up with my angel-in-training schedule should be broken into two paragraphs there. And you'll still have room for a third paragraph to tell us what happens after Serissa regains her memories, which I assume is the book's main plot thread.
I'm not crazy about the opening sentences. You might consider opening: Fifteen year old Serissa Williams awakes in the afterlife and is presented with two choices: spend the rest of eternity lounging around doing nothing, or become an angel.
Of course you could change "doing nothing" to something that sounds a bit less boring. If doing nothing and being an angel are the only choices, there'd be billions of angels. Unless angel boot camp is a real killer.
Cartoon 977
Caption: Wilkins MacQueen/Khazar-khum
Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Face-Lift 944
Guess the Plot
Legacy of a Mad Scientist
1. Assorted beakers, flasks and test tubes, an operating table, a million-watt generator, and a big red lever next to a sign that says PULL ONLY IN CASE OF EMERGENCY. Loretta's wondering if the lever opens a secret room in which her father kept emergency funds.
2. A five-year-old Cadillac, two TVs, four thousand dollars, a filing cabinet full of tax returns dating to the fifties, and a key that opens a door to another dimension. Yep, Uncle Ralph left Arlene one hell of an estate.
3. A $900 Subaru? That's it? Sheila is pissed, until she discovers it can fly, float, and submerge. But there's a strange, glowing green lump under the dashboard. And it's getting bigger.
4. Pretty much nothing . . . except a blueprint for blowing up entire cities in one massive chain-reaction! And since his daughter Ashley is a cybernetic killing machine, it's pretty much just what she wanted.
5. To win the upcoming San Francisco Cocktail showdown -- and the notice of the hot local food+drink critic -- Alice Fries must uncover the secret of her father's legendary freeze gun. Will she succeed, or turn the guests into drunk popsicles?
6. At the reading of the will, Cindy discovers that her beloved and departed uncle was a mad scientist. He left her a small metal chest. Tied around it with a red ribbon is a note saying: ‘Do not open near candy’. Also, a talking pig!
Original Version
Dr. Fox is the smartest man in the world [That's something I'd expect to read if this is a book for children. If the book is for adults, include his first name and make him the second smartest man in the world. It's amusing, and it hooks the reader into wondering who could possibly be smarter than Dr. Fox. If the book is for children, make Dr. Fox an actual fox.] and his own worst enemy. Ergo, can he possibly be smart enough to outwit himself? [Ergo? Make that: But is he smart enough to outwit his clone?]
His daughter, Ashley, is a cybernetic killing-machine, programmed to protect her younger brother, Geoff, at all costs. [If this is YA, and Ashley is the MC, make her the subject of the first paragraph. We'd much rather read about a cybernetic killing machine named Ashley than the smartest man in the world.]
When Dr. Fox discovers a kitchen-sink method for blowing up entire cities in one massive chain-reaction, he becomes a threat to national security, and has to be eliminated. [On the other hand, he's also a threat to the national security of his country's enemies, and has to be protected at all costs.]
Now Ashley and Geoff are on the run, [Why?] and not from the enemy but towards them. [Who are they on the run from, and who is the enemy?]
Notes
The government wants Fox eliminated. How are Ashley and Geoff involved? Focus on the main character. I can't even tell who the main character is.
If you can't be bothered to provide more of your query letter than the plot summary, at least give us the genre/audience. It's hard to give useful feedback on a query for a book that could be intended for adults or fifth graders.
As for what's here, it's little more than an outline. Combine the first three paragraphs into one. That's your setup. Then give us two more paragraphs in which you tell us who wants what, what's at stake, and what happens. Don't just list stuff, tell an intriguing story. And don't forget that the plot summary is only part of this business letter.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Face-Lift 943
Guess the Plot
Glimmer
1. The latest fashion at Swan's school; shiny. One little capsule and you'll glow in the dark for 24 hours. Everyone's doing it. Is it Swan's imagination, or do they get more and more zombie-like with each dose?
2. Glimmer, the elf who delivers the world's sunshine and happiness every morning in bright pink baskets, is captured by a grumpy gnome who doesn't want anyone to be happy ever again. Can Betsy and Bobby save the day?
3. A glimmer of hope. That's all high school student Kalin wants as she sets out to rescue her mom from kidnappers. When she finds out her mother is actually the immortal Morgan le Fay, she can only say one thing. WTF?
4. Lost in the woods at night, Kirene sees a distant flash of light. Is it a cabin? And if so, is it the cabin of a witch or a kindhearted soul or a serial killer? To find out you'll have to read the book, because the query only takes you as far as the door.
5. An old jeweler hands Anika a sparkling gem, and tells her to place it under her pillow for good luck. What he doesn't tell her is that her dreams will now be controlled by the gem. And will all come true.
6. There's something shiny bobbing up and down in the ocean. And Nick has been practicing his swimming. It doesn't look that far. He thinks he can make it out there. But can he make it back? Probably not, but if it's a bottle with a genie inside, he won't have to.
Original Version
Dear Evil Editor:
Recently, NYT bestselling author, Cassandra Clare introduced me to Eric Paquette, Senior VP of Productions for Screen Gems. During one of our conversations, I told Eric [Even if you're now on a first-name basis with him, in the query I'd refer to him as Mr. Paquette.] about my book and he has requested to read it. His wife, screenwriter Jessica Postigo, has also requested to read my novel. [I haven't seen this much name dropping in the first paragraph of a query letter since the guy who opened by saying My style has been compared to Twain and Harte, Vonnegut and Hiaasen, and Marlowe and Spillane. I never did get around to asking if he meant fictional character Philip Marlowe or Elizabethan poet/playwright Christopher Marlowe.] [The bad news is that Eric and Jessica, being married, will buy (at most) one copy between them if the book is published.] [You've devoted an entire paragraph of your query to naming three people who haven't read your book. If you're gonna do that, why not name people the reader is sure to be familiar with: It has been suggested to me that Stephen King, Steven Spielberg and the late Humphrey Bogart would enjoy my book.] [According to Wikipedia, "first time writer" Jessica Postigo has been hired to write the screenplay of Cassandra Clare's latest novel, which is being produced by Screen Gems. Which invites the question: When you hire your inexperienced wife to write a screenplay for a movie you're producing, are you allowed to pay her twice the going rate?] [By now you've caught on that you must delete that entire paragraph, so let's move on.]
When seventeen-year-old Kalin woke up that morning, she thought the only disruption to her predictable day would be a scheduled visit from her mostly absent Mom. [There's no need to say "that morning," if you don't reveal what morning you're talking about. We can deduce that it's some morning from the context of the sentence.] But from the moment she left her house with her best friend Cori, things just escalated from strange to way past weird. First, during an impromptu visit to a psychic, [On her way to school?] she had a vision of a glass castle. Then, she finds a spellbook in her locker that she just can't get rid of. [I see we've switched from past tense to present.] But, none of those things compare to [Those weren't "things."] going to work and being attacked by some hot guy that turns out to be a black-blooded evil faery, then being rescued by none other than her guidance counselor who tells her that she must go to mystical Avalon to help find her missing mother. [That paragraph is way too wordy. I would trim it to something like:
Seventeen-year-old Kalin isn't expecting Friday to be much different from any other day, so when she's attacked by a black-blooded evil faery and rescued by none other than her guidance counselor, she wonders if she's dreaming. The "guidance" she gets from her counselor doesn't exactly clear things up; he tells her she must go to mystical Avalon to rescue her missing mother.]
Once in Avalon, Kalin learns that her mother is Morgan le Fay, the immortal high court faery queen. The lies continue to unravel as she discovers that her best friend Cori is a faery princess and her guidance counselor a faery knight. [How have all these people managed to hide their dual identities from Kalin for seventeen years? Her best friend is a faery princess in Avalon, and she has no idea? That friendship is over.] Kalin must push aside her own feelings so that she can rescue her Mom from a new faction of faeries bent on destroying Avalon. Unfortunately, faeries have their own set of rules and a system of courts that are too busy accusing each other of deceit to actually be able to help her. Throughout her adventure, Kalin does make some new friends including Rowan, a sexy and dangerous fae with his own secrets. [You're just listing random stuff. You should be telling the story.]
Glimmer, my 66,000-word young adult fantasy manuscript can be described as a Mists of Avalon (Marion Eleanor Zimmer ) [What the? The name on her book cover is Marion Zimmer Bradley.] meets Wicked Lovely (Melissa Marr). [Yes, Morgan le Fay is in Mists of Avalon, and there are faeries in Wicked Lovely, but . . . ] This modern day faery tale has elements of Arthurian and Scottish mythology including some twists on well-known characters from legend. The novel is set in Baltimore, but also visits Avalon, Las Vegas, and Brittany, France.
I am a freelance writer and co-owner of the YA Fantasy Guide that focuses on the young adult fantasy genre. [This leads me to assume you must be familiar with the YA novel Glimmerglass. (Which is confirmed by a visit to your site and a click on "Fairies," Glimmerglass being the top book listed.) Admittedly your book, Glimmer, is about a girl who goes from Baltimore to Avalon to find her mother, while Glimmerglass is about a girl who goes from Philadelphia to Avalon to get away from her mother, but I'm not sure calling your book Glimmer is the best idea. If you wrote a mystery set in Sweden, you wouldn't call your book The Girl with the Crocodile Tattoo, even if the main character was a girl with a crocodile tattoo.] The YAFG receives an average of 35,000 hits per month. I also have a twitter account with more than 10,000 followers.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Notes
Focus on what happens after Kalin goes to Avalon. What's her plan? A faery faction wants to bring down Avalon, but a seventeen-year-old girl is needed to stop them? What does she bring to the rescue team? What goes wrong? What happens if the faction succeeds? What's the story?
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Face-Lift 942
Guess the Plot
Sea Urchin
1. When an oil drilling operation threatens the reef, plucky little Sammy Sea Urchin organizes a flotilla of sharks, jelly fish and sting rays to send the invaders packing.
2. A convict is released from prison so that he can work in the garden of a young widow. It's part of a new enlightened corrections policy. But will he risk losing this soft gig when he meets a girl who can change into a seal?
3. When her mother is drowned by a drift net, Alyissya the dolphin is left an orphan. Alone, scared, she must swim her way through the reef of sharks and hostile pods to her aunt Shaaya and safety.
4. At age seven, merkid Oliver Nemo's shark-brained merparents swam off into the sunset, never to return. A lucky break on “Mariana Trench's Got Talent” kept him off the streets. Now, puberty--and poverty, if his voice breaks--loom. What to do? Fagan-Fish has an idea, but Oliver doesn't like it at all.
5. Despite her adoption by a loving family of bee keepers, young Queenie has always dreamed of transformation and an enchanted life beneath the sea. She regrets this wish when she wakes on her 16th birthday covered in poisonous spines.
6. Lily, A young homeless child, lives by the sea and is referred to as "sea urchin" because she has no family and doesn't bathe. One day a mermaid jumps out of the sea and informs Lily that her father owns a prosperous water treatment facility. Lily finds her dad and ends up inheriting the business.
Original Version
Dear Mr Editor,
"Sea Urchin" is a YA historical fantasy, complete at 57,000 words.
Sixteen-year-old Davie is transported to Australia as punishment for pickpocketing, [Suddenly I'm thinking of becoming a pickpocket.] but in the remote boys' prison he finds opportunities he never thought he'd have. [Like interacting with a kangaroo.]
He works hard in school and leaning [learning] a trade in the workshops, convinced this is the key to becoming a respectable citizen. But when he befriends fellow-prisoner Jimmy, Davie loses his focus. He skips school, [When you're in a prison you can skip school? Suddenly I'm thinking of applying for the position of truant officer in an Australian boys' prison.] and makes mistakes in the workshop. Yet he also saves himself from drowning despite being unable to swim. [You add this as if it's evidence that he hasn't gone totally bad, when even a punk hoodlum would try hard to save himself from drowning.] [Don't they have lifeguards at the prison swimming pool?] Jimmy's a bad influence, but he [Davie] can't help being drawn to him. For, unknown to Davie, Jimmy is a selkie, a seal boy trapped on land far from his skin, and his magic is causing all Davie's woes. [His magic can't get him out of the prison? What can it do?] [What woes are we talking about?]
When Jimmy kills another boy to protect Davie, the seal boy goes into hiding. [What kind of prison is this? Prisoners can hide and not be found?] Davie sneaks him food, but Jimmy has been away from the sea for too long, and fades while Davie looks on, helpless. Then Davie is sent away, to work as a gardener for a young widow who wants to mother him. [A prison that sends a prisoner away to work for a young widow? If that happened in America, the woman would get butchered, the story would lead every news program for a week, and everyone from the warden to Barack Obama would lose his job.] Convinced there is nothing more he can do for Jimmy, he applies himself to his new work. But then a chance meeting with a seal girl forces Davie to make a choice: stay with the widow who'll give him the new start he desires [Gardening for a woman who wants to mother him is the new start he desires? I thought he was learning a trade in a prison workshop.] [Then again, perhaps he enjoys plowing her furrows.] or throw away his new life for a slight chance he might yet save Jimmy's life? [That was a question?]
(Cool stuff about me [, which I'm hoping will happen so I don't have to make it up.])
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Notes
It wouldn't hurt to mention when the story is set.
Not clear how Davie's chance meeting with a seal girl helps Jimmy. And what are the odds that one kid meets a seal boy and then a few weeks later meets a seal girl? Unless there are millions of these wereseals. Also, I thought wereseals were native to the North Atlantic. Yet Davie meets two of them in Australia?
If they're called selkies, why are you calling them seal boys and seal girls and wereseals?
Jimmy faded away weeks ago. How's Davie gonna find him?
If I had an arrangement to send criminals to Australia as punishment, I think I'd want assurances that they'd receive some punishment, not spend three weeks in Club Med and then get gardening positions. I'd save the transportation costs and have them tend my garden.
If selkies fade away when they're away from the sea, you wouldn't think they'd risk getting thrown into a prison they can't get out of.
If I had the option of being in human form or seal form, I'd be a seal all the time. All you have to do is swim, eat and balance balls on your nose.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
New Beginning 876
It really was the worst of times. Claudia looked at her hands and found they were still semi-transparent. It's one thing to wake up and find a pimple on your nose, it's quite another to find that you have no nose at all, well just a shadow of one.
"I know that I fell off the porch, headfirst," Claudia thought. "I feel okay, just my usual sinus pressure. Hey, how many ghosts have sinus problems. Maybe this just a dream."
But as she saw an ugly small demon appear in front of her, she began to question that.
The demon, for he was too ugly to be anything else, said, "Hi there, I'm your guardian angel."
Claudia eyed him as he picked his nose with a long index finger. "Do you have any id? I mean, no offense, but you're not exactly... well..."
"Sure," the demon replied, "I got id. I got ego. I got super-ego. I'm very self-aware."
"And, uh, you're my guardian angel?"
The demon flicked a booger off the end of his gnarly finger. "Face it. You need me. Here you are..."
The demon pulled a Benzedrex inhaler and a pair of spectacles from his pocket. "These should take care of your problems."
"Huh?"
Skeptical, Claudia put on the glasses. Suddenly her hand came into solid focus and she could find her nose in the mirror. She took a deep pull on the inhaler and her sinus pain disappeared.
Sometimes the simplest explanation is the most likely.
And demons suck at fiction.
Opening: R.T. Davis.....Continuation: anon.
"I know that I fell off the porch, headfirst," Claudia thought. "I feel okay, just my usual sinus pressure. Hey, how many ghosts have sinus problems. Maybe this just a dream."
But as she saw an ugly small demon appear in front of her, she began to question that.
The demon, for he was too ugly to be anything else, said, "Hi there, I'm your guardian angel."
Claudia eyed him as he picked his nose with a long index finger. "Do you have any id? I mean, no offense, but you're not exactly... well..."
"Sure," the demon replied, "I got id. I got ego. I got super-ego. I'm very self-aware."
"And, uh, you're my guardian angel?"
The demon flicked a booger off the end of his gnarly finger. "Face it. You need me. Here you are..."
The demon pulled a Benzedrex inhaler and a pair of spectacles from his pocket. "These should take care of your problems."
"Huh?"
Skeptical, Claudia put on the glasses. Suddenly her hand came into solid focus and she could find her nose in the mirror. She took a deep pull on the inhaler and her sinus pain disappeared.
Sometimes the simplest explanation is the most likely.
And demons suck at fiction.
Opening: R.T. Davis.....Continuation: anon.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Face-Lift 941
Guess the Plot
Transformation in Arvakeria
1. When Casey first heard of Arvakeria, she thought it was the new home for Aardvarks in the local zoo. Soon, she finds herself proven wrong and must hunt a lost princess in a hidden kingdom, accompanied by a stable boy who keeps transforming into household appliances just to get her attention.
2. The history of the Transformation and its impact on Arvakeria.
3. Ho hum. Another fantasy novel. Set in another world. Our hero/ine has the unique magical ability to transform their shape, and it has long been prophesied that a person with such an ability will be the one to [fill in blank]. Is anybody interested?
4. Old Zippo, forced to buy a suit for his son's wedding, goes to the local suit store, Arvakeria. In the changing room, he's transformed into a small Labrador, and wanders around town wearing the ill-fitting pin-striped suit. He's recognized as a brilliant dog, and gets a job as a financial adviser to the town council. When the town goes broke, Old Zippo runs off with a poodle named, "Zelda Muffin," and they live fairly comfortably in the back of a Volkswagon bus with a bunch of vegan hippies.
5. 6646 BC. Most of the human race died out two thousand years earlier under the reign of King Arvaker. Now, just as we're making a comeback, a new threat arrives: vampire orcs. Humans go underground and morph into dwarfs to await their savior, but when he finally shows up, he's kind of lazy.
6. Arvakeria was the rowdiest, most lawless city on the planet . . . until the Transformation, when all Arvakerians became angels. Now the Arvakerians travel from town to town punishing rowdy lawless people with death and torture. Hey, it's a living.
Original Version
Transformation In Arvakeria is a literary science fiction and fantasy future best seller at approximately 196,672 words.
Rumor has it that twelve thousand years ago, humans had magic. The orcs are not pleased about this because, while they are stronger than humans (their natural STR scores would default at 18) and bigger (orcs grow to about 6'5" at minimum all the way up to 8' whereas humans of course have a wide range but never that tall!) magic is obviously more powerful. So the orcs set about to kill all the humans. Around the reign of King Arvaker, circa 8573 b.c., these humans were all but destroyed and were on their final legs as a species.
Icarus is the only man who can stop all the senseless dying and kill off all the other species. But he won't be born for another few thousand years, so lots more people will die before then.
Left to their own devices, the orcs and dragons and dragon-orcs would kill and enslave all of the humans. Fortunately the world almost ended at about 6646 b.c. and all of the orcs died off. But a new threat was threatening... vampire orcs.
Left with few soldiers left (a typical army at about this time would contain around a thousand soldiers, broken up into "decades" of 200 troops. Each one would have a command structure roughly equal to one commander per 50 men) the humans have no choice but to hide until their savior is borne.
Rapidly the humans underground start to develop into dwarves, which helps boost their STR scores, but they become too belligerent and the remaining true humans are forced back above ground.
Icarus still hasn't been born yet, but he will. All of the humans await this day. That is when everything will be happily ever after... but will he command the humans?? Death follows those who worship the path of darkness...
Eventually Icarus is born and the savior grows up into a great warrior. Unfortunately Icarus is spoiled as a child since he is the chosen one and doesn't like to do very much. So his friends must tackle the fate of the world and save the humans from the dangers above ground and below...
T.In.A. is complete and awaits your reply. I know that vampires are very big right now so that is why I chose to kill the orcs and make the bad guys vampire orcs. Thanks for your time.
Notes
Every hundred or so queries we get a hoax query, and if we're running low on real queries and openings, or fake plots, and continuations, I'm happy to post it, as long as I don't have to put any effort into critiquing it.
Friday, August 12, 2011
New Beginning 875
The first time I saw the man with no face was on my way to school. Less than a week since I got out of the hospital and I was already totally wired, even before the horror show started. I just caught a fleeting glimpse, more of an impression than anything, a guy on the sidewalk with smooth blank skin where eyes, nose, mouth should have been. He seemed to be looking at something – for something. His head craned around on a skinny neck, as if he were searching for ... me.
“Did you see that?” I burst out, feeling a chill run up my spine as our driver stopped for a light.
“Quinn, what is it?” said Mina. She could read the fear in my voice. She leaned her forehead against the window of the car, trying to see what I'd seen.
"I thought I saw a man with no face," I told her. "Do you see him?"
"No," Mina replied. Then, to our driver: "Turn back, driver. It appears Quinn was released from the hospital prematurely."
The second time I saw the man with no face he was standing at the foot of my hospital bed when I woke up. I started screaming in terror, and he turned toward me. It was one of my shrinks, the bald one. I'd been looking at the back of his head. Awkward.
Opening: Deb Hoag.....Continuation: Evil Editor
“Did you see that?” I burst out, feeling a chill run up my spine as our driver stopped for a light.
“Quinn, what is it?” said Mina. She could read the fear in my voice. She leaned her forehead against the window of the car, trying to see what I'd seen.
"I thought I saw a man with no face," I told her. "Do you see him?"
"No," Mina replied. Then, to our driver: "Turn back, driver. It appears Quinn was released from the hospital prematurely."
The second time I saw the man with no face he was standing at the foot of my hospital bed when I woke up. I started screaming in terror, and he turned toward me. It was one of my shrinks, the bald one. I'd been looking at the back of his head. Awkward.
Opening: Deb Hoag.....Continuation: Evil Editor
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
New Beginning 874
The wind blew threw Griffin Pogue's short-cropped hair. It felt good on his bare chest. He held his fire jacket over his left shoulder with his left arm bent back and his helmet down by his side with his right hand to show off his muscular arms and shoulders. His fireman pants sat impossibly low on his hips, showing off has ripped and buff abs. Assistants held reflectors and filler lights as the renowned photographer, JiYu Chow, orchestrated five cameras.
"Got it, hot and sunny August is a wrap," JiYu announced. Griffin relaxed and stepped off the ledge.
"Great. I was feeling a little too much wind for five stories up," Griffin said.
"How did I get saddled with a model incapable of not talking or standing still," JiYu waved at his assistants and they broke down the equipment.
"How? Because I'm the only model you can afford for your stupid calendar."
"No so, I can get dozens of models."
"Yeah? Like who?"
Chow looked around until his eyes fell upon a muttonchopped man with an impeccable pince-nez, surrounded by adoring supermodel types. "Like him."
Griffin deflated, taut abs sagging. There was no way he could compete.
Opening: Dave F......Continuation: Khazar-khum
"Got it, hot and sunny August is a wrap," JiYu announced. Griffin relaxed and stepped off the ledge.
"Great. I was feeling a little too much wind for five stories up," Griffin said.
"How did I get saddled with a model incapable of not talking or standing still," JiYu waved at his assistants and they broke down the equipment.
"How? Because I'm the only model you can afford for your stupid calendar."
"No so, I can get dozens of models."
"Yeah? Like who?"
Chow looked around until his eyes fell upon a muttonchopped man with an impeccable pince-nez, surrounded by adoring supermodel types. "Like him."
Griffin deflated, taut abs sagging. There was no way he could compete.
Opening: Dave F......Continuation: Khazar-khum
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)