Guess the Plot
What Would LOVE Do?
1. Ah, yes, the eternal question. For slightly psychopathic (getting help) bartender Nick, it's about convincing pretty Salome Lissette that her current boyfriend (drug-dealer Carl, with mafia connection), is even worse than her previous, politician Matthias (deceased, which Nick won't admit having anything to do with).
2. When LeBron James is traded to the Charlotte Hornets, he must decide whether to retire from basketball or end his career with a losing franchise. He makes his decision, as he has all his other life decisions, by asking himself, What would my ex-teammate Kevin Love do?
3. The three Von Emerson sisters embark on a global quest to find husbands so their hospitalized father can walk each of them down the aisle before he retires to that farm in upstate Illinois. Love goes on the back burner when there's a deadline.
4. Melanie doesn't know what to say when John unexpectedly asks her to marry him. So she stalls him and consults the Roman god of love, Cupid. Also, a bachelor party in hell.
Original Version
Dear,
I’m writing to tell you about a question some girls will never have to ask... because their sisters already know. [But don't these girls have to at least ask . . . their sisters?]
Reminiscent of Coco Mellors’ multi-perspective family saga, The Blue Sisters, but bridging a lighthearted gap with a romance flair loved before in The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood. What Would LOVE Do? complete at 121,000 words, follows the 32-years-old and eldest daughter, Lucy Oren Von Emerson, and younger sisters, Lola and Libby–who have taken it upon themselves to be two of the most reckless and helpless individuals Lucy has ever witnessed [known]. [I took the liberty of italicizing the three book titles for you.] [If that period after "Hazelwood" is supposed to be there, that sentence needs a predicate . . . and a subject. If that period is supposed to be a comma, you're introducing your title in the middle of a 75-word sentence, which, coupled with your admission that the book is 121,000 words, may convince the reader that your novel needs to be trimmed drastically.] [Here's a shorter version of that paragraph:
Reminiscent of Coco Mellors’ multi-perspective family saga, The Blue Sisters, my novel, What Would LOVE Do?, complete at 90,000 words, follows the eldest Von Emerson daughter, Lucy, and her reckless sisters, Lola and Libby.
That's fewer than half as many words. It leaves out The Love Hypothesis, but that's no great loss, as "lighthearted romantic flair" is too general to provide useful information. You can use your plot summary to show your book has lighthearted romantic flair.]
Fifteen years after deciding her major, and nearly a decade as the pen behind [author of] some of the most intellectually compelling articles targeting social issues in the U.S. (or well, she thinks so at least), Lucy gets news that her contract with the writing firm helping her maintain her humble SINK lifestyle will not be renewed in the New Year. [Not surprising. Audiences of even the most popular columnists tend to dwindle over the years. Ask me how I know.] [No need to capitalize "new year" when it just means next year.] ["Writing firm" is pretty vague. How about "newspaper syndicate" or "magazine" or "the ACLU's weblog."] On top of this, her dad is hospitalized after a bone-fracturing fall in their icy hometown of Chicago. Lucy reluctantly returns home, accompanied by her not officially estranged sisters, to visit their thrill-addict of a father. The aging man makes one final “request” of his daughters before he pursues what he calls a new venture, but is otherwise known widely as retirement: he would like to walk each of his relationship-averse girls down the aisle. [Once again, more words than we need. Here's the short version:
After a decade as the author of compelling articles addressing American social issues, Lucy learns her syndicated column will be dropped in the new year. On top of this, her dad is hospitalized after a bone-fracturing fall. Lucy reluctantly returns home to Chicago, accompanied by her not officially estranged sisters, to visit their father. The aging man makes one request: he would like to walk each of his relationship-averse daughters down the aisle.
And though it had [it's] been a whole 2 years since Lucy’s 6 year romance ended over a video call, she couldn’t [can't] believe it when a sister [Lola? Libby?] suggests they agree to their dad['s request], and while they’re at it, make an entire trip out of it!? As Lucy trails her sisters across the globe, seldomly looking for love as it’s defined, she discovers that though her sisters are hell bent, at least their aim is set. And if the arrow is a pen, now Lucy must decide where the story will lead… if not to her own. [I'm not sure what that last sentence means. Her own what? Story? Husband? Pen? I guess you're trying to say, If only Lucy could say the same about herself.]
The youngest of three sisters, I hope you'll trust me to deliver a delightfully biased take on sisterhood and the messy, beautiful, questionable journey of finding oneself even while the answers lie within the reflection of another.
Thank you for your consideration,
Notes
Unless an agent requests you provide comp titles before your plot summary, it's probably best to put that paragraph after the summary, just in case the agent's never heard of those books, or read them and hated them. Plus, when she sees that "121,000 words" glaring at her, she may not even bother reading further.
So Lola and Libby are crossing the globe in search of men willing to drop everything and go to Chicago to marry them? And Lucy tags along hoping to talk some sense into them, or maybe to find her own husband prospect? I hope Lucy finds her soulmate on the trip while Lola and Libby return home, only to find theirs right next door. That could lead to some lighthearted romantic flair.
Aren't there any eligible bachelors in Chicago? I mean, that's where Michelle met Barrack. At least it's (marginally) easier to find a guy who speaks English in Chicago than in Norway or Morocco.
Now that the plot summary is shorter, you may have room to add some specifics about the global quest for husbands, which I assume is a major part of the book. You'd have even more space for that if you started the query:
When their hospitalized father's last wish is to walk his daughters down the aisle, Lucy, Lola and Libby Von Emerson embark on a whirlwind worldwide quest to find husbands.
Maybe you should claim to be the eldest of three sisters, so the agent won't think you're one of the reckless, helpless ones.
I never did find out-- what is the question some girls will never have to ask?
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