Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Guess the Plot
1. As the only person in the world with eight limbs, 17-year old Spyder Jones has a unique set of talents and abilities that make career planning (and clothes shopping) difficult. Should she continue her education at Dr. Fiero's Academy of Circus Theater, or pursue a career as a runway model? Also, a Hollywood talent scout.
2. Post apocalyptic US: 17 year old Mariel struggles to support her family and avoid death. Then her brother Tristan dies of an unknown cause and the government seizes control of half the population's minds. Mariel vows to destroy the evil power, piloting the "Spyder," a nuclear-powered exoskeleton invented by Tristan.
3. When it's discovered that nuclear secrets are being smuggled out of the country hidden within the DNA-code of a shipment of live poisonous spiders, US Marshal Victor Davis must get them back to CIA headquarters, keep himself alive, and then deal with the venom coursing through his veins.
4. Avery feels cursed by her empathic powers until she meets Sebastian, who recruits her as a spy on his team of "special" people. But he's not the only one who wants her. An evil scientist wants her and the other mutants for his diabolical experiments.
5. When a spider is bitten by an irradiated man, he develops human-like powers and becomes Spyder – the CIA’s most successful operative yet. But when he falls for Russian spider Svetlana, is it true arachnophilia, or is he caught in a web of deceit?
6. The most devious spy in the world threatens the security of Italy and Crete. Who can find this fly-like fiend??? Only Spyder, the most efficient arch nemesis on a string ever seen in Hollywood. At least, that's the way Nigel pitched the screenplay. But after a year of studio rewrites, his work of genius is ruined, ruined! How can he go on?
7. When a British Mahdi issues a fatwah against Rupert and his new Arabian bride after her conversion to Christianity and she turns up dead, Rupert decides that if the law can't get revenge, he will. One problem: his training as an accountant never prepared him for this. But, maybe his ex-con cousin Spyder can help.
Dear Evil Editor,
Seventeen-year-old Avery Gardener (yes, she was named after the actress, and yes, she’s heard that a million times) is barely coping with the aftermath of her father’s abuse and her strange ability to hear what people are thinking. [Actually, it hadn't occurred to me that she was named after Ava Gardner. The only famous Avery I can think of is Avery Schreiber, and they wouldn't name their daughter after him. In fact, Google reveals that all the "famous" Averys are male. Why didn't they name her Ava? Is this set fifty years ago? I can't believe millions of people today would think of Ava Gardner, especially in her age group. Finally, ignoring all that, this attempt at showing a humorous voice seems misplaced coming directly before "barely coping with the aftermath of her father’s abuse." I'd dump it.] She can’t do anything about the memories of her violent childhood, but she’d give anything to get rid of the abilities she feels cursed with.
Then Sebastian Caldwell comes to town. He’s special, too. [Comma not needed.] He can manipulate energy and he makes Avery light up like a star. Literally. Avery knows Sebastian is the last person she should trust. In fact, she’s quite convinced she should stay far away from him. [Those last two sentences say the same thing.] But he offers her things she’s never even dreamed of. The knowledge that she is an empath, contact with people like her, and… something more. Something special. [Charter membership in a new superhero team known as Sebastian's Squad.]
Soon, she finds herself – and her new friends – threatened by a doctor determined to make them lab rats. She can’t help wondering if she was right to trust Sebastian. Maybe she should have ran [run] at the very beginning. Maybe when she learned to control her power.
But maybe, just maybe, she chose right when she stayed. [The last three sentences all say what was implied by the sentence that precedes them. Replace them with something about what's at stake, what the plan is.]
SPYDER is a YA paranormal romance novel complete at 76,000 words. [Romance? Is that the "something more... Something special" Sebastian offers? Or were we supposed to get romance from the way he makes her light up like a star, literally? I think we need a less subtle indication that there's a Sebastian/Avery romance brewing.] It is a standalone but has potential for a sequel. Thanks for your time and consideration.
To say he makes her light up like a star "literally" (as opposed to figuratively), either means she's as bright as a real star, like the sun, in which case no one could even look at her, or it means she's as bright as a star as seen from Earth, in which case her light is so faint you'd almost need a telescope to see it. Can you explain more clearly what visual effect Sebastian's energy manipulation has on Avery?
I don't see why we need to bring Avery's father into the query if the main plot is Avery falling for the leader of a team of "special" people she's joined.
Why is Sebastian gathering special people together? Is he creating a superhero team? We need some idea of what's going on.