Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Guess the Plot
One Fang and Silver Dagger
1. Harvey Jones has seen it all: fights, murders, sex, love gone bad. But that's pretty much what you get when you run a bar that caters to vampires and werewolves. Also, a silver dagger.
2. Can't a girl catch a break? It was bad enough getting murdered and waking up as a vampire. But now someone's ripped out one of Hannah's fangs and transported her back in time to medieval days where a hunky knight in shining armor is all that stands between her and an ancient bloodsucker who wants to make her his mindless slave.
3. Ever wonder about the faceless monsters who inhabit fantasy novels with the sole purpose of being hacked to death or fireballed in elaborate battle scenes? One Fang and Silver Dagger are two kobolds trying to scrape out a living while avoiding dashing brigands, questing heirs and apprentice wizards.
4. Bensimon is a failure as a vampire--so bad Dracula broke off one of his fangs. Now he has to use a little silver dagger to feed. Trouble is, he gave it to Missy Stevens as a love token, and now she's dating hunky Jayden Saunders and won't return his calls. Does he swallow what's left of his pride and ask Dracula for help--or should he talk to Mr. Cobbs, the werewolf who teaches art?
5. Mikhail is humiliated when a broken fang sends him to Madeleine Schickelgruber, vampire dentist extraordinaire, for an implant. Madeleine thinks she's come up with an innovative new treatment...but then Mikhail comes around from the anesthesia and reminds her how vampires feel about silver. Malpractice suits ensue.
6. The trouble with being a thousand year old vampire is that while the flesh may not decay, the teeth do. One Fang lost part of his impressive dentition (and his heart) to a California political goddess with hardening of the arteries. Can One Fang win back "Silver Dagger" (so called for her elegant mastery of the subtle art of backstabbing) with only a lopsided grin and the ability to confer everlasting life?
Fate, once it gets you in its clutches, isn’t partial to happy endings. At least, not in Hannah’s case.
It was bad enough straying into the wrong London street [I once strayed into the wrong London street. I got talked into a Soho strip club. Cost me ten pounds to get in, and 200 pounds and my credit cards to get out alive. Which I wouldn't have minded so much if the "strippers" had actually shown anything. But enough about me.] and worse waking in the family vault. When she cut her lip with her teeth, [I hate it when I do that. Also when I bite my tongue. But the worst is when I bite the inside of my cheek, because if I bite it once, it swells up and I keep biting it. I suppose it would be even worse if I were a vampire or a werewolf. But enough about me.] and realized what she’d become, she’d [she] almost lost her mind. For five long years she fought to live a decent life and keep to a moral code, despite the blood lust. And then, Fate delivered another blow. [Put those last two or three sentences in present tense.]
One of her fangs is ripped from her gum [I had some teeth extracted once, because my mouth is too small. It's the size of a squirrel's mouth.] and she finds herself clinging to her assailant as the moon spins backwards across the sky. The familiar cobbled lanes of Tudor London are replaced by grassy fields and a rough dirt road – and not a soul in sight. The first traveler she meets is a parody of an etching in her childhood history book – a shining knight in tattered clothes. [When you come down to it, we're all parodies of etchings.] But he’s wary and strong, and before she can figure out how to get past the chain mail collar to sink her remaining fang into his neck, her problems worsen. [If he's wearing armor, how does she know his clothes are tattered?]
Trapped in a medieval world, hunted by an ancient vampyre and his vile kin, she must find a way to return to her own time [What is her own time? I can't tell if it's our time or the time of the Tudors.] before she’s turned into a mindless slave – or worse. The young knight could be the only one to save her but he isn’t what he pretends to be [What is he pretending to be? A knight?] and has troubles of his own. [For one thing, he needs to go to the bathroom, but his armor is rusted shut.] Their only chance of survival is find a way to work together – as long as they don’t kill each other first. [Is there a reason they'd want to kill each other? Or do they just have a stormy tempestuous relationship like Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd did on Moonlighting?]
One Fang and Silver Dagger is complete at 85,000 words.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
I don't see why the ancient vampire doesn't just turn a human into a vampire/mindless slave instead of insisting on Hannah. She wasn't even there a day ago, but now he has to have her as a slave?
I don't see how Hannah can find a way back to her own time. Where would she even look?
The title sounds weird. What's the silver dagger part?
It's not terrible, but that last plot paragraph could be more specific. The goal is to get home, but what's the plan? Does the knight figure in getting Hannah home?