Guess the Plot
1. Nine-year-old Nur is forced to be caretaker of a gigantic, ill-tempered, mute creature that hates her. Think Beauty and the Beast, except Nur's face is covered with scars, so think Scarface Meets Mute Godzilla.
2. Eight-year-old Lisa is delighted when the mute button on the tv remote control also works on annoying adults and siblings. Even better, when she tries the fast forward button, it ages them by fifty years.
4. Talkshow host Adelaide Scherbotski comes home one day to find her six brothers have been kidnapped by a crazed former fan of her show. The fan is threatening their lives unless the show goes off air, putting Addy in a race against time to find her brothers. Till then... the show must go MUTE.
5. I'd like to tell you what this story is about, and I will, just as soon as I break out of this annoying invisible box. Oh, crap, that's MIME, not Mute. I've been so wrong for so long...
6. When homely Ongyala the bard bested the lich Manzikar in poker, he let her pick her prize: beauty, long life, or wealth. She chose beauty--at the cost of her singing voice. Now all kinds of people are willing to help her out. Should she sleep with everyone in hope of a cure, or should she remain--Mute?
Dear Evil Editor,
I would like to submit my 130,000 word science fiction novel MUTE for your consideration.
Nine-year-old Nur learns an important lesson when the adults in her life decide to sell her to the lung-eating denpars: difference is dangerous. [The good news, daughter, is that we put you up for sale on Ebay, and someone actually bought you! The bad news is the buyer is a gang of creatures that want to eat your lungs.] [Do the denpars eat only lungs, or do they just consider lungs a delicacy?]
Because Nur is different. For as long as she can remember, she's had a horribly scarred face- [Her face is] so horribly scarred that it's common knowledge that no one will ever want to marry her, and in Nur's society, that's practically a death sentence. Fortunately for her, one member of her village takes pity on her and helps her get away to find a new life. Unfortunately, the [her] new life Nur finds herself leading may be just as dangerous as the one she left behind. She's been forced to be the caretaker of a gigantic, ill-tempered creature called Mash.
Mash may not be [is un]able to speak, but he's very good at making his feelings known, and the main thing he feels is that he absolutely hates Nur. As she struggles to care for this unpleasant creature, Nur starts to understand [realizes] that he's hiding scars of his own- just not ones that she can see. Time passes, Mash grows larger and more violent, and Nur begins to realize [sees] the choice she will eventually have to make: save him from himself, or save herself from him.
A science fiction story that grounds itself [grounded] in themes of abuse, healing, and the fear of the unknown, MUTE is a love letter to the natural world [That didn't come across at all.] and the compelling relationship that exists between man and [lung-eating] animal.
The idea for MUTE was drawn from my experiences conducting studies of animal behavior, which range from mist netting for bats to assessments of the evolution of cat meows. My experience in running a college creative writing club was also invaluable during the process.
Thank you for your time and consideration!
This is mostly setup. Nur is forced to be caretaker of Mash. Then some vague stuff happens, like time passes and Nur realizes stuff. Does any specific stuff actually happen? Focus on the plot after Nur becomes caretaker of Mash. What does she want out of life now? What's she doing to get it? What's standing in her way? Be specific.
A lot of unnecessary words, which may mean you could cut the book down to 100,000 words, making it easier to sell.
If you escape from your village, it seems like you have a choice where to go. Why go to a place where you're forced to be Mash's caretaker? Why didn't she go to Pleasantville?
Mash hates Nur, and Nur doesn't seem happy with her new position. Can't they agree to an amicable parting of the ways?