Monday, July 30, 2012

Face-Lift 1054

Guess the Plot

Tales of the Tail-less

1. Pop-up book featuring characters from the hundred-acre wood. When Eeyore's tail gets pulled off, he decides to take revenge on anyone and everyone, but mostly Tigger--who had nothing to do with it!

2. Living with another species can be challenging and rewarding. A collection of memoirs, written by Poodle Silver Silk Porscha, to explain the vagaries of naked apes for the amusement and enlightenment of their Poodle masters.

3. The story of three-blind mice and their extraordinary pal, Max, an Australian Shepherd and how they were able to overcome adversity and reap revenge on the terrorist known only as The Farmer's Wife.

4. Four tadpoles. Four stories. One pond. Learn about friendship, survival and family as Leapy, Larvy, Ihop and Legs metamorphose their way to adulthood. Children picture book, complete with vodka for the caring mother.

5. Horatio, the Manx cat, doesn't believe he was born this way, and he's determined to take revenge on whoever cut off his tail. He's still got his claws...

Original Version

[It's a fake query for a fake book, submitted by Lisa and presented for your entertainment as we await the submission of actual queries and openings.]

When the owl first pulled off my tail, I knew it wasn’t personal. The problem was, Chris stuck it back on with a tack. What was he thinking? Who do I look like anyway? A stupid kids’ party game?

I learned to live not only with the tack, but also with that annoying bear and his silly high-voiced porcine sidekick, but when the bouncing tiger moved in, that was the last straw. I couldn’t hold it together anymore.

Follow my exploits as I attempt to oust the tiger from the Hundred Acre Wood. Thrill as I weigh down his nether regions with sawdust. Marvel at my ingenious plot to steal the honey pot and convince the moronic marsupials the blame should be placed on that frivolous feline. Feel your heart break as, once again, I lose my tail in the river and am forced to wade out into the icy cold water to retrieve it.

From perusing your website, I have concluded that you have more of a brain than most of the other agents in the forest. I would be pleased if you would consider my memoir, TALES OF THE TAIL-LESS, a 250 word pop-up book, for representation. I have included an SASE for your convenience, and some tiger whisker clippings for your enjoyment.


BuffySquirrel said...

What? Nothing about his struggle with clinical depression? XD

Dave Fragments said...

An Eeyore popup book. Delightful.

Tk said...

I really did laugh out loud at the tiger whisker clippings! Oh Eeyore.