"Welcome to our video feature. Interview With The Author. Today we're talking to the inimitable John Grisham here to publicize his new book. You're kind of prolific as an author, aren't you?" EE's voice gargled its way out of the computer feed.
"What subtle insight," Grisham answered.
"Your novels about the legal profession have been, to say the least, critical of the legal profession. Certain groups are presented as weasels, sharks, barracudas, dodo birds, cockroaches, genital lice, slime molds, black fungus, scorpions, zombie dung beetles, butt floss," EE stopped at Grisham's raised hand.
"Point made ad naseum. I have been routinely trounced by lawyers and legal critics, but I couldn't care less. What's a good lawyer? I recontextualize them floating face down in a water bucket. It's a significant starting point." Grisham leaned back in the chair, crossing his legs.
"Of course you do. Do you ever get writer's block?"
"Writer's block? Actually it's the opposite. I never get writer's block. In fact in spring, I feel like a river swollen with ideas from the winter's snowmelt -- good bad, weird zombiefied and bizarre ideas just veritably spring from my head."
"Then why do you write one novel a year?" EE asked.
"I tamed the demons of procrastination in college. One novel is perfect for my fans. Two would only confuse the poor dears. There are only so many thoughts the average mind can hold. I perfected the one thought rule as I practiced law. Now I'm an expert. So I take one idea and drive it like a wild stallion onto the prairie of my dreams and break it tame. It's like football players driving to a goal or soccer boys kicking to the net or Jai Alai players whacking their balls..."
"That's 300 words. Thanks for the interview!"
--Dave F.
Why you don't get published.
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