Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Guess the Plot
1. Ever since birth, Jojo has heard of a marvelous place where all go when they are old enough. But when Rango returns and says it's not a retirement paradise but a slaughterhouse, will Jojo listen? Or will she board the truck marked HORMEL?
2. When the Parkville basketball team falls behind by 26 points in the homecoming game, the gymnasium bursts an underground pipe that kills 3 starters from the other team. Home-court advantage has never been so deadly as it is in . . . The Facility.
3. After decades of economic ruin, Blue Valley welcomes a new biotech factory. Everyone who wants a job gets a job. But what they're producing is top secret. When Chad Dunford realizes the glowing substance he stirs all week is radioactive, he risks all to discover the horrifying truth about . . . The Facility.
4. When Holly suddenly starts causing anyone who gets within 3.67 feet of her to drop dead, she is placed in a facility where teens with special powers are observed by psychologists. But the facility has sinister plans for the teens, as Holly learns from a time traveler from the future.
5. The Omega Institute is where underperforming sous chefs go for "retraining." Valerie Baker is determined to escape, but her route is impeded by tunnels of mutant sticky buns, pits of mushy pasta, and an obstacle course of Rocky Mountain Oysters.
6. In a bid to raise sufficient funds to realize his ambitions in the chicken & egg trade, farmer Jason Thompson offers tours of his haunted outhouse at a very reasonable rate. All is marvelous -- until the ghost demands a share of the profits.
Dear Evil Editor,
On the 20th February 2012 thirteen teenagers living in the south of England suddenly displayed unnatural powers. In the interest of public safety the Government took them into custody, placing them in a medical facility for observation.
Fifteen year old Holly Lawson’s sheltered life is shattered when, after a heated argument with her mother, all living things within a 44 inch radius drop down dead. [That's an awfully precise measurement. I wouldn't want to be the subject of an experiment in which they tell me to get within 46 inches to see if I drop dead, and when I don't, they say, Okay, now try 45...] She is knocked out [by a guy with a 50-inch baseball bat,] and taken to the facility after accidently [sp.] killing her parents, two paramedics and a police officer. [She needs to wear a sign that says Stay back 45 inches; not responsible for death or damaged windshields.] Regaining consciousness she is wracked with guilt, which isn’t helped when the older brother she idolised calls her a murderer and refuses her phone calls, cutting her off from the outside world.
She resigns herself to life inside the facility, slowly learning how to control her new power [Is she trying to increase the 44-inch radius? Decrease it? Does she want to be able to decide which people within 44 inches drop dead, and which don't? It wasn't made clear that this was a useful power rather than an affliction. It's easier to kill someone with a long-range rifle or a grenade than by sending Holly to get within 44 inches.] and finding friendship amongst the other teens. Nate, a seventeen year old fire starter seems to understand her better than the team of psychologists assigned to her case. She begins to trust him, and they look forward to one day being free of the facility [and starting a one-stop assisted suicide and cremation service].
When Holly finds an older and very different Nate in her bedroom one night, she is at first shocked to discover that he can time travel. [Even more shocking is his confession that he started the Great London Fire of 1666 and the Great Chicago Fire of 1871.] He tells her that he has come back from the future to warn Holly of the facility’s sinister plans for the teens. The future Nate is completely different from the present one, and Holly finds it difficult to place her trust in someone so cold and calculating.
When the facility’s security is breached, cutting off the systems that keep the teen’s [teens'?] powers in check, Holly must decide where her loyalty lies. Siding with her fellow teens could lead them all to a future where their powers are used for evil. [I would have thought the opposite--not siding with the teens could lead to a bleak future. Didn't future Nate mention whether it was the status quo or a teen revolt that led to the apocalypse?] But the other option means setting loose the devastating power she has vowed never to use again.
THE FACILITY is paranormal YA novel which is complete at 65,000 words.
Thank you for your consideration
You talk about Holly "using" her power. Does using it simply mean purposely getting within 44 inches of someone?
I wouldn't mind knowing what future Nate claims will happen, so we know what's at stake.
I don't see any need for the first paragraph. A few minor tweaks of the 2nd paragraph will take care of whatever dropping the 1st paragraph loses.
Also, if you want the story to be set in the future, you might choose a year further ahead than 2012, as the book may not come out till 2013.
If I were future Nate, coming back with a warning for the teens, I might give that warning to present Nate instead of Holly. Better yet, time travel to when the evil mastermind of the facility was a child and kill him.