Thursday, February 03, 2011
Guess the Plot
1. She may be plain, plump and uninteresting, but Dolores Gray knows just what it takes to get guys to hit on her.
2. Sorry. My fault. Sent you my shopping list instead of your rejection slip. Silly really; they were both on my desk. Uh, you don't happen to have any beer . . . ?
3. More Beer the dragon spends too much time sniffing people's butts. It's up to Daniel to teach him some manners or get rid of him before somebody's nether region gets fried.
4. When writer Steve Farnsworth's marriage collapses the day after his layoff from the New York Times, he decides it's time to go on a soul-searching adventure. Can he get his editor friend to give him an advance big enough that he can experience every bar in Aruba?
5. Roy and his BDDP (Best Damn Drinkin Buddy) Snuffy have to make the Friday night beer run. Who knew the local Kwik-E-Mart was going to be taken over by aliens from the planet Syrah? They've replaced all the beer with fine vintage wines, and Roy and Snuffy have until closing time to find some Pilsner.
6. Joe is nearing middle age. His family no longer seems important to him, and to be truthful, there IS that really hot neighbor next door. But when Tessa, Joe's six year old daughter, goes next door to borrow an egg and finds her father and Ms. Sedalli curled up on the couch, Joe can think of only one way to deal with his falling apart life: More Beer.
Dear Evil Editor[,]
Daniel is the only one who can see the dragon sniffing around his friend Gibbo’s butt.
Except for two otherworld mages, that is, [Opening with a one-sentence paragraph is daring. It's like saying, I don't need to elaborate; I'm confident I've done enough to hook you already. However, contradicting that first sentence in the next five words is not so daring. It's like saying, You can't trust anything I write.] [ The worst part is, you weren't off by one one-hundredth, as you would have been if you'd said that 100 people could see the dragon, when in fact only 99 could see it. You were off by a multiple of three. It's like if a book about early civilization opened: There were seven wonders of the ancient world. If you don't count the other fourteen. It's like saying, More Beer is 60,000 words . . . except for the other 120,000.] who say the dragon is drawn by power and that it stays around because Daniel is a mage. If that’s so, why does the dragon hang around Gibbo? [Has anyone else noticed that about 95% of all two-syllable words ending in the letter "o" start with the letter "g"? You've got gumbo, gecko, gusto, Gabbo (famous name in ventriloquism), Gobbo (Italian hunchback), Gazoo (Flintstones character), Gonzo, Gringo, go-go, Jello, Groucho (Marx), Gummo (Marx), ginkgo, igloo, and Gordo (what Ted often called Gordie on The Mary Tyler Moore Show).]
When Daniel realises the dragon spits acid and fire, it’s up to him to teach it some manners—or get rid of it—before Gibbo’s nether regions are eaten away or fried to a crisp. [Speaking from experience, it doesn't take a dragon to make your nether regions feel fried to a crisp.]
The otherworld mages aren’t much help. They’re too busy hunting a rogue mage who wants to destroy their otherworld government. And Gibbo, when he finally meets the dragon, [Meets the dragon? The dragon's been hanging around him and they haven't met?] treats it like a pet and doesn’t think it’s dangerous at all.
And what does the dragon have to do with the rogue mage? [Ah, finally we get to the crucial point that brings it all together and makes us want to read the book.] Daniel and Gibbo are about to find out. [We, on the other hand, have to guess. Okay, the obvious guess is that the dragon is the rogue mage. That part was easy; the mystery is how two mages who are hunting the rogue mage follow him to our world and to the exact spot where the dragon is, and don't realize that the dragon is the rogue mage, even though in our world there's no such thing as dragons.] [The other mystery is, Why is the rogue mage/dragon obsessed with Gibbo's butt?]
More Beer is 60,000 words. It is based mostly on Earth, with some forays into the otherworld.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
[Note for EE: The title More Beer comes from the name Daniel and Gibbo give the dragon, who turns out to like a tipple and gets drunk on a single can.]
This is mainly a list of characters. All we know is that there are characters named Gibbo and Daniel, and a dragon and some mages. We don't know anything that happens.
Where is this otherworld place? Why is Daniel making forays there? What does he want, and what's preventing him from getting it? What's his plan? We need the plot.
Are Daniel and Gibbo children? Is this book for children? If so, are parents gonna buy their children a book titled More Beer?